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Candidates jump into races in non-existent Congressional Districts that created thousands of jobs via Stimulus money

By Uppity Woman on November 22, 2009 at 4:00 PM in Current Affairs

As we recall, the cardboard cutout humping children working at the White House recorded 440 Congressional Districts that received $6.4 Billion in Stimulus money which was used to create jobs. The problem is, none of those districts exist.

Well they do now. A well-fed Uber-conservative “Think Tank” guy named Grant Bosse has announced his Congressional candidacy in the Double Zero Phantom New Hampshire district.

One of the districts, the Double-Zero…The Fightin’ Double-Zero…actually had 2,800 jobs credited to it under the stimulus.

And despite this massive job creation in the Double-Zero, despite the tremendous amount of tax dollars going to this previously unknown district, the people of the Double-Zero are without a voice in Congress. Well, that’s unacceptable.

Today, I am announcing the start of my campaign for Congress in New Hampshire Double-Zero District!

Well who wouldn’t want to run in a district that received that kind of money, right? I mean the district slot is non-competitive considering it’s non-existent. I’ve got to give Bosse credit for his enterprising nature and a sense of humor that is so often missing in his environment.

And what of 2,800 jobs??

The Double-Zero is a magical land. A mythical land. And place that only exists in the buggy databases of DC bureaucrats. In fact, just a few days after finding out that the Double-Zero had created all those stimulus jobs, the bureaucrats at Recovery.gov took them away.

Ah Mr. Bosse. We all know very well how that goes. That’s why God made Screen Shots and Backtrack software. I’m sure someone in your district would be able to help you with that if there were someone in your district. Might I suggest you call upon ACORN to help you get voters to cross state lines and register to vote in your empty district?

Most of our Representatives are proving to be Double Zeros themselves so you should fit right in! I probably hate your politics and you do appear not to be having a problem putting, as George used to say, “Food On Your Face,” like so many Americans do at the moment, but you are just too funny to resist. I think you ran before in a real district, didn’t you? You might have better luck in Double Zero. Especially with those 2,800 new jobs just waiting for residents!

We at Uppty Woman’s place will be sending you phantom donations just as soon as we get our Stimulus checks, Mr. Bosse!

Bosse isn’t the only candidate in non-existent Congressional districts that have created jobs.

Josh Schroeder has thrown his hat into the ring for election to Missouri’s 14th Phantom District.

Here’s his photo, which when right clicked upon and saved from his blog, is humbly named “Josh Zazzle Profile”. Josh is a Pastoral Ministry student pursuing a Master of Divinity degree from Concordia Seminary in Saint Louis. You can get a link at his site to a nice Lutheran Bible Study course, which I know you all really want to do. Just goes to show you, religious zealots can have a sense of humor now and then too.

Good luck, Zazzle! You are gonna need God if you are planning on finding that Stimulus money!

Now, remember folks, there are still 338 non-existent districts that have created thousands of jobs using many millions of Stimulus dollars. They need Representation. And residents. So if you are interested you can find them all here. Who knows? You might even find some of that $6.4 Billion!

**Thanks to reader Pamelaofthepocanos for the hysterically funny tip!

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From my blog, Uppity Woman.