Health Insurance Reform Or Turd Car?

Who wouldn’t want real health care reform? Most of us want standard health services available universally to all American citizens, a sensible plan funded with tax dollars in a sensible way. We’ve waited a long time for it, mostly since President Bill Clinton introduced the idea in 1992, and appointed his wife, Hillary Rodham Clinton to spearhead the effort once he was elected.

So when the President and Congress announce that they are going to give it to us, why do we back off, and even work against its enactment? There are plenty of reasons, but this analogy occurred to me and won’t leave my head. It’s like an “ear worm,” a song that you can’t get out of your mind.

See if this doesn’t make sense to you, especially those of you who can’t figure out why a group largely composed of Clinton supporters – Democrats by heritage and habit – are against the health care reform being offered, when nothing like it has ever been offered before. I’m sure it makes no sense to you. I hope this will help you understand.

Sometime in the middle of the last century, I evolved from a child to a teenager. With that evolution, I developed all the cravings of most teenagers. Paramount among these urges was a car (or truck). With a car comes mobility, freedom of movement. When paired with peer pressure, the acquisition of wheels becomes a status symbol you dare not be without. In the case of boys, these elements are the keys to the kingdom of young manhood. With those powers comes the opportunity to attract girls, and a place to woo them in privacy.

Every boy wants a vehicle all his own. It is everything. Boys start young with toy cars and trucks, some growing into collectors of models or pictures, or helping Dad or the cool kid on the block when they work on their cars and trucks. Pretending to drive the car parked in the driveway. Dreaming of the magical day when you will have your own wheels.

So what kid wouldn’t be thrilled when Dad says he’ll help you get your own wheels? Not the old family car or some piece of junk, but he’ll co-sign the loan so you can get something only a few years old! Most guys would jump at the chance! But a quick decision could be the worst decision of your life.

What if that deal is only good for the car of Dad’s choosing? Hmmm.  You’d hate to look a gift horse in the mouth, but what does he have in mind? In the 1960s, all my teen friends were driving cool rides like ‘57 Chevies, or ‘65 Goats, or even a VW Bus (any year, they’re all alike).

What did Dad more or less force you to buy? A 1964 Ford 4-door sedan with a small engine. A state car, driven by some low-level bureaucrat for three years, then traded in for a new one. The bank loves it! Dad is so proud! And you have your dream fulfilled – a car.  Sort of.

There’s nothing wrong with the car in particular, it’s just embarrassingly nondescript and definitely not cool. Your pleas for a better alternative are turned down by the bank and Dad, so you have a choice, wheels or no wheels. This car or save your money for a few years.

It’s a turd car!  You find it embarrassing, and it’s not going to help you get laid. Your friends will laugh at you. And worst of all, you will be having to pay for something you pretty much hate for several years. All of a sudden, bumming rides with your friends doesn’t sound so bad. Only problem there is that your buds now have girlfriends riding shotgun and you’re not exactly welcome most of the time, Mr. Crowd.

You’re too old for bicycles, too young to get your own loan, and too browbeaten to say no to Dad. After all, he’s so happy he can do this for you! But you’re the one who has to drive an auditor’s car, you’re the one who has to make 48 monthly payments (“GAWD, I’ll be 20 by then!”). As an extra bonus, you have to pay for your own insurance, and as a 16-year-old boy, those monthly payments are more than the car payments!

But you cave, you agree, you sign the loan papers and drive away in the lamest car on the road, as you see it. Now you’re locked in. This is you, your life, your personality for those vital teen years. You can forget about dating a cheerleader or home-coming queen. With this car, you’ll join the ranks of the Undatables. You have wheels, but your life is in shambles.

OK, what the hell, give it a try. Don’t be so judgmental. Ingratitude is not a virtue. At least you’re not hoofing it around town or riding transit. But then those predictions start coming true. You are NOT cool. Everyone knows it. How do you change that? About the only real solution is to move to a new town. Or join a gang.

In any case, that car is now the object of your greatest hatred (except for the mobility part). You can’t sell it for enough to break even. But with that full-coverage insurance on the damn thing, maybe you could total it without getting hurt… Hmmm…

The point of this analogy is that once you take ownership of the lame deal, once you sign the contract, you are stuck with it. You wanted your own wheels so badly, you made a deal with the Devil (banker).

Actually, this scenario could apply to anyone, even today. Any schmo with poor credit who needs a vehicle badly enough can start believing what used car salesmen tell them. Can you imagine that?

“Only 28% interest for seven years? Really? Say, that’s not so bad! And you say I can choose between the Kia and the Yugo?”

Marry the wrong person and the details are different, but the analogy is the same. Buyer’s remorse. Years of hell to pay for an impetuous decision.

When you are making a major purchase, like a house or a car, you can’t just change your mind and trade for something else. You made the deal, now you are stuck with it.

It’s even worse with new laws, particularly entitlement laws. It’s almost impossible to get them off the books, once established.

So the President and Congress Obama Democrats say they are going to bring about national health care reform. Or health insurance reform. Or something. Nobody really seems to know what it is, but dammit, we will have it and like it! Bend over and spread ‘em!

I’m willing to pay my fair share, whether in the current system or as taxes for a program for all, but I just want to know what exactly it is first. And I most urgently want to know if it’s going to extend or worsen the Obama Depression. Will it work out at least as good as Medicare? Or will it be the straw that broke the country’s back and crashes our economic system?

Before I say “I’m in,” I want to read the fine print. Better yet, I want every law-maker who has a vote on this bill to read all that fine print and have all of it translated into real words, explained carefully in lay terms with real life examples, until it is absorbed and understood by every congressperson. Then, and only then, will I have any confidence that what I’m hearing is pretty close to the truth and the actual way it will play out.

I can wait. I’ve waited this long. I just don’t want my descendants to be stuck with my turd car for eternity. And I don’t want to support a program that will cost more than we can afford when we can least afford it.

I’m in no hurry to rush universal health coverage. America needs JOBS. That is the only issue that really matters right now to most Americans.