Larry has already written eloquently on Chris Matthews’ tingle up the leg. What Chris, the master of TMI, may be experiencing is the sensation of an expedition party tingling his leg as it makes its way to remove the multiple bugs up his ass. And oh, am I familiar with those bugs. In a past life I was his producer.

Some of you may not remember that before presiding majestically at MSNBC, Chris Matthews played hardball on CNBC. Sadly for Chris, his audience was miniscule. He and an endless parade of hapless executive producers tried to think up jazzy segments to let Chris’s personality shine through. One such segment was “Winners and Losers”. The rule was that the people chosen to be named in either category had to “be someone who even their best friend would admit screwed up (loser) or even their worst enemy would concede they’d pulled off a victory (winner)”. Simple, right? One would think so, consider that the decisions were made after whirling the nominees through the Chris Matthews spin cycle. The way Chris made his final choice every day presents a fascinating window into his bizarre brain.

Several times a week, Chris would make the choices personally, preferring to select the day’s “Loser”. And several times a week, the loser would be either Benjamin Netanyahu or Bill Clinton.

Now, you may not care for those two cats too much, but seriously: So many dictators are running loose in the world, and Clinton and Netanyahu get the whoopee cushion day after day?

When my curiosity finally got the best of me I asked Chris why he was so obsessed with those two men. His answer was revealing, and I paraphrase: “Netanyahu went to MIT and has a West Philly accent. He sounds like an American but he’s was elected Prime Minister of Israel. Bill Clinton grew up in Dogpatch but he went to Georgetown, Oxford and Yale. He got elected President. Women love both of ’em and forgive ’em anything. AND THEY’RE BOTH MY AGE.

Got that? Those two men, who are both Chris’s age, had been elected to run their respective countries while Chris toiled away as a columnist for The San Francisco Chronicle and the host of a panel/shout show with no ratings. They always got the girls while Chris was asked to talk to the hand. Which makes these men losers. Got that logic?

Hope this helps. More later.

  • so this is where you’ve been hiding, eh, dcmediagirl? nice of you to let everyone know!

    as to matthew’s feeling crawling up his leg, there’s medicines for restless leg syndrome now, you know.

    you want to send him to pahrump (nye county) where one can find a vast array of partners from the four major genders…

    what’s the fourth one?

  • Please also note the references to where Clinton and Netanyahu were educated. Chris likes to spout that blue collar Irish working stiff stuff but deep down he’s a wannabe with his nose pressed to the window. He went to Holy Cross but wishes like hell he’d gone to an Ivy or a reasonable facsimile so he too could be part of the “in” crowd and let in on the secret handshake.

  • kitty

    I discovered that Chris Matthews has a wife, Kathleen. Suprised the heck out of me. Apparently she’s donated the maxmum possible to the Hillary campaign, too.

    I don’t know what part I’m having the hardest time accepting, that someone married him, that he’s apparently not gay, or that his wife supports Hillary.

    • John

      It’s called a Beard, and if you have money, they really aren’t hard to come by.

      See Graham, Lindsey and Limbaugh, Rush for references.

      And- I strongly suspect- Hannity, Sean.

  • TeakWoodKite

    dcmediagirl: Salutations.
    Did you, for the safety the expedition party, give them level A hazmat suits?

    The look on Kieth’s face was priceless…he looked like he was thinking…”This is not my life!”…when Chris said that.

    Look forward to reading your posts.

  • Iphie

    Wow. That makes perfect sense — his hatred of all things Clinton (esp. the clenis) and his misogyny; women don’t like him so he has it in for both women and the men they do find attractive. Aww, Tweety, I’m sure we can find you a good therapist — we’ll make sure he’s a guy, nowhere near your age, someone completely non-threatening who doesn’t exhibit any of the qualities that give you your unique brand of man-love.

    Wow. Just wow.

  • John

    Don’t forget that Matthews ran for Congress once and was defeated; I think that, deep down, he really never got over that loss and is bitter at anyone in his age bracket being successful in politics when he was just a failure.

    I also think that he had a mad crush on Hillary once and believes that if she had married him instead of Bill, MATTHEWS would have gone to the White House. His hatred of Hillary is too obvious to be less than personal.

  • Jess Wonderin

    Figured him to have “lo-man issues” and was convined he was too close to the firepit when he rubbed his hard-on over Fred’s man smell . . . thanks for the reveal . . . look forward to more.

  • Pandora

    Is Chris married? May be he needs to get laid. We should may be set up a fund and contribute money for him to send him to chicken ranch in Vegas. Also we need to make sure we give a bottle of viagra to go with it.

    • simon

      I really think this goes back to sexual jealously of Bill Clinton, Bill Clinton as alpha male.

      Obama, Bush, the whole neocon tree, even Kerry are not really sexual men, with the exception of Kerry, all could be labeled as weak misogynists.

      So Clinton would threaten them, he’s intellectually superior, and sexually superior.

      I know it’s cliche, and open to misinterpretation.

    • Fred C. Dobbs

      >>> …send him to chicken ranch in Vegas…

      About $600-$800, plus Tip and Taxi ahould cover it.

      Boinking For Dollars is, has always been, and will continue to be Unlawful in Las Vegas and Clark County, Nevada.

      You want to send him to Pahrump (Nye County) where one can find a vast array of partners from the four major genders willing to perform an extensive variety of erotic acts for ducats, from a simple belly-bump to some of the more arcane positions from the USDA Poultry Manual.

      “Over the Hump to Pay-Rump,” as we say around here in Toontown. Shucks, Heidi Fleiss lives there!

      “There’s NO Business Like HO’ Business…!”

  • Taters

    Thanks for the inside baseball, dcmediagirl. Welcome to NQ. And like my fellow posters here – I’m anxiously looking forward to reading more of your work.

  • DisenfranchisedVoter

    Chris Matthews is a straight up LOSER. He has no personality, no looks, probably no sex life. His only accomplishment is his crappy cable show where he gets to criticize people who are sooo much better at life than he is.

    • Fred C. Dobbs

      Diabetics (male), particularly those over 40 with a juice problem, often find themselves a little slow to salue the flag.

  • Gloria

    Back in 2001 I wrote a piece about Matthews being admitted to a psychiatric hospital….He is still around the bend….

  • Mr.Murder

    Tweety will give rare insight to back chatter. He always spills forth what the DC and beltway pundits tell him off the record or in confidence of being off the air, on the air.

    It’s a very svelte peek at the man’s behind the curtain. The media is all a$$ all the time. Tweety’s just pointing a magnifying glass to it, burning one tiny ant brain at a time under the heat of its focus.

    Parody play by, a parodied playa.

  • chris

    Matthews treats this all too much like he’s watching horse races, baseball, or whatever sport suits his temporary metaphor. Politics has that quality, but Matthews is a blowhard and has gotten very tedious.

    I started watching and recording his show because of the coverage of Traitor Novack’s traitorous actions. I wanted details, I want justice. But then as the election cycle started firing up his show got back to its roots of wandering nothing masturbatory rantings of Matthews and his regular batch of guests.

    I really was scared to death that one day I’d turn to MSNBC too early and catch Matthews blowing Guilliani because he was so glowing over him. But godbless it never happened.

    Matthews has become a bad characture of himself. I’ve been warned if I keep imitating him I’m going to be a lonely guy myself. He’s worn his course. I wonder if Keith Olbermann will be next. He too has jumped into the extremes too many times and it undermines his good work, or that of his crew.

  • Mr.Murder

    Tweety is just political theater. Theater of the absurd.

    He does this to higlight how co-opted the talking points have become.

    Why act balanced(literally)? Nobody else does. Let’s try overkill as a way of higlighting this fact.

    He is a satirical parody of what his profession has become, by design. He knows about the silence of the media lambs. He can revel in that fact from his guilded cage of media moguls, while the other experts try to pick his method apart for clues, wary he could turn on them like a cannibal doctorate and jump the shark. Or, he can studiously determine to hunt the truth down, and have a breakdown to go with it in the confidence of similar rhetorical assassins.

    The only time that cat’s playing Jodie Foster is if someone else is a Taxi Driver.

    And he doesn’t do Hinkley, too jealous of other natural blondes.

    Somewhere in the NBC basement there’s a closet with Tweety’s dreamy transformative ego enabling apparatus inside. His victims’ skins are there. A flight suit with codpiece, a beer he shared with some sodden candidate, Maureen Dowd’s other face. He’ll wear them all, if he can just get some long, blonde, beautiful hair. He’s yet to interview Valerie Wilson?

    One other person knows about the silence of the media lambs…

    …Tip O’Neils’ bartender. All 250 or more of them.
    Pity Matthews, he’s part of the media Malaise.

    • simon

      He is a satirical parody of what his profession has become, by design. He knows about the silence of the media lambs.

      That’s quite a luxury, isn’t it?

      I would think the first responsibility of the media should be to the public.

      What else is there, if you play the game, you can become Chris Matthews?

      And people think this is attractive?

    • TeakWoodKite

      silence of the media lambs

      Clarice Starling: What did Lecter say about…?First principles”?
      Ardelia Mapp: Simplicity…
      Clarice Starling: What does this guy do, he “covets”. How do we first start to covet?
      Ardelia Mapp: “We covet what we see -”
      Clarice Starling: ” – every day.”
      Ardelia Mapp: Hot damn, Clarice.
      Clarice Starling: He knew her.

      Great visual Mr.Murder !

  • sherry shirk

    Thanks for confirming what I’ve thought for years about Tweety’s hate/obsession for Bill. The asshole is just plain jealous.

  • Pacific John

    Oh sheesh. How could it not be otherwise? When the critics like Alterman let enough time to unpack this, this season will have madee 2000 look like the golden era of journalism.

    Great to see you , dcmediagirl! I’ve always been fond of your work, and have frequently reflected on Steve Gilliard holding you in very high regard.

  • Sometime-CIA-Defender

    I had always assumed the tingling sensation was Karl Rove’s necrotic hand giving him a handjob.

    • simon

      Speaking of Karl Rove, this certainly explains a lot.

      Thank you, dcmediagirl, he really is as insipid as he seems.

  • campskunk

    well, if they AREN’T losers, then chris’ ego would have to take a hit. and that NEVER happens.

  • anna shame

    Chris plays to his base, as was recently pointed out to me, guys who suffer from erectile disfunction. He’s a loser himself, how does anyone expect him to pick real losers. He picks those he envies, he obviously has some fantasy staring Hillary and that’s probably why he hates Bill. What does Netanyahoo’s wife look like?

    • norrismorris

      Bejamin N’s wife is a good looking woman. His second wife. But never mind, as noted by others here, Matthews suffers from mental and erectile dysfunction.

      He reminds me of a naughty child who has ADD; is all over the place and out of control. He’s just not a grown up but is unfortunately kept on by
      MSNBC which I have stopped watching.

      Keith Olbermann is a disappointment as an enabler
      of the Hillary bashers and has cheapened himself in the process.

  • Ahhhhhh … you kinda got to feel sorry for the guy’s battered, warped ego.

    I used to watch his show for research purposes but it was not only a little light on substance (just a tad) but his out-there rants were so bizarre, including his obsessions with the Clintons. Very weird. All MSNBC programming is now off my DVR. Well, except Dan Abrams who occasionally has some worthwhile material, although some of his attempts to appear “balanced” by bashing something Hillary’s campaign does seem to be a stretch.

    AND WELCOME ABOARD HERE! You are a delight, and an excellent writer!

  • Silver

    Well, that explains a lot. He’s not really playing with a full deck, is he. Doesn’t seem to make the connection between low ratings and asinine behavior. What’s the definition of insanity—when you keep repeating the same behavior, but expect different results.

    • norrismorris

      As I thought, he’s not good at attracting women, and can’t figure out why.

      Clinton and Ben N. are attractive brilliant chick magnets whether one agrees with their policies or not. Ideologically far apart but both verbal, stimulating, and sexually appealing. And intellectuals inspite of Chris M’s cluelessness.

      A mighty insecure man who is jealous of charming men, and denigrates women as often as he can.

      He should be off the air if he can’t figure out why his obnoxious,bombastic,spittlespeak sexist trash talk is unattractive and uninteresting.

      He does thrash around a lot and has a potty mouth.