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My Father’s Words Still Haunt Me

By Steve_in_KC on June 21, 2009 at 9:01 PM in Current Affairs

My father was a man of few words, the strong silent type.  But he managed to impart a lot of wisdom and humor.  The things I remember are not always good, by today’s standards, but I do remember.

I often hear his words in my head as I go about everyday life, as if they were from my subconscious.  Sometimes, I can almost see his ghostly face reciting words of wisdom and valuable life lessons as I hurtle through space toward Earth in my crystal capsule… sorry, I was thinking of Jor-El.

Ten years ago, on Father’s Day, I last saw my father alive.  He was in his recliner in his living room, watching TV.  He seemed happy, but he was barely coherent.  I brought him a funny Fathers Day card, and he didn’t understand it.  I talked for awhile with my mother, six feet from him, and he didn’t hear a word we said.  He was transfixed by a golf tournement on TV the whole time.  He was 79 and had cancer and probably Alzheimer’s Disease.  He died a month later in a hospice.

I was never particularly close with my father, although he was a good provider and my parents had a strong marriage.  He owned a small service business and belonged to the country club a half mile away, and those two things preoccupied most of his mind and his time.  My mother shared his interests, so they were close.  The only time I remember spending with Dad was either from working for him (which I hated) or him trying to teach me golf (which did nothing for me).

But I remember his words, whether I want to or not, whether his advice was good or bad.  I don’t think his words held any more wisdom that those of my mother, but they were the words and wisdom of the man who raised me, the patriarch of my childhood.

Here are some words I frequently remember from him, some mundane, some sublime:

  • Never hit a female, no matter what she does or who she is.
  • Left is loose, right is tight.
  • Drive like everyone else on the road is crazy.
  • You’re not funny, it’s just the way your mother dresses you!
  • Keep your left arm straight and your eye on the ball.
  • My country, right or wrong!
  • A crescent wrench is a knuckle-buster.  Get a wrench that fits!
  • Boys don’t cry!
  • I guess I believe in God, but I’ll never understand how He could let my mother suffer like she did.
  • Ringo Starr is the ugliest man in the world!
  • I played golf with Ben Hogan!
  • I never have a drink till my work is done, and since I’m the boss, I’m done when I say so.
  • Keep your right up, jab with your left!
  • Glenn Miller made the best music in the world.
  • Don’t argue with your mother!
  • I always told myself that no matter what I did, I was going to be the best there is.

I think that last one stuck with me the most.  Thanks, Dad!

What about you folks?  What did you learn from your fathers?

  • oowawa

    Sweet, Steve. My Dad’s version of “Drive like everyone else on the road is crazy” was “Always expect the other guy to do the wrong thing.” His other extremely useful bit of driving advice was “Never back up farther than you have to.”

    Other general advice:

    (when I first went into the Marines) “Never volunteer for anything.”

    But mainly the “advice” came in just remembering his strength in the face of adversity.

    By the way, my Dad started watching golf on TV in his last few years and loved it, even though he never played a game in his life.

    Great post topic, and I’ll be very interested in other responses.

    • Steve_in_KC

      “Never volunteer for anything.”

      Damn, I wish I’d heard that one decades ago!! :D

      • oowawa

        LOL Steve, yes. My Dad was a pilot in WWII, and he learned about volunteerism the hard way.

  • TeakWoodKite

    Someone once asked my dad what country had he not been to. He said Switzerland, which was a better question than I had asked him as an 8 year old when I asked what countries had he not been to…that was a 1 hour response….

    Across the lake from Zurich in a vineyard my dad said “Stay here at the bar”.

    My brother and 14 an 15 were served shots of Dole wine while he and a friend went “upstairs”.

    We toured the four corners of the country. We even took a 20 mile down hill bike ride. We put the rented bikes on the train for the return trip.

    I used to kid ‘em about it as he would never say what was up there.

    Still, I have always been greatful to Dad for the inclusion in his travels and learned a lot from him.
    Even though he travels in the worlds beyond I still hear the words “Think before you speak” which I changed up for my stepkids…
    “Always ask yourself why is this person saying this to me and THINK before you speak”.

    • Ellen D

      Ah –

      “Always ask yourself why is this person saying this to me

      sounds very much like my family’s “Consider the source”.

  • r2d2

    Very wise man, but I disagree with:
    “My country, right or wrong!”

    Those who revolted against Britain and founded the U.S.A. were wiser. I’m glad they did not think like your father.

    • Ellen D

      But mine did – we’re Canadian. And look at all the difference it made ultimately.

  • Seattle Moss

    I can always remember my Dad telling me how much everyone hated Truman back when he was President.
    I always found it rather curious that my Dad had to keep telling me like he was having an epiphany that Truman was the greatest president of all time.

    I guess my Dad always felt a little guilty running with the herd and not seeing the forest for the trees.

    That’s why folks should never feel bad about changing their opinions as conditions warrant.

    Independent thinking…That’s what my Dad taught me!

    • oowawa

      Truman–The decision to drop the A-bombs on Hiroshima and Nagasaki–I’m in awe of those decisions. “The buck stops here,” indeed.

      I am haunted by having to put a beloved pet to sleep because of incurable cancer . . .

      • Seattle Moss

        I know what you mean!

        I find that being there and participating with the vet provides closure and holding your pet and comforting them sedated and tranquil at peace as we say goodbye is the best way to complete the memory.

        • oowawa

          Amen. Yes. That will be my advice to my children and grandchildren: if you ever have to put your pets to sleep, be there with them and comfort them. Otherwise, you may regret it later in your life.

  • Linda Anselmi

    A couple of my Dad’s truisms that are so deeply embedded they are part of my DNA -

    Never do anything half-assed, if your going to do something, do it right!

    Think for yourself.

  • Ellen D

    My father worked with giant transformers. When he was older he told me never to tell my mother that once he had to be taken to the hospital because one of his mates told him the power was off and he went by his word. Needless to say it wasn’t.

    His advice: Never ever trust other people. See for yourself.
    Oh yes, and never co-sign a loan for anyone not even family.

    He never told me the classic:

    Never play poker with a guy named “Doc”.
    Never eat at a place called “Mom’s”

    and my favorite advice to all young men:
    Never sleep with a woman who has more problems than you have.

    • oowawa

      1–Never play poker with a guy named “Doc”.
      2–Never eat at a place called “Mom’s”

      and my favorite advice to all young men:
      3–Never sleep with a woman who has more problems than you have.

      Ellen D, I love advice items 1&2, and I hadn’t heard them before.

      But as for item 3, that is a waste of time: to a young man, “more problems than you” is part of the attraction:

      Sloopy lives in a very bad part of town
      and everybody else, tries to put my sloopy down
      Sloopy I don’t care, what your daddy do
      Cuz you know sloopy, girl, I’m in love with you

      and so I say now

      Hang on sloopy, sloopy hang on
      Hang on sloopy, sloopy hang on

      • Ellen D

        Thanks oowawa.
        Gee – I never heard the verse and I always thought the chorus referred to Charlie Brown’s Snoopy.
        I think I’ll keep that mistaken idea. It gives me a better image in my head.

    • Baba Rum Raisin

      1. A drink with ice is ordered, “with ice,”
      never, “on the rocks.”

      2. If you’re going to smoke and/or drink, use The Good Stuff. Killing your liver with cheap rye and Camels is just tacky.

      3. Never drive on New Year’s Eve. Cabbies have to eat, too, and all the Amateur Drinkers will be at the wheel.

      4. Keep your car in good repair and waxed. You never know when the opportunity to Trade Up will appear.

      5. THE VERY DAY you get laid off or fired from a job, go buy a new car while you still have Credit. The Bank has more patience than your mechanic.

      6. Know how to use a butcher’s steel and do so regularly. A man who knows how to deftly carve a turkey or a ham can always find a place to go four times per year.

      7. There’s Her Place and there’s Hotels…there is no YOUR Place.

      8. If a woman needs Rescuing, refer her to the Coast Guard and move along.

      9. If a woman tells you that her children, “need a father,” ask her if they are products of immaculate conception. It’s not YOUR responsibility.

      10. Always carry on your person $200 in traveler’s checks and the telephone numbers for AAA, a bail bondsman and a lawyer.

      11. Most everyone you meet in a day will be a fool, a liar or someone who wants to scam you. Forewarned is forearmed.

      12. In Business, you have no friends, just acquaintances who haven’t figured out how to screw you yet.

      13. NEVER loan your Jumper Cables or gas can.

      I added, for my daughter:

      14. The FIRST two essential pieces of furniture for a single woman’s dwelling place are a Fire Extinguisher and a box of condoms.

  • http://deleted BuzzisbackLatte

    Some of my dad-isms: He has a ton but these are the ones that were repeated over and over. He’s 94 and still full of good advice.

    As soon as you learn there is always someone bigger, meaner, and smarter than you are, you’ll stay outta trouble!

    Grandma was slow, but she was old. (Every Saturday morning for this one.)

    Keep your thumb out when you make a fist so you don’t break it when you punch someone. Use your shoulder when you punch. ( And I’m a girl…)

    Most people don’t give a rat’s ass about you. They are too busy worrying about themselves.

    On your stomach and getting fat: It will stretch a mile before it tears an inch.

    Find something to remember each day.

    My feet smell and my nose runs. I must be built upside down.

    Worry is like a rocking chair. It gives you something to do, but it doesn’t get you anywhere.

    Keep your wheels under the car.

    Be your own best friend.

    And the ever famous: You’ll always be my little girl.

    • oowawa

      Oh God, Buzz–These are really classics. I’m going to copy them and cherish them forever! I seem to be one of the few left chattering on NQ this Father’s Day evening, and I’m about to check out.

      Thanks very much for these gems!

  • Isabelle

    Since I am my Grandmother’s daughter, she instilled something similar to that of Steve’s father’s final tidbit of advice. She always said throughout my life that “anything worth doing is worth doing well or NOT AT ALL”.Thank you to my Grandmother. She was from England and just full of these wonderful advisories that made effective/durable sense at applicable times in my evolutionary development/emotional travels throughout life.

  • http://www.madinthemiddle.blogspot.com churl

    I never knew my father; you are all blessed.

    • Ellen D

      Churl, for a lot of us, even though we knew them for different lengths of time, our fathers mostly live on in our imagination. Who knows how accurate that is?

      I hope the same works for you when you discover better qualities in yourself and think “Now where did that come from?”

  • Karma

    ‘Turn into a skid’….was a helpful bit of advice.

    Of course, the night he showed me, he was pulling brodies in my mom’s car. Trying to force a skid…lol

    ‘When adding water/coolant to the car, keep it running.’

    Now that I think of it most of his advice was tied to cars. But it has served me well over the years and at car dealerships. He thought it was important as a girl to not get taken advantage of at the shop. That knowledge has riled more auto shops than one would expect.