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Why I should be President (I am the very model of a modern intellectual)

By Old Grumpy Guy on February 24, 2009 at 6:22 PM in Current Affairs

The reasons for that headline are, as I state in the video:

I am the very model of a modern intellectual
I always know what’s wrong and right; I’m never ineffectual
I’m tolerant of peccadillos cultural and sexual
provided they don’t frighten children, horses or marsupials

(yes I know marsupials doesn’t rhyme exactly, but this is modern verse for heaven’s sake)

I’m versed in economics, literature and music classical
Affairs of state, society and things ecclesiastical
My breadth of arcane knowledge can be said to be fantastical
Except no intellectual would use the word fantastical
(too jejune, you know)

I’ve read Remembrance Of Things Past by Proust in the original
I’ve read Karl Marx and Schopenhauer and others philosophical
I’ve read through War and Peace four times until I felt I’d had my fill
Of all things Russian and the insights that such reading can instill

I’m never one to judge my fellow man by his exterior
The problem is so many lack an interesting interior
I cannot help but be aware that I am quite superior
When most of mankind is so inescapably inferior

I think I should be president, for it is very clear to me
I know much more than any politician how things ought to be
I’d volunteer my services, except it’s very plain to see
That folk in general are too dumb to ever want to vote for me.

In my next piece, written specially for NQ, I will be writing about what it means to be a civilized person and how most civilized people seem to agree on a lot of things, whatever political party they support.

basil

ROTF AND water spurt on keyboard!

Which Gilbert and Sullivan ditty did you take that rhythm from?
Old Grumpy Guy

It’s from the Pirates of Penzance
candymarl

Excellent OGG. I actually sang the lyrics. Bravo!
basil

I sang them, too.

What fun!
Old Grumpy Guy

And did the lyrics trip off the tongue?
http://www.missmalevolent.com Miss Malevolent

Hilarious!
samb

Obama, so controlled and calm, I watched his news conferences, his very good at making others relaxed, his good a deflect the conversion, by telling a joke or two. He would have made a great salesperson , he would walking into your home throw some dirt on your new rug and sweep it up with a new Hoover vacuum cleaner and all would believe he is Gods gift to mankind. His speech tonight should be a true sale push too. SMILE FOR THE CAMERA.
candymarl

Yes they did! I love this play!
oowawa

Dear Old Grumpy Guy,

In order to become President, I’m afraid you must pass the test suggested by Sean Penn (one of your favorites, I know), when he referred during his Oscar acceptance speech to our current POTUS as “that elegant man.” I’m afraid, in a post-GWB world we must insist on elegance above all else, since we know what happens when you elect an inelegant person to that high office. “Intellectual” is okay, but only if the egghead attribute is tempered by true elegance. Also, it helps to be “cool.” Just how “cool” are you, anyway?

Also, are you a Natural Born Citizen of the USA? Oh wait, I guess that isn’t critical anymore.

Nice poem!
Katmoon

ROFLHahaha. Wonderful. I needed this after a very heated argument in criminal law class tonight! Spot on.
inconsiderable wretch

Never had I more
Excited, passionate, fantastical
Imagination, nor and ear and eye
That more expected the impossible–
Yeats, “The Tower”
samb

http://www.wnd.com/static/89837.html
ABOUT THAT NATURAL BORN CITIZENSHIP ?
Old Grumpy Guy

I am the acme of elegance oowawa. Even you should be able to recognize that.
FLDemFem

Oh, OGG, I LOVE Gilbert and Sullivan. When I was a little girl, and then into my teens, we were taken to see the D’Oyle Carte when they came to Washington, as they did every year. I especially loved the Pirates of Penzance. I still have the Playbook program somewhere. On the way home, we would all sing the songs, and I still smile when I hear them. Thanks a lot. Gilbert and Sullivan would have been pleased with your version, I am sure.
http://tojo toni

OGG

I saw the saw in LA with Andy Gibbs, Linda Ronstadt and Barry Bostwich (sp)….that should date me
Old Grumpy Guy

When my son was about three years old he became transfixed by a video of a London production starring starring Tim Curry. He would watch it over and over and do all the actions with his toy sword. As a special treat I took him to the theatre to see a live performance, but he became terrified of the pirates rushing around the theatre and I had to take him home after five minutes.
Old Grumpy Guy

That wasn’t the first updated production was it?
pm317

elegant?! that sounds so girly.
basil

Awwwwwwww……….

More, please.

We desperately need this kind of fun distraction, especially on a night when American TV is wall-to-wall messiah mania coverage.

I’m watching the 2012 doomsday predictions, myself.
lark

My breadth of arcane knowledge

That’s the problem with presidents that are like you would be. The know too much of the past and that’s everything they know. Presidents like that are worthless. You would be one.

To be a worthwhile president you need to toss your knowledge aside. You need to know the future. You need to know what you don’t know. You need to know what children know, what priest know, what poets know.

Since by your poem it is clear you don’t know poetry, then obviously you would make a lousy president.

Now let me begin you with some training in case you want to become a president. Answer this question:

What is the most important thing children age 5 today would need to have when at 18 they begin their descent into adulthood?

So the presidency is not about you, is about them.
Old Grumpy Guy

Ok lark, I’ll try to cultivate some ignorance. But it won’t be easy.
lark

Go for it.
andrew191

Do you think it’s possible Penn said “elephant”? Nah, we know what he thinks of Republicans.
Ellen D

Love it! Old Grumpy Guy you add so much to this site! I’m glad you live here (wherever you are).
http://firefox AnnieCollier

OGG, you have my vote.
Old Grumpy Guy

Thanks Annie. I knew I could count on you.
Old Grumpy Guy

Thanks Ellen. Does that mean I can count on your vote?
Patrick Henry

Grumpy..

I think You are Terrific..So Very Specific
About What You Do and Don’t Appreciate..
You are very Effectual..as a Pure Intellectual
And your Favorite Composers are Great..

I Never Read War & Peace..Or been off to Greece
And Plato is some Planet Out in Space..
But when I Escape the World Disorder..
and Come Find my “Stimilus” at No Quarter..

I am So Glad to see Old Grumpy Guys face..!!
OldgrumpyGuy

What a great tribute. Thanks Patrick Henry.
Patrick Henry

Grumpy..

I am glad you liked my Poem…Its a Fitting tribute and you deserve all the KUDO’s you get..
NomNomNom

hahaha, that was fantastic! You’ve got my vote!
Vincent

That was very good. I would vote for you! That is, if I were dumb enough to vote.
Diana

I adore Kevin Kline and Tim Curry. Your video’s are all top rate. Thank you for the laugh. You have my vote.