Attention: Now Auditioning Obama Surrogates and VP Contestants
By Anita Finlay ("Ani") on July 11, 2008 at 4:00 PM in Barack Obama, Current Affairs, David Axelrod, Obama's Thugs
Wanted: Surrogates to ably represent Senator Obama in all news media.
Qualifications:
1. Ability to parrot the same three talking points ad nauseum while pretending to say something new, deep and valuable. Yes we can!
Senator Obama:
a. Is a great communicator
b. Has good judgment
c. Brings people together
2. Position features no pay for your trouble. Necessitates barking like an attack dog to rip Senator McCain a new one, all the while pretending it has nothing to do with the newbie Senator from Illinois, who, as you know stands nobly above the fray at all times.
3. Ability to think fast on your feet is a must. Since the Senator has no real qualifications for the job of President and a sketchy, brief Senate record at best, be prepared to improvise.
Sample talking points:
a. I can’t point to anything specific, I dunno, there’s just something special about the guy. (ref. Gov. Richardson)
b. He’s so fresh. (ref. Speaker Nancy Pelosi)
c. His inexperience is actually a plus. (again, that Pelosi lady – wow, she’s good!)
d. He’s clean. He’s got the whole package. (ref. Senators Biden and Reid)
4. Surrogate must be ready, willing and able to be thrown under the bus at the first sign of trouble for the campaign. Must supply your own protective gear.
Warning:
a. May necessitate you being left hanging out to dry with your drawers down around your knees, flapping in the breeze on national TV.
b. The Senator will disavow all knowledge of your actions and insult you publicly.
c. Your character and credibility may be besmirched permanently as a result of your risky behavior pertaining to the campaign.
A personal note to you from the Senator who shall not be named:
This attractive job offer is a once in a lifetime opportunity. Rejecting this offer may label you ‘racist’. You will be ostracized once my billion dollar war chest buys me the Presidency and you are on my sh*t list.
Since we are now on board with President Bush’s faith based initiatives (Ssshh, don’t mention Bush’s name when you talk about this stuff), we’ve got some neat new Hopey/Changey concepts for you to add to your daily mantra.
Chant these to yourself before all public appearances:
I hope voters don’t see that all my stuff about change is a bunch of b.s. Ommmm.
I hope the Super Delegates don’t change their minds by the Convention. Ommmm.
I hope Rezko doesn’t change his mind about protecting my identity for a shorter sentence. Ommmm. Ommmm. Ommmm. Ommmm. Ommmm. Ommmm. Ommmm. Ommmm. (This is a big one)
I hope the media keeps pretending they don’t notice me change my positions on all my campaign promises. Ommmm.
See how easy this is?
Hop aboard the hope/change train now!
I’ll need your answer by close of business today or we’ll run you out of office when you’re up for re-election.
Obama for President: Risk you can believe in.






















