Barack Obama explains today at the Huffington Post why he is now for FISA exceptions after he was against them. Too bad the U.S. Olympics gymnastic team is already set–they could use a man with this kind of flexibility. I have a spy inside the Barack team. It is time for me to come clean. Now that Barack is talking and acting more like a Republican I figured it was time for me to acknowledge that he is a changed man. I have decided to support Barack for President. What changed my mind?
I got a sneek peak at an upcoming piece that he will post of Huffington Post. He lays bare his soul and has convinced me that he is, truly, the One for America. Here is the piece:
We can eliminate hunger in America. Say it with me, “YES WE CAN.” In fact, the solution lies within. Literally. It is time for us to recognize and appreciate the nutritive benefits of fecal material. Since I am from the hood, I believe it is important to communicate clearly what I mean. Therefore, let me be succinct. Eat Shit. You, my people, just don’t understand. Shit actually tastes good. I realize it may not have an appetizing appearance or an enticing aroma, but gosh dang it, it is nourishing. You know what they say–the best things in life are done twice. And since shit is nothing more than recycled food then we must seize the moment and use this unappreciated resource to end hunger once and for all. In fact, I know that when you eat shit you lose your appetite. Your hunger disappears.
Eating shit also has remarkable effects on mental acuity. It was while I was feasting on a steaming pile of my own recycled waste that I came to realize that the things I had said during the primary on key policies and old friends were in error. I have eaten shit and have seen the light. So, forget what I said about FISA, NAFTA, Iraq, Jeremiah Wright, abortion, taxes. I said that before I was full of shit. But now that I am filled and my hunger sated, I know what I believe. Please follow me to the truth. If you will simply believe me then you too can be full of shit.
So you see? A man who writes shit like this ought to be President. Right?