For your amusement: Unruly teen deterrent: Barry Manilow
By Uppity Woman on March 18, 2009 at 2:00 PM in Current Affairs
Technology has given us devices that act as flea and mosquito deterrents, but they have never quite been able to develop a device that deters or at least pacifies a larger more common pesky species known as Narcissistic Unruly Teens who tend to hang out in large intimidating groups in public places.
You’ve seen them at the mall. That is, if your mall hasn’t gone bankrupt yet.
They perform odd kabuki-like skits and stroll abreast in groups, instinctively knowing that this habit stops traffic–much to the annoyance of aimless exercising seniors on break from the casino and shopaholics who only have a few hours left with which to increase their debt load.
Free of charge, these pesky mall inhabitants provide clueless adults valuable information on and lessons in body groping, rudeness, creative hair coloring, shoplifting, the most current searing swear words, the latest Barack Obama gear and gum chewing. They take up the few benches scattered around the mall, thus forcing old people to lean against walls in order to rest. They clog up and slop up the pizza kiosk and the surrounding area, and really, the only places in most malls that are safe from them are book stores (you could shoot a canon in there and not hit anyone) and the pricier restaurants.
Unable to legally include thorazine in the soft pretzels, mall security has truly been at a loss for years.
What to do? What to do?
Enter Barry Manilow. Sputter….
I recall reading a few years ago that a city piped Barry Manilow tunes into a park to drive away teens who tended to hang out there, drink a lot and taunt other people. Anyone who has ever had to tolerate his music in an elevator knows instinctively that this idea worked and the kids were driven from the park. So I knew it was just a matter of time before this low-cost deterrent would become fashionable. It would be nice if they would consider bringing it to our shores–although I would forsee the ACLU declaring blaring Manilow music to be cruel and inhumane treatment which thwarts teens from torturing old people at malls.
WELLINGTON, New Zealand– It’ll be Barry Manilow versus the mall rats. The New Zealand city of Christchurch hopes that putting the American crooner’s smooth and gentle tones into the mix of music to be broadcast through the central mall district can pacify unruly teens who congregate there_ or at least convince them to go elsewhere.
“The intention is to change the environment in a positive way … so nobody feels threatened or intimidated,” Central City Business Association manager Paul Lonsdale told The Associated Press. “I did not say Barry Manilow is a weapon of mass destruction.”
A group of several dozen young people regularly spread rubbish, spray graffiti, get intoxicated, use drugs, swear and intimidate patrons at the outdoor mall, he said.
The city council, police and local property owners covering 410 businesses agree that “nice, easy listening” music like Manilow’s “Can’t Smile Without You,” “Mandy” and other hits might change the behavior of loitering teens.
But teens being what we have created, there are always a few who will hang around where thet are not welcome just for spite.
But one 16-year-old told The Press newspaper that unfashionable music wouldn’t deter them.
“We would just bring a stereo and play it louder,” Emma Belcher said.
I’m betting that Manilow will still eventually break them down though. If not, then they will learn that age and treachery still trumps youth and energy.
Lonsdale countered that the city would then hit them with anti-noise laws.
I think this could catch on in the USA don’t you? The only drawback I can find is that Barry will also drive away at least half of the adults as well. I know I would be one of them.
, the basis for the Best Motion Picture Nominee (Golden Globes) starring Brad Pitt.
, the novel by John Le Carre, a new motion picture starring Gary Oldman and Colin Firth.
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