The President Slams His Sycophants, His Policies and His Staff at Dinner

President Obama spoke at the TV and Radio Correspondents’ Dinner on Saturday, where some of his jokes reflected a greater attachment to truth than he finds necessary in any of his speeches or press conferences. Although, like his predecessor, who chose to joke about looking for WMDs under the podium when delivering a speech, I can’t find very much of what Mr. Obama says very amusing. CQPolitics has the entire transcript of his remarks, but here is a sampling for your listening and dining pleasure:

I want to express my appreciation for the opportunity to tell jokes that weren’t funny enough for me to use when we did this five weeks ago. (Laughter.) Whatever. (Laughter.) The jokes may not be as good, but neither is the guest list. (Laughter.) I’m just joking. For me, there’s no contest. Why bother hanging out with celebrities when I can spend time with the people who made me one? (Laughter.) I know where my bread is buttered.

I should say so, Mr. President. The Press threw a yearlong party for you and stuck us with the bill. This video captures part of his remarks:

It is great to be here with so much talent from the world of TV and radio. Despite the flood of new media, I think your programming is more relevant than ever before. At least, that’s the impression I get when I read the blogs every day. (Laughter.)

I appreciate his compliment. Surely big media is increasingly irrelevant while citizen journalists on blogs like this one are doing a helluva lot more to hold our representatives’ feet the fire. Wonder how the Press who have been disseminating his Kool-Aid feel about being told they are, collectively, “his bitch?” The camera cut away to Chris Matthews not looking at all amused. Whatsamatter, Chris, are ya’ pissed the President doesn’t get a tingle up his leg about you?

Mika Brzezinski is here, I believe, in the house. (Applause.) Mika and I have a lot in common. We both have partners named Joe who used to be in Congress and don’t know when to stop talking. (Laughter.)

Gee, I guess Scarborough being the only holdout on MSNBC who thinks our President is kinda goofy has not escaped Obama’s notice. It seems quite narcissistic to so closely monitor every single lowly person who has the temerity to criticize you. But surely VP Biden has done just as much in that regard – thanks, Joe – both of you!

And President Obama cannot help but insult his own senior staff. He talked about wanting to turn Larry Summers into a hologram – you ain’t alone, Mr. President. And of course the evening would not be complete without deriding his very successful and very popular Secretary of State and intimating that her staff wants to maim her:

Now, one person that you know could not be here tonight is Secretary Hillary Clinton. As most of you know, Hillary broke her elbow a few days ago on her way to the White House. And we all wish her a very speedy recovery. I do have to say, though, that while it’s been reported as an accident, there were some suspicious. (Laughter.) Just before the incident, Secret Service spotted Richard Holbrooke spraying WD-40 — (laughter) — all over the driveway. (Laughter.)

No, Mr. President, but I wonder if that’s what you wanted to do – (laughter) – all during the Primary. (laughter).

Not surprisingly, Andrea Mitchell was the one who laughed the loudest at the President’s joke. Why shouldn’t she? She had plenty WD-40 of her own waiting for Hillary last year.

But this is the piece de resistance:

I have to admit, though, it wasn’t easy coming up with fresh material for this dinner. A few nights ago, I was up tossing and turning, trying to figure out exactly what to say. Finally, when I couldn’t get back to sleep, I rolled over and asked Brian Williams what he thought. (Laughter and applause.)

Good one, Mr. President. Brian Williams certainly is in bed with you. Yes, it’s all said in jest, but I wonder if deep down it irks Williams, aka “Mr. Gravitas,” that the man to whom he just bowed his head in an interview sees fit to humiliate him in public. Well, Brian, you broke it, you bought it.

The President then pointed out to more laughter out how “ABC is planning a series called “Dancing with the Czars.” Yeah, let’s celebrate the fact that the people supposed to be doing their jobs can’t do their jobs because we have all these “czars” in the way running interference at every turn. Wow. That is side splitting.

Look, it’s nothing personal, but this dinner conflicts with my date night. (Laughter.) I was supposed to be going out with Michelle for Thai food. In Bangkok. (Laughter and applause.)

That’s a laugh riot! Unemployment keeps rising but you keep making jokes about giving us bread and circuses, spending taxpayer money on these extravagant personal junkets. George Bush got himself into a lot of trouble for giving the impression he was “fiddling while Rome burns.” Let’s see how this behavior works out for you with the voters…

I found this next section particularly telling:

Of course, most of my attention has been focused here back home. As you know, we’ve been working around the clock to repair our major financial institutions and our auto companies. But you probably wouldn’t understand the concept of troubled industries, working as you do in the radio and television.
AUDIENCE: Oooh!
THE PRESIDENT: Oh — we don’t joke about that, huh? (Laughter.) That’s not funny. (Laughter.)

I realize some may hate Hollywood or news networks and blame them for electing Obama, but be aware there are many honorable rank and file folks in TV, radio and film who may not agree with his politics but they still have to feed their families – they are unemployed now too. This is a multi-billion dollar industry that helps keep our country afloat, as much as any other successful industry does. To deride it seems rather ungracious to me. But why not, Mr. President, you’ve got your book deal, right?

And after he made jokes about his fly swatting prowess…here’s a few more tasty treats:

Now, the challenges we face are many, and I’ll be honest — I don’t have all the answers. And when I’m not sure what’s right, I often ask myself, “WWLD?” What would a wise Latino do? …
(snip)
Another difficult challenge is how to help our automakers thrive in the 21st century. We’ve tried a number of different approaches, and tonight, I’m announcing a new one. It’s a plan passed on to me by a close friend and advisor, Oprah Winfrey. So if each of you will look under your seat, you find that — (laughter) — you get a car company! (Laughter.) You get a car company! And FOX — you get AIG. (Laughter.) Enjoy!

The truth is, as I’ve said all along, I have no ambition to run an auto company. I’m not the salesman-in-chief. And GM will rise or fall on the quality of its products — like the taut, athletic design of the new Buick Enclave. (Laughter.) It’s French-seamed leather and warm wood tones make the Enclave more than transportation. (Applause.) It’s a modern driver’s retreat. (Laughter.) Come on, work with me here. I’ve got cars to move, people! (Applause.)

It makes me so happy that the President can mine so much good comedy material from our economic problems and his horrid policies; buying an automaker that even he does not think is much good. Mission Accomplished, Mr. President. Oops. Sorry. That was the other one who said that. Meet the new boss. Same as the old boss.

In closing, the President said the following:

…[D]espite the jokes I’ve told, I’m here tonight because I appreciate the work that all of you do and the role that you play. You report the news as it happens, and you’re covering history as it’s made. With a handheld camera or a mic, or now even a cell phone or a blog, you bring the truth to people and allow people to bring truth to the world.

Well, I’m not sure who in our fourth estate is bringing the truth to the world anymore, but perhaps some of them will take the President’s suggestion to heart and find a way to do their jobs again.