Suspected Radical Republican bees infiltrate the White House grounds
By Uppity Woman on April 17, 2009 at 2:55 PM in Michelle Obama
The Hill reports that a swarm of bees was discovered in Michelle’s Victory Garden. The Hill reports this as a benign incident, but Uppity knows better and has her own report below.
Note: For those with no sense of humor or those with an MA over CA times 100 that is lower than three digits, the following piece is satire.
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A recent swarm of honey bees in Michelle’s Victory Garden led to a Homeland Security investigation to determine if the bees are Republican bees. The ornery bees were not carrying any bee signs, but they were rather hostile and therefore the potential that they were Right Wing Extremist Bees led to the intense investigation. Homeland Security Director Napolitano even made an appearance encased in netting, which seemed appropriate on so many levels.
Homeland security swarmed upon the swarm and a bee-swat team was dispatched. Three of the bees stung Homeland Security agents and were immediately arrested and charged with treason.
Luckily, Charlie Brandt, the White House carpenter (they have one of those?), is also a beekeeper who will be looking after two hives in Michelle Obama’s White House garden. Decked out in protective gear, Brandt coaxed the queen bee into a cardboard box. Most of the worker bees dutifully followed.
They followed the Queen Bee. Now that’s leadership. That’s why they had to kill her and blame her for the entire incident.
It was not revealed whether or not these bees were Carpenter Bees, but since the White House is fully exempt from hiring Union Carpenters, it doesn’t matter and the White House Carpenter has no grievance over the demand that he manage bees.
The Queen bee was killed, but she was just a female so nobody feels very bad about that. It had to be done. Obviously she was a superior leader and we can’t have female leaders getting any traction even in the bee world. That would make all the mediocre male bees feel inadequate even though that’s exactly what they are, considering they can’t make a single decision without their Queen.
The remaining bees were finally released when it was discovered that they weren’t Republicans at all. They were only harmless illegal undocumented foreign worker bees that had come here to take jobs away from Imperialist American bees.
ACORN was called in to force the remaining bees to register Democratic, and the bees were relocated into a nearby foreclosed home where they are currently wandering aimlessly because they lost their Queen. They were also given social security numbers of dead Americans and a number at the Department of Social Services to call in the morning. Walmart has also inquired as to whether they care to be employed in their Chinese honey factory and 12 members of congress have attempted to hire them for pollination positions at their palatial estates.
The Taliban sent a group letter to the White House praising them for the execution of the Woman Bee.
by Ronald Scott
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