Just Have A Good Cry…

Awww. Poor baby. There, there. It’s going to be OK.

So the guy you thought was Mr. Wonderful turns out to be Mr. Disappointment.   He’s let you down in so many ways.  You thought he would change your life for the better, and now you wish you’d taken time to get to know him before making that big commitment.  It’s called “vetting.”

After your previous long and painful relationship, you had a chance to do it right this time, and you blew it.  You made a bad choice while you were on the rebound, and now you’re stuck with him.

We tried to warn you, but you wouldn’t listen.

Rebound relationships are usually doomed from the start.  You’re so happy to be free of the old one, you rush into the next with your hair on fire.

You start thinking how all the happiness you’ve been missing is just around the corner, in the person of that attractive stranger you hope to meet real soon.

Before you know it, you’re making the rounds, asking friends for introductions, looking for love. Having just ended a bad relationship, you are a bit vulnerable, whether you realize it or not. You find yourself willing, even eager, to believe in magic again.

So, as it usually happens, along comes someone that sweeps you off your feet. Someone who seems really exciting and not at all like The Monster you just got out of your life. This person is different! This person could be The One! Your Savior!

It’s called “infatuation.” You are chemically ready to form a new partnership with a new love. It’s over-powering! It’s so fun! So exciting! So… insane!

You don’t even KNOW this person, and yet there you are, giving all you have to a virtual stranger, swept up in the “newness” of it. You keep saying, “it’s never felt like this before! This must be true love!”

“I feel like I’ve known you my whole life!” you exclaim passionately. Or perhaps it’s, “I feel like we were meant to be together! You are the one I’ve been waiting for!”

You are so excited, you can’t stop talking about your new love to all your friends. While they may share your happiness, inside they are trying to think how to tell you to slow the hell down!

They may know something about this person that you don’t, or maybe they just think you are not thinking clearly. They try to warn you to be careful. Slow down. Think it through. What do you really know about him?

And how do you respond to this caution from your friends? Not well!

You become defensive and paranoid. You think it’s ridiculous anyone would question your judgment.

“Why are you against me finally being happy? Why can’t you see how wonderful we are together?”

Your friends may ask if you have checked up on this person, if you have done any background investigating, or if you have some references to vouch for this stranger. The nerve of these people!!

You are willing to defend this stranger with your life. You are ready to dump lifetime friendships for this person who has bowled you over with giddy excitement. Whatever New Love says is the ultimate truth!

“And besides, all his friends are so cool! And they all think we are perfect together! So who needs fair-weather friends who can’t support my decisions and accept that I am now a better person and in a better place than before? Who needs you?!”

They try to reason with you, but to no avail. You are already over the edge. You are convinced this is it!

Now that you are committed to New Love, your Old Love is now The Enemy, along with all the old mutual friends! And the in-laws! And the people at your old hang-outs, and all your old friends who don’t enthusiastically support your new obsession. So you shut them out, every one of them.

Your new life now established, it’s time to settle down again and just be a couple.

Now for the first wavelets of doubt.

First, he disses your family and friends, more and more. He seems to care nothing about your life outside of him. He’s always needing money. You begin to wonder about the whole thing, and start to question him about a few things in particular.

“Who was that on the phone? Why do you hide your email?

What happened to the money I had hidden in the cookie jar? What do you mean, “our” money?

Why can’t we go out this weekend? You have other plans? With who?

Are you lying to me? I can’t believe this! I gave up my whole life for you, and now you lie to me!

Is that even your real name? I feel like I don’t even know you anymore!

You told me when we met that you were going to do all these things, but now you’re saying something completely different! Whatever happened to our plans? Why are you turning away from me? Don’t you even care what I think anymore?

The Rebound Relationship everyone warned you about came into your life when you wanted someone different to change your life, to give you hope for something magical, to transform your life from the dreary to the new and exciting. And now, POOF! It’s over. And you are sadder, but wiser.

And your life has changed, all right. New Love has already maxed out your credit cards. Your bank account is empty. Mr. Wonderful is even bad-mouthing you while spending your money, and laughing at you because you were so gullible.

And your old friends, who tried so hard to warn you? Most of them will take you back, if you show a little remorse for treating them badly, and show that you have come back to your senses.

But for now, just have a good cry. There, there. It’ll be OK.