Don’t trust a man (except me, of course)
By Old Grumpy Guy on May 6, 2009 at 11:00 PM in Feminism, Gender Bias, Misogyny, OldGrumpyGuy, Open Thread, Sexism, Women's Suffrage
Here’s one for the feminists. It’s another tongue-in-cheek song from my musical $ucce$$! (now seeking a Broadway home). The song is sung by an Irish-Latino character named Juanita Fitzgerald. The lyrics are as follows:
JUANITA:
Don’t trust a man or you’ll be sorry
Men just cause worry
CHORUS:
They’ll make a fool of you
JUANITA:
They only bring anxiety
Just take it from me!
CHORUS:
Men will just leave you blue
JUANITA:
Don’t trust a man
He’ll only hurt you
He’ll only make a fool of you
He’ll take what he can
And then desert you
That’s men for you
They’ll leave you blue
There’s nothing much a girl can do
CHORUS:
He will hurt you
Then desert you
JUANITA:
All men are swine as you’ll discover
You won’t recover
CHORUS:
They’re evil through and through
JUANITA:
They’ll promise you the earth and sky
Then leave you to cry
CHORUS:
That’s what a man will do
JUANITA:
You always hope there’s one exception
One who will make your dreams come true
But all you get is lies, deception
That’s men for you; I know it’s true
All men are rotten through and through
CHORUS:
Love is just a misconception
JUANITA:
Men have a single function, namely
They just exist to plug the gap
Most of them do it rather lamely
CHORUS:
Let’s wipe ‘em off the map!
JUANITA:
I think it’s clear that we don’t need ‘em
So we won’t breed ‘em
CHORUS:
Then there’ll be none at large
JUANITA:
We just won’t bear their progeny
That’s how it will be
CHORUS:
Then women can take charge
JUANITA:
We don’t need them as pollinators
Test tubes will do their work instead
Then they’ll have no chance to frustrate us
They’ve had their day; that’s what I say
I can’t see any other way
CHORUS:
We don’t need ‘em
We won’t breed ‘em
JUANITA:
A man was born to cause us sorrow
Sure as tomorrow
CHORUS:
That’s all a man is for
JUANITA:
All those I’ve known turned out to be
A burden to me
CHORUS:
Let’s show ‘em all the door
JUANITA:
A man will always try to use you
Then he’ll abuse you
CHORUS:
We just can’t take no more
JUANITA:
I think that we can do without it
No doubt about it
We’ll have no more
CHORUS:
Give ‘em what for
We’ll show ‘em all the door
Clear the floor
Clear them out
Till there’s no more
JUANITA:
We’ll have no more
CHORUS:
When there are none at large
We’ll take charge
When they’re gone
We’ll carry on
JUANITA:
We’ll soldier on
ALL:
And then we’ll all be free
Free to be anything we want to be
(Release: November 13)
on sale for only $16.95.
has a spatula.)
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You are very talented OGG. I’m impressed.
Unfortunately I LIKE men. So I’m stuck with you.
Bravo!!! This is so much fun! You (and Juanita Fitzgerald) are extremely talented. Now we know why you haven’t been as grumpy on NQ lately.
I can’t wait until your musical not only finds a home on Broadway but eventually gets to Denver.
Thanks Diana. You can always try to interest the local theater companies
I’m kinda partial to men myself, Grumpy. But I’ll make an exception for you.
Mwwwwwwwwahahahahaa.
You are evil, Uppity
Mwaaaaaaaaahahaaaaaaaa
Hi Grumpy,
Great clip, looks like a show I’d enjoy and relate to, hope it hits Broadway soon. Thanks for being a real man and drawing attention to our plight.
I missed the full list of your Top 10 composers. I saw that at least one was Classical, but have always wondered if RAY DAVIES was on the list. Now I’d also like to know if you saw RAY’s “Come Dancing” and what you thought of it if you did.
Cheers,
tRAcY
*crickets*
I guess not.
Thanks OGG. Great Fun Song! Best of luck in finding it a Broadway home.
I like to think of myself as Pro Women, not a Feminist. The Feminist lost me back in the 70’s with their anti men attacks and attacks against women who weren’t aggressive hard core career women.
Grumpy — A group of Amazon ants have evolved the perfect scheme: no males. The mycocepurus smithii reproduce via cloning. They don’t “waste” time and energy in sexual reproduction and in male nonsense. They have gained some extraordinary abilities.
http://www.impactlab.com/2009/04/18/race-all-female-ant-society-that-reproduces-by-cloning-discovered/
Sorry, I typed “race” instead of “rare”, so again the link:
http://www.impactlab.com/2009/04/18/rare-all-female-ant-society-that-reproduces-by-cloning-discovered/
OGG,
As your song was going through my head last night, all those years of teaching Romeo and Juliet to ninth graders tricked my memory of one of my favorite lines spoken by Juliet’s nurse:
The girls in class always liked it, too.
Whoa! I almost missed this, and I’m glad I didn’t. Great stuff, OGG. This is starting to look and sound like big-time Broadway stuff! Nice thing is, you’re doing it without a gimmick (like dressing everyone up like frogs, or undressing everyone completely)–just good clever lyrics with a point. I love this line:
Nice!
I just noticed I used “stuff” twice and “nice” twice. I wasn’t trying to be snarky–I’m just tired. Your production is much better than mere “stuff” and considerably more impressive than “nice!”
OGG,
I am always delighted when you post here at NQ. I certainly wish the very best for your endeavor. Your ‘Juanita Fitzgerald’ is very talented.
I’m curious as to why you posted this. I’m sure any grown woman can identify with the sentiments ‘Juanita’ sings with some episode or aspect of her life, the betrayal aspect has resonance.
However, I don’t like the proposition of rendering all men as vermin who should be eradicated. Its grossly unfair to those who are good people
Its the same as characterizing all women as (for example) the thieving, conniving bitch who marries for security and money and gives nothing emotionally. Sure, some do (rotten pieces of filth) but not all. Just like some men are as ‘Juanita’ sings rotten pieces of filth.
Personally, I find this tedious anymore. Why not start celebrating the heroes and heroines who refuse to debase themselves?