Joe Biden = Comedy Relief

Joe “Blow” Biden has been painting a target on his ass again. With foot firmly in mouth, he spews whatever comes to mind, apparently powerless to control his own tongue. Not long ago, he was blathering about Swine Flu, suggesting everyone avoid public transit. Then it was disclosing the whereabouts of Dick Cheney’s “undisclosed location” during the 9/11 attacks, right there in the VP living quarters where Biden himself would probably be hiding in the event of another major threat to national security. Now it appears he is banished from Washington, indeed the entire U.S., as a “time-out” so he can think about his misbehavior.

Biden Banished To Balkans. Joe Biden Deported to Bosnia. Those are paraphrased headlines I’ve seen this week. Apparently, many writers see Biden’s trip to the Balkan states as some sort of punishment meted out to the verbose veep by an embarrassed Obama. Well, stranger things have happened. I suppose Obama, a gaffe-master in his own right, is a little exasperated with old Joe Blow. P*BO is probably tired of slapping his forehead and wincing “Doh!”

I’ve been reading various news sources and other blogs about Biden’s loose lips. It’s been entertaining and enlightening. What many writers don’t express, for fear of putting their own feet in their own mouths, the commenters gladly fill in the blanks.

Various comments tend to comingle in the mind until you forget where you read a particular statement, and the line between reporting and comments from village idiots becomes so blurred, it’s kind of like the mainstream media!

I began to think to myself, as I often do, that if I put together a list of comments from Biden himself, satirists putting humorous words in his mouth, and crazy talk from crazy commenters, it would be tough to know which was real. A true-or-false quiz would be impossible to pass for most of us. Did Joe really confirm the existence of aliens at Area 51? And did he really call Obama an immigrant? Now I can’t remember!

One comment I read in various forms at various sites suggested that Obama made a great choice for his Vice President in the same way that Bush had life insurance in the form of Dick Cheney: the man in the Oval Office may suck, but not nearly as bad as the alternative, next in line of succession. Good point. On the other hand, others remarked that such a poor choice for the person a heartbeat away from the Presidency shows Obama’s poor judgment. I certainly don’t question that one either.

I suppose a quick review of Biden’s foolish statements should be included here, but I think we’ve all seen them, heard them, and/or read them elsewhere. This is not to say that these gaffes have been fully covered by the MSM. But I trust faithful readers of NQ have seen plenty already.

Less reported, and not clearly in the category of gaffes, were some priceless comments the VP made to the graduating class of Wake Forest on May 18, 2009 (where he had campaigned in October of 2008, when this photo was taken):

“I believe so strongly, as you may recall when I was here in October, not in you particularly but your generation, that I don’t have a single doubt in my mind we’re on the cusp not only of a new century but a new day for this country and the world.”

Well, that’s about as clear as mud. What else you got?

“There’s not a single issue on this President’s plate that will not yield a change — just merely by ignoring it, it will change.”

So, like, change is… what? When the voting public voted for “Change” in the last election, did they realize that change would come, no matter who won? I mean, it would be a change in President, no matter what, because Bush was maxed out on re-election. We could have gotten just as much “change” by voting in a couple of complete idiots. (ba-da-boom)

“Folks, we’re either going to fundamentally change the course of history, or fail the generations that come after us, because change will occur. Non-action is action, unlike most generations.”

Oh! Now I get it! He’s saying that change will occur! Kind of like the fact that it’s a different world right “now” than it was when you started reading this! We’re either going to change or not, but change will occur! That makes sense! I think.

But what is this bit about non-action is action? And it only applies to the generation of this graduating class?

Is this a Zen thing? Love is hate. War is peace. Reality is satire.

“But today, with all the difficulties you face, you graduated into a moment where your opportunities are much greater. And your charge is not to restore anything but to make anew.”

Make a new what? What the hell is this guy yammering about?

Why are their opportunities greater than mine were? Because they are graduating from Wake Forest? Or was it meant to refer to their generation at large? I must think long and hard on this matter.

“This has been the history of the journey of America — never, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, never have the American people let their country down at rare moments, similar moments in our history. And it’s a journey we’re all going to take together.”

Excuse me, Mister Vice President, did you say “ever” or “never?” Which is it? I think to be absolutely clear, you should have said, “never, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever… and then say never, never, never, never, never… But I’m confused again. Aren’t those words opposites? Kind of like action and inaction? Pardon me, I meant “non-action,” of course. What was I thinking?

Well, I’m sure the grads at Wake Forest came away with a new appreciation for the office of Vice President of the United States. They must sleep well at night, knowing that their country is in such capable hands. After all, he must be extremely intelligent, because even college graduates have a hard time understanding him. And certainly the P*OTUS wouldn’t have picked him for his next-in-line if Biden wasn’t someone very “special.”

And he even had some words to ponder for the parents of the students:

“So I say to all you parents, today is payday. You get a raise today. Don’t encourage them to go to graduate school, because it keeps up.”

In other words, finally, you can stop paying for that college education, unless your kid is stupid enough to want to become a doctor or lawyer. So don’t put that ridiculous idea in their fertile brains. We have enough professional students already. It’s time they got out of the classroom and started earning their keep! Why, with an Associate’s Degree, the world is their oyster! They are well-prepared for life as a computer operator! And by golly, with a little luck, they might even pay you back all that money you spent sending them to school. It’s like money in the bank!

But the one part of his commencement speech that really caught my attention is this one:

“Doing nothing, or taking history into our own hands and bending it, bending it in service of a better day. So embrace the moment. Don’t shy away from it. You know how I feel. I’m confident you must feel the same way. For one thing I’ve learned is that in the face of struggle, there is a greater risk in accepting a situation we cannot sustain. Does anybody think we can sustain our present energy policy? Does anybody think we can sustain our present economic policy? Does anyone think we can sustain our present educational policy? Does anyone think we can sustain our present environmental policy?”

Apart from the fact that this sounds like a recycled campaign speech…

Vice President of the United States, Joseph Biden, asks us this important question:

Can we “sustain our present economic policy?”

Let me think: “present economic policy” and “unsustainable” are ringing a bell. Now where have I heard those words together recently? I think it had something to do with exponentially increasing America’s debts and deficits beyond comprehension.

Mr. Biden? May I answer your question? I’m going to guess that the answer is “no.”