Is that a BlackBerry in your pocket? Or are you just glad to see me?
By Steve_in_KC on January 24, 2009 at 1:30 PM in Current Affairs, Humor
It looks like P*BO has won the Battle of the BlackBerry, but not necessarily a BlackBerry. It’s the NSA’s version, The Sectera Edge. I saw a comment by a reader of this article that called it a “Black Ops Berry,” which I thought was clever enough to steal, but I knew I’d get busted.
By the way, * = wild card. It used to be an E for “-Elect” but “peebo” is too cool a name to let go, so I’m just using the asterisk. It can mean whatever you want it to mean. Or it could mean what it most resembles.
The articles I read say that the obvious concern over security for the PP (POTUS P*BO) was not only that his messages might be intercepted and decoded, but that a hacker might be able to turn it into a listening device, possibly even worse.
How about if hackers managed to get control of it and sent email messages as him? They could spam the whole world, forwarding the contents of his hard-drive, including the Nuclear Codes, or worse, pictures of Michelle in the buff!
NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!
Or maybe they could get it to broadcast a live web-feed of audio and video constantly. We’d get to go everywhere with him and hear every sound he made! Actually, I believe MSNBC, The 24-hour Obama Channel, would use that as a constant Picture-In-Picture in the corner on their broadcasts. While they tell you about every movement Obama has made, you could actually watch him making a new one!
We’d get extreme close-ups of him reading the tiny PDA, along with whatever the camera would see. Oh jeeze, what if he sits it on his bedside table at night? Wouldn’t that be a Special Feature Presentation?
 [She's certainly a tall one, isn't she? Especially in this picture! If I hadn't done it myself, I would swear that someone had PhotoShopped it! It's unreal!] |
We might even catch Michelle red-handed turning White House draperies and bedspreads into clothing! How would that look to the world? Our own “Fist Lady” caught live on TV making another new frock from the Presidential upholstery?
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There was a lot of flak in the White House security circles about what could happen if P*BO’s emails and private information got intercepted, and it is worth noting that it can also be used to locate the POTUS via triangulated signals, just like you see on Law & Order and 24. But if anyone wants to know where The One is, all they have to do is triangulate the press corps. However, I think I’d go one step further and quadrangulate, or draw and quarter them.
What I’m more concerned about is that his PDA (whatever brand it is), can be used to receive Top Super Secret Orders from the Trilateral Commission, the Illuminati, KAOS, or whatever sub-rosa group is controlling everything. We all know there is someone behind all this stuff. I don’t know who, but it had to have started long ago, and cost billions of dollars. The make-overs, the plastic surgeries, the bribes to election officials, the laundering of campaign contributions… villainy isn’t cheap!
These secret messages between BO and his Evil Overlord, conducted through his ever-present BlackBerry, have been the cause of a lot of concern and speculation. Is it possible that he doesn’t make a move without clearing it through Mr. Big, or whoever is on the other end of that thing? Maybe it contains a secret program that allows its owner to become One with The One through some kind of telepathic signals, a sort of Vulcan Mind Meld at an undetectable frequency.
From his ultra-secret control pod at the bottom of the Pacific’s Mariana Trench, this evil mastermind, living in extreme luxury in his shatter-proof glass dome, monitors all the Top Secret meetings the POTUS attends, tells him what to say, and how to pose as if he’s thinking hard while listening for his next instruction.
Somebody or some group is calling the shots from “behind the curtain.” I hope for their sake it’s not a curtain that catches Michelle’s eye or they could be exposed when she pulls it down and wraps it around herself.
by Ronald Scott
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