Obama Blinks; Health Care Reform “Just A Suggestion”
By Steve_in_KC on August 18, 2009 at 10:21 PM in Current Affairs
OK, so I’m putting words in his mouth, but if the shoe fits, let him sleep in it!
Turns out our big bad POTUS can’t take the heat, so he’s leaving the kitchen, probably sneaking down to the basement to help his mother-in-law put a hex on his political enemies. Unconfirmed reports by undead sources indicate he was seen trying to conceal a live chicken and a crude doll resembling Rush Limbaugh under his jacket as he slipped into a candle-lit room reeking of burning goat hair and sulfur.
After weeks of tense debates and public outcry about his universal health care plans, or health insurance reform, or whatever newspeak phrases he tries on for size to describe his flaccid attempts to re-invent the American health care nightmare, he seems to have lost his will to bleed for it.
Those mean ol’ Republicans and Blue Dog Democrats (and Independents and a sizable number of plain ol’ sensible American voters) have pulled the rug out from under His Grandiosity. Now, instead of a single-payer, government-run health care system like he promised his starry-eyed worshippers, he starts leaking through his underlings (as well as his unicorn-covered bikini briefs) that maybe we should just start a few health insurance co-ops. You know, like the hippies used to do with organic food markets and used clothing stores!
That’ll teach those greedy insurance maggots! You don’t mess with the O-Man! He’ll turn the Ecstasy crowd against ya! They may even stop buying alien abduction insurance, just for spite!
You see, it turns out that this whole National Health Insurance initiative was just a trial balloon, but it popped when the gas expanded (insert Congressional simile here).
It’s not that people don’t want free health care, they just don’t want to pay for it. Not with tax hikes, not with a Chinese credit card, and certainly not with another Great Depression.
If we have free medical care, then what happens to all the people who make their livings in the medical and insurance fields? We just put them out of work along with the rest of us? Hell, it seems the only jobs available right now are for hospital orderlies and nurses aides! Who’s going to empty those bedpans?
Seriously, though, are we going to put all these people on the government payroll to take care of us? Don’t we have enough waste in government already? Do we really want our taxes paying for doctors to tool around the suburbs in their Priuses and hydrogen-powered moon buggies?
Those damn doctors just want too much from us. They expect to make a bundle just because they spent 12 years in college? Are they nuts? Or just greedy? Who needs them and their fancy degrees anyway?
We don’t need our taxes paying for rhinoplasties and liposuctions! Screw that! Why pay through the nose when we can just suck it up and do it ourselves at home with our Ginsu knives and Orecks?
But I digress, as usual.
Speaking for myself, since nobody else will, I’d love to have free medical care, at least for the basics. Preventive care, life-threatening trauma and diseases, organ transplants, and wart removal are all high on my list of must-haves. I don’t really care so much about the acupuncture and lobotomy stuff; leave that for the more exotic insurance policies.
Most of us just don’t trust the gummint to make our medical decisions for us. And if we have to pay for it with our taxes, we REALLY don’t trust them to make medical decisions for others! I mean, if I’m relatively healthy and don’t need a doctor more than once or twice a year, why should I have to pay for some non-contributing unemployed person to have an appendectomy? [Author's note - see above paragraph about liposuction.]
And why should I pay taxes from my hard-earned money for illegal aliens? They snuck into this country illegally, so let them sneak back out if they get sick! And I sure as hell don’t want my taxes paying for them to have their babies on American soil! Then those babies would be natural-born Americans! One of them could end up being President, and they don’t even speak English! That’s just nuts!
What I really want from a national health care plan is something for my ADD. Is that how you spell it?
Anyway, so Bobama now seems to realize that maybe he was shooting a little high for his first six months in office. Trying to fix the American economy, retool the health care and insurance industries, and trying to find a reputable church that will accept his crazy mother-in-law, might just be asking a little too much from American voters. After all, they already gave him most of their money to assure his election, gave him the power to command our armed forces, and even shrugged off his secret past as a Muslim terrorist.
Maybe he was pushing it a bit. Maybe he should just settle for coming up with a plan for creating jobs. Then maybe we could afford to go to the doctor again!






















