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Why We Won’t Get Bin Laden

By Larry Johnson on August 16, 2009 at 12:30 AM in Current Affairs

(This must-read head-scratcher has been bumped up from Thursday evening)

If we can’t kill hornets on a U.S. military base then we sure as hell can’t whack Osama bin Laden. What the hell am I writing about?

I spent part of this week on a U.S. military base that houses an elite Special Operations unit. Can’t tell you where because the particular unit is classified. In any event one of my co-workers, a legendary retired helicopter pilot, was standing outside the trailer where we were working and leaned up against a wood railing. Without warning a couple of hornets stung my friend in the ass. Nothing like watching a sixty year old retired Air Force officer with bad knees run for his life. The cloud of swarming hornets tried to catch him but the man, motivated by a surge of adrenalin, escaped.

Needless to say we had no volunteers willing to suck the poison out of his ass. He was left to his misery. Friendship is one thing but sucking an old man’s wrinkled ass is where I draw the line.

Which brings me to explaining why we can’t eliminate Bin Laden.

One of the guys who had been sitting inside the safety of the trailer during the hornet ambush came out, took measure of the situation and ran to a nearby admin building to find some major league bug killer. It is the stuff that you can shoot from 20 feet away that kills wasps and hornets on contact. When he asked for the spray he was questioned. “Have you been certified in the insect spray elimination course?”

At first he though the stern looking young man was just bullshitting. Nope. Serious as a heart attack. The guy with the bug spray was telling the would be Good Samaritan that he could not kill hornets that were attacking retired military officers unless he first passed a course demonstrating he knew how to use bug spray.

Fortunately, Pat (the dude who was trying to get the spray) was bigger than the guy who had the spray cans. Pat told him to fuck off, grabbed the cans and proceeded to conduct a hornet holocaust. He killed the little bastards and then destroyed the nest they had carefully constructed underneath the rail.

When a Special Ops military command that was initially set up to be able to respond to short fuze incidents without being shackled by bureaucracy and rigid organization is now tripping over procedure and demanding a certificate in order to do something as simple as killing a nest of hornets then it is a warning sign that we have lost our way.

If an institution like an elite special operations military unit can get so hung up on procedure and protocol and ignore good old common sense then don’t kid yourselves–this is big government in action. The same sort of myopia and rigid devotion to bureaucratic procedures will only be worse when civilians try to apply the same mindset to health care.

Meanwhile, Bin Laden is still alive and kicking.

  • Country First

    Astute analysis of why we haven’t gotten Bin Laden yet!

    God save our health care system.

    • Chicago Joe

      Amen to that.

  • jwrjr

    “… Certified in the insect spray elimination course”??? This does seem to be raising silly (or maybe pathetic) to an entirely new level.

    • oowawa

      The same sort of myopia and rigid devotion to bureaucratic procedures will only be worse when civilians try to apply the same mindset to health care.

      Very amusing and yet pointed story, Larry. We used to have a bureaucracy that hindered efficiency; now Barack Obama and the 40 Czars head a Kafkaesque “barackracy” that will keep government bogged down in futility and misdirected energy for the foreseeable future. We’re all gonna get stung repeatedly, and there isn’t much we can do about it. I, for one, can’t run that fast anymore.

  • Patrick Henry

    Yeh…Bin Laden..That Old Marxist Fox..No Placeto hide indeed..

    Well..I was once told by a superior that I couldn’t carry an M1 Carbine to defend myslef on patrol because the administration didn’t want the Public to think we were Gun happy ..

    So…I wrote a tribute to one of my Buddys who got shot and killed on patrol later on..His gun was still in his Holster..

    So…Kill the Bee’s and let God sort em Out..

  • Mandelay

    Larry, I’ve been waiting all week for this gem you’ve written and it was worth the wait!

    So, if I understand this, our President can serve without showing his credentials to prove he’s met the qualifications to serve in office, but our soldiers can’t save their asses with bug spray unless they can prove they have the bug spraying diploma? I hear the sound of a very tall Saudi guy (on dialysis yet) slapping his thigh and laughing … or is he just swatting a mosquito? And how many forms will be filled out before a single flu shot is fired?

    BTW, if you get the Federal Times, take a look at the most recent (August 10) issue and read the “letter to the editor” on page 22 (lower right of the page in the printed version with a small header “Afraid to speak up?”) and then read the “Editor’s note” following this single letter they’ve printed. Looks like they’re takin’ names everywhere.

    • imustprotest

      Good point about Bin Forgotten swatting a mosquito….you know Obama killed a fly on national TV, did he have the proper credentials and clearance for that??

    • tzada

      It appears not many papers on the flu shots.

      PARIS — Oxford Hills Comprehensive High School will be the site of a National Guard riot control drill Thursday morning to prepare in the event of a panic over distribution of serum to treat the swine flu.
      The school on Route 26 at the Paris-Norway town line has been designated by state officials as a distribution site for the H1N1 flu vaccine. The drill is to prepare for a worst-case scenario should the serum have to be transported from Augusta and people rush to get it.

      http://www.sunjournal.com/node/105339/

      Massachusetts health authorities took the unprecedented step yesterday of deputizing dentists, paramedics, and pharmacists to help administer vaccines against both the seasonal flu and the novel swine strain expected to make a return visit in the fall.

      http://www.boston.com/news/health/articles/2009/08/13/state_asks_volunteers_to_aid_flu_vaccinations/?s_campaign=8315

      There is something “fishy” about this whole flu thing. Research for yourselves. Do the terms interment and relocation sound ominous? Do they have anything to do with this? Was this flu made in a lab? I don’t know any of the answers, but we do live in interesting times.

      Great article Larry.

  • Diana L. C.

    So, now I’m curious. How do you develop a curriculum about using a can of bug spray? I need to know since, while I don’t spray bugs, I am now afraid that my method of spraying my arms and legs with bug repellent when I take my dogs out to the dog park is inadequate or dangerous.

    Unbelievable!

  • Seattle Moss

    What about the theory that Osama is dead.

    The guy is 6’6″
    The guy needs kidney dialysis.
    The guy told his followers that he would be dead within two years back in 02.
    The video of him in 04 looked like a different person.

    If he is alive why wouldn’t he have escaped the region and be living in luxury in a shieks basement.

    • donjo

      If they want to find Osama, look on the Riviera or Switzerland; there’s plenty of dialysis machines there.

    • inconsiderable wretch

      Seattle Moss: Competent investigators have looked into this issue and conclude that Bin Laden has been dead for years. Some have suggested that Bhutto’s frank admission of this fact was one reason for her assassination.

  • I’m a Linda too

    Osama Bin On Vacation.

    Good post. Hope your friend is ok.

  • TexasMirth

    Amusing story. The absurdity of an insect killing course being required to spray bug spray would make Joseph Heller (author of CATCH-22) smile. This account drives home the reason we don’t want bureaucrats wedged between us and our physicians.

    • Chicago Joe

      I have been perusing the bills on the web. As a person in health care, what I see in these bills is the creation of bureaucracy taken to the nth degree. reports for this, committees for that, standards, best practices, etc., so on and so forth.

      That all requires manpower. And none of it is available for taking care of patients, but is in service of the government-mandated bureaucracy.

      Please, people, let your voices be heard. The reforms we need in health care are not what is contained in these bills.

      • Ferd Berfle

        I have already written my representative and Senators concerning this power grab. I have yet to hear back from them, however. The silence is deafening

  • IndieDogg

    Reminds me of the story (can’t remember the source — maybe somebody out there will recall from whence this came) of the soldier who bragged about how much he’d learned in the service.

    As he explained it, “When I got here, I couldn’t fire an M1; now I can’t fire a howitzer.”

  • Retired

    Pat needs to be fired, have his security clearance lifted, and put out to pasture for violating regulations. Perhaps under Obamacare, this will happen. Another reason to pass HR 3200 as soon as possible.

  • Tricia Spiegel

    Funny story–with a frighteningly serious message.

  • helenk

    The Peter Principle is alive and well.
    People promoted to their own level of incompetence.

    WOMEN WITH INTELLIGENCE AND EXPERIENCE,MEN WHO SUPPORT THEM AND COUNTRY BEFORE PARTY ALWAYS

    PUMAS,BUBBAS,EQUALISTS AND THOSE PEOPLE RULE

  • TeakWoodKite
  • Ani

    Yer killin’ me, Larry!

    Thanks for the post. Always wanted to say that. By the way, I fear you are right.

  • European

    Osama Bin Laden? Really? Still?

    Americans should wake the hell up and see that they are not going to gain anything by fighting in muslim countries. I have not heard a single muslim support your troops. Instead, even the “moderates” are using the victim card and telling stories about evil America destroying their homes. Besides, don’t you see what a foolish argument “bringing democracy to [add a muslim country here]” is? They don’t want democracy, they want sharia. That’s why sharia is already implemented in western European countries and some US states. Islam and democracy are opposite beliefs.

    Meanwhile, the US is taking in thousands of muslims from hostile countries (God knows where the logic is here..)every single year and already houses millions of them. Hun, it’s homegrown tettorism you should be afraid of. Not some figure head in a cave.

  • tzada

    What can we expect from a country who elected a president, who said after 9/11. “should an ill wind blow, I will stand with the Muslims?” The same man who had a 12 second ad in Texas about the Federal government, breaking into Muslims house in the middle of the night and rounding them up?

    Is anyone aware of the “memorial” of Flight 93 Pa?

    Just to make sure people get it, Paul Murdoch has placed a huge glass block at the spot where this circle-breaking, crescent-creating feat takes place. It is the 44th translucent block emplaced along the flight path (matching the number of passengers, crew, AND terrorists) and is inscribed: “a field of honor forever.”

    http://www.rightontheright.com/taxonomy/term/247?page=1

    http://www.crescentofbetrayal.com/proof.htm

  • Tammy

    What a brilliant post.
    It should bring the point home to all of us that more government is more bureaucracy and less efficiency.

    And more people dead because of it, whether it be special ops, or average folks visiting the doctor’s office.

    And how are the special ops guys doing with that Miranda rights thing over in Afghanistan, Larry?
    I’m guessing they’re just killing the terrorists rather than capturing them to avoid all of the red tape.
    Not that it bothers me one bit.

  • Texas Playwright

    Larry, Larry, Larry,

    What would we do without your common sense??? I laughed at the sheer idiocy of your bug spray story–who would think this is exactly what our beloved USA has come to in the 21st Century?

    Speak up, We the People–on anything and everything that concerns you, worries you, frightens you about the methods politicians, media, corporations, individuals are using to trash our Constitution, our Bill of Rights and our citizens. Like our Hillary the Fighter, Keep Going!

    BTW, NO ONE will force me to buy health insurance–ever.

  • oowawa

    comment lost in spam filter–please rescue–thanks.

  • http://ontheseventhday.wordpress.com/ Al

    Excellent post highlighting just how ineffective big government can be. Two thumbs up!

  • r2d2

    Larry, I think you’re wrong. It sounds like that insect killer is so powerful that it can be a chemical weapon. If you see it that way, you would not approve of handing the insect killer to anyone who requests it.

    • John

      kill em all , let god sort em out

      • Tammy

        The bees or the Taliban? LOL.

    • Ferd Berfle

      That is far from true. We’re talking here about 10ths-of-one-percent active ingredient concentrations. It is the surfactant that causes the active ingredient to adhere to the bugs and their nests that does the trick. It doesn’t take much to kill when the stuff is stuck to every square-centimeter of the bug.

  • Barry 0351

    Hornets eat flies.

  • http://opitslinkfest.blogspot.com/ opit

    Too funny. I like anecdotes. The thing about the Bu$hocracy was interesting. Think about it. What better way to wreck government than to put a bunch of know-nothings in charge who are programmed with religious bumpf, and spoiled brats of privilege.
    Not that this is new, mind…just a more extreme flavour.
    And just to illustrate that I do follow up on the noise about vaccination campaigns that don’t meet the ‘smell’ test…it’s billed as a recap of a deal 20 oddyears ago that was a scam for the benfit of Big Pharma.
    Except this time the noise is Baxter – a developer – messed up in that an alert lab rat caught on to the ‘vaccine’ being contaminated…with H1N1.
    Blessed if Google will give me a decent search of my sites! Lucky one item was recent – and I was hunting it down anyway
    http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-1200004/Did-MI5-kill-Dr-David-Kelly-Another-crazy-conspiracy-theory-amid-claims-wrote-tell-book-vanished-death.html

    You know what’s worse? This looks to be small potatoes. If you can spare 1 hr 33 min there’s a free video on YouTube called Home. It’s the leader of a post I made on health
    http://opitslinkfest.blogspot.com/2009/08/environment-sickening-practices.html
    If it doesn’t get your attention, try to 2 previous. Things are insane.

  • http://opitslinkfest.blogspot.com/ opit

    Kindly excuse Olde Phartte In Training his forgettery. It just kicked in after I posted the other
    http://oldephartte.livejournal.com/3317.html

  • http://www.statsdaemon.com/ Zoran

    Hi, Amazing! Not clear for me, how offen you updating your http://www.noquarterusa.net.
    Zoran

  • NYC Girl

    Needless to say we had no volunteers willing to suck the poison out of his ass. He was left to his misery. Friendship is one thing but sucking an old man’s wrinkled ass is where I draw the line.

    Larry, this part of your post really disappointed me! :-( I mean, what are friends for, if not to suck their wrinkled asses?

    Apart from that, great post! :-)

  • HC123

    Whenever I think of us crawling around caves and rocks looking for Osama, I am reminded of that somewhat cheesy movie The Devils Own, with Brad Pitt. Pitt does a passable Irish accent, and is pretty easy on the eyes. Maybe thats why I remember.

    Anyway, Pitt shows up to buy some guns for Irish terrorism purposes and the seller gets sassy. Pitt replies with something like; “You only see me standing between you and your money. You’re forgetting about the thousand men standing behind me. That’s a mistake.”

    There are more than a thousand standing behind Osama, and they are well funded. If we can’t even bring bug spray to a gunfight, we lose.

  • Cindy

    Thanks, larry.
    So, what Mencken said is true:
    “Injustice is relatively easy to bear; what STINGS is justice”

  • kbdabear

    Interesting story from The Guardian from a reporter who interviewed the Taliban commander

    http://www.guardian.co.uk/world/2009/aug/15/fighting-taliban-in-afghanistan-war

  • Doc99

    Perhaps we won’t get Bin Laden because … he’s dead.

  • TeakWoodKite

    This for you Mr. Johnson that you provide a course in being certified in the use of bug spray.

    Since my granddaughter of 10 months, was potentially a target of the menacing wasps on her way to the dough boy out back, I went and got 1 of the 4 cans I have in my arsenal, hoping that down the road I would not have to explain to her why we never got OBL.

    RAID

    For best results spray in early morning or early evening when insect activity is minimal.Stand safe distance from nest and not directly underneath. Point spray opening toward nest with wind at your back. Spray until nest is throughly saturated to kill entire population. Residual action will kill wasps and hornets which return to nest. Wait st least 24 hours before removing the nest.

    Then you give the standard disclaimer to not act like an idiot handling nerve agents…

    If it is one skill I know these Spec-ops personnel have acquired is to shoot straight.

    I think they passed the bug spray certification at boot camp.

  • Vince P

    I’m a big believer in not letting your enemy use your own values against you.

    Since we do want the creep dead and we’re disappointed that he has not be verified to be dead… and yet there’s no way we can waltz through Iran or Pakistan to look for him.. and since they’re obscuring the fact of his living or deadness… then

    I’m not going to lament that he’s not dead.

    I’m not going to demoralize my side by harping on this unknowable fact.

    He could be dead or he could not be. They’re using this as information warfare against us.

    I choose to not give them that as a weapon.

    Sure, look for him.. but dont let them think this is something they could leverage to their advantage.