The GoverNuts

My friends over at the GoverNuts Headquarters have asked me to help them share a little holiday cheer with the unregulated media monitors – you – on this blog. They, The Nuts, enjoy the writers and the ever-clever POTUS (Oh, be still. That’s PEOPLE Of The United States) who add colonoscopic, penetrating insight to real world opinions and news, through the comment sections here. Though they lost their protocol director during the transition to their new digs the Nuts did find their near iconic, street-level guide to art of unraveling modern political cryptography. While they were Hoping to just Change the locks they Opened a large simi-Transparent box and found the lost promises volumes of their debut CD, The GoverNuts – Political Graffiti, and they want to share the wealth.

Actually I think they are a bunch of socialized capitalists because they want you to buy this CD for your friends, family and self so they can donate $4.00 from each CD to the NoQauarter spam-killer for mandatory, voluntary reeducation.

Actually it will go towards this website’s operating costs, and that’s good for the Nuts because they are counting on NQ people to provide them fodder for their 2010 release, tentatively titled “ “ to accurately depict all of the great DC accomplishments of late.

The debut CD was written around political and governmental shenanigans that seem to be repeated every cycle by the parties in power. So, instead of burning the few electron-producing chemicals that remain in my head trying to tell you more about the GoverNuts, I will just drop in a few lyrics from the CD.

Hide your wallet. Politika Rock

The polilitika rock is a pile of crock
But I guess we like the rhythm of the blues
Everybody’s swaying to political sayings
And turning on the late night news

Now the GoverNuts got a brand new band
And they think it’ll go all the way
But when they put your hands in your pockets
You can almost hear them say

Politika roll (big money) politika rock
Well we vote ‘em in because we think it’s a sin
To see a politician work a real job

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Many blog regulars will remember the fantastic filmmaker, Flineo. He produced the below embedded video last fall and many formerly respected luminaries said: “Naw! They won’t bring Chicago Politics to Washington. Would they? No way!”

Chicago Politics, most interesting politics
The circus is coming to your town
With jerks, buffoons and elephants
From the House of Delegates
And certified administrative clowns

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This is one aptly titled “Hail to the Mob.”

The big boys put a contract out on capitol hill
Well here’s the deal. Why don’t you all just go home!
We’ll take over. We won’t write no bills
There’ll be no more debates under the capitol dome

Balanced budget. Who do we owe this money to anyhow
Who was dumb enough to loan us this much in the first place

Hail, hail to the mob – We’re going to get it right
- No more parlimentary gobligook
- Peace. Not democracy
- Our way is your way
Hail, hail to the mob –

It’s the Chicago Way.

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And now a word from the Sinclair Congressional Campaign Committee (If he were The Law Man) Hey. It was on the front page of the Globe, so it has to be true – right?

And evening with me could be the thrill of your life
My shift is almost over let me give you a ride
I got a suitcase full of goodies that I saved form a bust
And the local bar is part of my security trust

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I really think I heard this next one was the transition team theme song. With all the issue-naked Hollywood stars and booty-slappin’ rappers hanging out with the boyz at the Frat House on 1600 this Nuts’ tune, Pornographic Pit, seems to fit nicely.

We’ll..Turn this whole damn town
Into a pornographic pit
Run out all the preachers
And bring in all the pimps

Put a banner on the interstate
Saying: “Welcome Everyone”
To the world’s largest
Pornographic pit

..they’ve given a whole new meaning
To home town U.S.A.

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With all the Poultry Committees popping up everywhere telling us how we can look at people, issues and ideas, being UnPC may be the new PC. Overheard coming from the Left Lawn: Chicken Liveration

Come one – Gather all. Now is the time for the Chicken Liveration. Chicken’s Rights!
Brak bak ba ..

Over on the hill by the chicken house
The chicks were having a ball
With pigs at the door, a real live band
And corn from wall to wall

Well everything was going fine
Till off in the distance they heard
A band of people (people!) people
Speaking those people words

It was a very good year because we ate a lot of chicken

Well Clara McClacker said: “Stop the ball!”
Now’s come a time for one and for all
To gather together in the Chicken Liveration

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What? Think the Right is off the hook? There’s even an oldie on the CD that was penned after the 1994 revolution.

We woke up and saw what they’d done
They’d given us no place to run
The moral minority is now the majority
“Let’s pray” is the priority.

It’s balanced.

The GOP holds a party
And puts a gorilla with religion at the door
While the democrats gather down at the river
And pass around the hat for more.

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Well. There’s the introduction to The GoverNuts – Political Graffiti. Go order your copies so you can wrap them up and send them to your former friends. Also, please remember.. and this is very important. I’ve sold this thing (my After-Death Voting Rights) many times, and my kids need the residuals.

When I’m dead please bury me in downtown Chicago
So I can still keep casting my vote!