Congratulations, Comrades and Comradesses! You are Proud Owners of Government Motors!
By Uppity Woman on May 29, 2009 at 10:00 AM in Auto Industry, Bailouts, Economy, General Motors & Chrysler
Susan’s Note: I did not write this story. I posted it on behalf of Uppity Woman and forgot to change the author name. Thankfully, Uppity Woman is kind about my being absent-minded. Please thank Uppity for this story!
Congratulations, Comrades and Comradesses!!
Your government is about to become the proud owner of a company that can’t make any money!
Aren’t you happpppppyyyyyy?
And our government is experienced! Look at Amtrak and the Post Office! How can we go wrong???
There is great joy!
Of course, GM could have gone bankrupt last year and saved you about 20 billion in payroll money, but not to worry. It’s just borrowed money. You and your children and grandchildren will have plenty of time to pay it back to China. Don’t be a stick in the mud!
A General Motors Corp. bankruptcy filing seemed inevitable after a rebellion by its bondholders forced it to withdraw on Wednesday a plan to swap bond debt for company stock.
GM has until Monday to complete a government-ordered restructuring that includes debt reduction, labor cost cuts and plant closures. But a Chapter 11 reorganization is likely after the company said its offer to exchange $27 billion in unsecured debt for 10 percent of the company’s stock had failed. GM has received $19.4 billion in federal loans.
GM shares lost 16 cents, or 11.1 percent, at $1.28 in premarket trading.
You will buy shares, yes?
John Pottow, a professor at the University of Michigan who specializes in bankruptcy, said GM evading bankruptcy now is almost impossible.
“They said no. That’s it. They tried. That’s why they’re going to have to file for bankruptcy,” Pottow said.
See? They tried. Isn’t that nice? They “tried” to shake down those unpatriotic capitalist bondholders who wouldn’t go in a hole themselves for The Cause, not good Comrades at all, the unpatriotic SOBs. They “tried” to keep operating on the people’s money, putting our national debt into further peril for decades, but they tried. What more do you want, you Imperialist Pigs?
But don’t worry. Your government is going to run Government Motors into the ground the rest of the way really well. In fact, the same people who have been involved with the bailouts and those Auto Task Force appointees who own no cars themselves except for that guy with the foreign car are going to help out too. I know you feel better about that.
Wilkinson would not say why GM didn’t make the offer to bondholders more attractive.
Because the bondholder deal did not go through, the equity freed by the UAW deal now apparently will go to the U.S. government, which may have to commit billions more for GM’s restructuring in court.
Imagine those bondholders. The nerve of them not being as stupid as our government is. Where’s the sacrifice of these capitalistic pigs?
Here’s the best part, Citizens: After the billions of borrowed money, America now is about to own nearly 70% of on of its most unsuccessful companies. All for the Glorious Cause! Besides, we are saving money because we don’t even have to change the GM logo.
The government’s stake in the company originally was to be 50 percent, according to GM’s regulatory filings. But it now could be as high as 69 percent. The Canadian government also could get equity for up to $8 billion in aid for the automaker.
But take heart, Citizens. Your glorious government is about to own the company that is excited about building the PUMA.
You will buy one, yes, Comrade?
Don’t let the fact that your dog is bigger than this car deter you, silly citizens. This is good transportation to and from potato fields and the first 100 buyers will get a Free Whole Chicken for the family! And when you get tired of driving, you can just pick it up and carry it while you walk! The PUMA is good for Global warming too, especially in North East winters, where Government Motors will guarantee that the earth won’t feel warm to you at all.
Citizens, your government wants you to know it is about choices. So if you don’t like that PUMA, Government Motors might even offer you the Pelosi GTXIi Sport Edition named for one of our most glorious leaders. Wouldn’t that be nice? We could name all the vehicles after helpful and beloved leaders such as The Barack! (with exclamation!), The Reid, or even The Frank. Maybe they could even take a trip down memory lane and name vehicles after other equally great and honest leaders. Like the DeLay, for example. Or how about The Ashcroft. How cool is that? They had better name one The Newt too, else they will never shut him up and he will go one and on and on and ……and on……and on. And on.
You will buy one, yes? You won’t mind towing it a hundred miles to the nearest dealer when it won’t start, right? I didn’t think so.
And just to make you feel even happier, look who we have to make our new Government Motors commercials for us!
by Ronald Scott
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