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What I Now Love About “The Holidays” Thanks to the CrObonomy!

By Silence Dogood on November 27, 2009 at 7:30 PM in Current Affairs

Introduction

Now that we are beginning the season of good tidings and cheer, with nary a penny in pocket oh dear, I thought I would share various musings of drear…

I’ve come up with a new sniglet, an amalgam of: crummy/crappy Obama lobotomized economy: CrObonomy.

Remember, you read about the CrObonomy here first! :D

As Harry S. Truman so plainly and profoundly stated, “The buck stops here!” — therefor Obama is responsible for the CrObonomy and lack of jobs. As our alleged leader, Obama is supposed to shoulder the burden of the present circumstances.

However, an evil mad scientist attempted to manufacture a leader out of thin air. I’m sorry to report that Dr. Frankenstein’s monster experiment in affirmative action ain’t workin’ out as planned…

What we are witnessing is major blame shifting as a comical and transparent diversion from Obama’s responsibilities as president. The blame game just doesn’t cut the proverbial mustard.

Obama arguably bullied and cheated his way into authority: Now he has to live with the responsibility and own up. Playing the juvenile blame card only makes him look ineffective, weak and inept.

Obama’s responsibility to shoulder the burden of the CrObonomy — The ever growing list of choice meaty blame targets:

  • “My [expletive deleted] stimulus just needs more time!” (Inconvenient fact notwithstanding: the assurance the 3/4 trillion dollar stimulus boondoggle he signed into law February 17, 2009 would cap unemployment below 8 points.)
  • Bush II and the Republicans. (Inconvenient fact notwithstanding: the Democrats took over the House and Senate in the ’06 midterm election.)
  • Secretary of State Hillary Rodham Clinton stealing the show with her diplomatic brilliance.
  • Fox News’ bias. (Inconvenient fact notwithstanding: MSNBC’s, CNN’s and the entire rogue’s gallery of MSM’s equally troubling bias.)
  • Painful nicotine withdrawal symptoms.
  • Rush Limbaugh and his ditto heads.
  • “Oh they hate poor me! What’s their [expletive deleted] problem? I am just so pretty and thought I fooled people with my sexy deep voice and flowery oratorical empty suit diarrhea!”
  • Washington gridlock. (Inconvenient fact notwithstanding: he and his party control two out of three branches of government! Duh!)
  • A Martian invasion. (Prepare to darn your tinfoil hats!)
  • Supermarket tabloid covers alleging he has a gay lover or he is really 1/2 authentic French poodle from the Languedoc, South of France.
  • Mickey Mouse.
  • Michelle nagging that she really wanted 80 Indians to make her party gown and not the 40 her hubby was able to deliver. (Imelda Marcos, of obscene shoe collection infamy would be proud!)
  • “I’m just too busy playing [expletive deleted] golf and doing bong hits in the Oval Office with George Clooney, Oprah Winfrey, Tom Hanks and Denzel Washington!”
  • And last but not least, the piece de la resistance: The freedom loving dissenters of the dreaded NO QUARTER blog, often maligned by the rObotically challenged as “haters,” “racists,” “dead-enders,” “bitter old hags,” “birthers,” “echochamberists,” “sourgrapeists” and “moaners.”

Well, there you have it. Except I should report we now know why Obama has really been indecisive about Afghanistan since August 2009:

  • “My indecision on Afghanistan up until now is not my [expletive deleted] fault! My astrologer was booked solid up until [expletive deleted] recently! I just couldn’t get a [expletive deleted] appointment!”

Where should the blame really be placed?

Obama doesn’t have the stones, gravitas and required skill-set demanded by the office: he is just not cut out to be a real leader. He never should have run for the office without the requisite experience, demonstrated history of sound judgment and moral center.

The Democratic Party insiders should have never rigged the process and looked the other way when election fraud was being perpetrated. The race, sexism/misogyny, ageism, homophobia and classism/elitism cards should never have been played. Race riots should have never been threatened to bully and intimidate. The fourth estate should have done its fucking job and vetted him.

This is not crying over just a little spilled milk. This is a dairy farm’s worth!

“Let the festivities begin!” says this rapscallion with a cheese-eating grin!

What I Now Love About “The Holidays” Thanks to the CrObonomy!

Here are some specific categories that benefit from the CrObonomy:

  1. Public Safety
  2. Health Care Reform
  3. Global Climate Change and Environmental
  4. Jobs and Unemployment
  5. Personal Comfort

Please note: certain benefits can be part of multiple categories.

Public Safety

Thanks to the CrObonomy… Fewer shoppers: More lives will be saved with fewer crazed dumbasses shopping at the mega-mall frantically driving around killing each other for that last parking spot on all of god’s Earth.

Thanks to the CrObonomy… Stretched family budgets: Fewer purchases and displays of “Jesus in the manger,” therefor less calls to the police from distressed citizens exclaiming “Who stole the baby Jesus!?!” = less need for the local constabulary to rescue any kidnapped plastic baby Jesus dolls.

Health Care Reform

Thanks to the CrObonomy… Fewer shoppers: Fewer people will suffer noise exposure at the mega-mall from incessant Xmas music, known to be positively linked to causing brain cancer = health care savings.

Thanks to the CrObonomy… Lower prescription drug costs: Less need for Xanax (alprazolam) and other tranquilizers due to less money for gifts and less anxiety about which gifts to buy.

Thanks to the CrObonomy… Lower expenditures on over-the-counter drugs: Fewer holiday parties = less alcohol consumption, fewer hangovers = less use of analgesics.

Thanks to the CrObonomy… Businesses trimming the bottom line: Fewer office parties = fewer unwanted pregnancies = health care savings.

Global Climate Change and Environmental

Thanks to the CrObonomy… Sales of fruitcakes will be down: Lower greenhouse gas emissions from fewer refrigerated fruitcakes that are never eaten.

Thanks to the CrObonomy… Reduction in sight pollution: fewer sales and therefor less gaudy displays of giant blow-up Santas and snowmen.

Thanks to the CrObonomy… Budget cuts on talk radio: Less advertising revenue = cancellation of some radio programs = decreased methane emissions from whiny opinionated gasbag talk-show hosts.

Jobs and Unemployment

Thanks to the CrObonomy… Lower unemployment, due to many companies canceling their annual holiday shindig = fewer people being fired for being drunk, swinging from chandeliers, and acting like fools at said office parties.

Thanks to the CrObonomy… No need to worry about having to take a job at Walmart: not even Walmart is hiring!

Personal Comfort

Thanks to the CrObonomy… Less travel: Less income for traveling during the holidays = fewer families traveling and having to deal with the anxiety of family gatherings, knocking yourself upside the head why you forgot again to buy a gas mask due to Aunt Millie’s infamous gaseous anomaly attacks at holiday dinner and lastly, fewer trichinosis scares from potentially undercooked ham/pork at that relative’s home with the god-awful cook.

Thanks to the CrObonomy… Less money to spend: Fewer people lined up for the latest craze in toys (the latest incarnation of the Cabbage Patch or Turbo-man doll).

Thanks to the CrObonomy… Less money to spend: Shorter lines to see Santa at the mall, fewer screaming kids = fewer headaches and less H1N1 and plague germs being spread all over creation.

Thanks to the CrObonomy… Fewer packages mailed: Smaller lines at the post office = less odds of getting stuck behind the asshole with umpteen gazillion passport applications, or the elderly customer who is shooting the breeze with the postal clerk for over a fucking hour kvetching about their bloody hemorrhoids…

Have a safe and happy holiday season!

Try not to let the CrObonomy get you down too much, it is kinda funny in a tragic way… ;)

Silence Dogood
November 27, 2009

© Copyright 2009, Silence Dogood, All Rights Reserved. Used with permission of the author.

  • SuperGalt

    I’ve revised the article and am finishing up the revision. No major changes, but some more humor and such. :) Enjoy!

    Oh, and I’ve had a name change operation. That’s coming too.

  • Cindy

    Yes, Barack is leaving his CrObon footprints all over this economy. ( or should I say, “eek!no money!”)
    Thanks for the chuckles, SuperGalt!

  • Silence Dogood

    You’re welcome! I hope you like my new moniker. :D

    Silence Dogood

  • Silence Dogood

    Revision is up, name change operation successful. ;)

    Silence Dogood

  • TeakWoodKite

    Silence Dogood, due to an increase in CroBoscopy Costs, a thorough examination will not be possible.

    My son just brought up healthcare and was informed that the House bill will fine you if you choose not to have any.

    The Sanehalf says the “it’s not a bill yet, it has to get to conference”, (ok I think, it passed the House BILL with this provision.)

    So in honor of your spiffy shiny new moniker, I report the following for inspection.

    My son, “What!? I will get fined?, that’s stupid, I want to only pay 50 dollars and still not wait for a doctor!”. If I don’t want to pay I do not want to” (he’s a mid tween)

    Not sure why people think it is not a bill until “it gets to the”… (look back at the previous terrain following topology in the nav computer), you’ll see, it started with 5 bills no yes 3, no yes 2 oops. now it has to get to conference before it is a bill. No the POTUS has to sign it be fore it is… ooops, no where to pass the buck any more Shite, I hate it when that happens.
    So we have a “YESNO-CrObonomics” category. Illustrated by being of two minds. And two bucks to pass.

  • Silence Dogood

    So in honor of your spiffy shiny new moniker, I report the following for inspection.

    The honor is all mine.

    I never quite could figure out why people say “The honor is all mine” when someone else honors them to begin with.

    Just one of those things, I guess.

    BTW, I googled CrObonomy last night and got zero search results. I hope the term spreads exponentially! :D

    Silence Dogood

  • TeakWoodKite

    Silence Dogood, (game show voice) “It’ssss Time fooooor “Google Me This”, where search terms are worth more with every spin of the wheel and everyone is a winner.
    If you land on BING you loose a turn
    Still, it is comforting to encounter the edge of known universe and live to tell. :)

  • http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oTmLKUT817Y Eldear Jhane

    You may be a retard.

  • http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oTmLKUT817Y Eldear Jhane

    This is truly a horrible post. What happened to the editors?

  • http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oTmLKUT817Y Eldear Jhane

    Please silence Silence Dogood. This post is a complete mindless mess.

  • Silence Dogood

    I take it you are not a BING fan?

  • lorac

    I hope the Triskelion Name Police aren’t on their way here to take you away! I guess it’s quite a few light years from here, though, so maybe you’re safe for awhile yet!

    Are you still “super”…..?

    It feels like the superhero just left his clothing-change in the phone booth, and is now walking down a long road, being swallowed up in the throngs of everyday pedestrians, never to be heard from again!

    From Super to Silent — it feels kind of anti-climactic! Unless – maybe “Silent” is your “Bruce Wayne” side – ahhhhhhhhh – maybe there is once more hope for Super saving the day! lol

  • Silence Dogood

    I’m mellowing out a smidgen is all. :D

  • lorac

    Ooops I think I combined Batman and Superman – Superman changed in the phone booth, flew, and was alternately Clark Kent, but Batman drove the car and had alter ego Bruce Wayne…?

    Ya gotta forgive me, it’s been a few years lol

  • lorac

    It’s fun, black Friday.

  • TeakWoodKite

    “I am of two web engines” on that. I will use what ever tool I can get my hands on, to get as many different algorithmically bias responses as I can.

    I am not a fan of Google since I googled “Lincoln train ride” and got nothing but “obama….
    Lincoln was not mentioned directly until the 11th page.

  • Silence Dogood

    You are correct: Superman/phone booth/disguised as mild-mannered newspaper reporter Clark Kent and Batman/car/alter ego playboy millionaire Bruce Wayne. :)

  • lorac

    OT – a Maxine comic emailed to me

    Senior Health Care Solution:

    So you’re a senior citizen and the government says no health care for you, what do you do?

    Our plan gives anyone 65 years or older a gun and 4 bullets. Your are allowed to shoot 2 senators and 2 representatives. Of course, this means you will be sent to prison.

    There you will get 3 meals a day, a roof over your head, and all the health care you need! New teeth, no problem. Need glasses, great. New hip, knees, kidney, lungs, heart? All covered.

    And who will be paying for all of this? The same government that just told you that you are too old for health care. Plus, because you are a prisoner, you don’t have to pay any income taxes anymore.

    IS THIS A GREAT COUNTRY OR WHAT?!

  • NomNomNom

    h#ll, give them 8 bullets.

  • jwrjr

    Sign on Obama’s desk: “The Buck Stops at George Bush’s Desk”.

  • Cindy

    That is funny!

  • Cindy

    Love it.

  • Silence Dogood

    I am not a fan of Google since I googled “Lincoln train ride” and got nothing but “obama….
    Lincoln was not mentioned directly until the 11th page.

    This train wreck is what happens when a search engine ranks on popularity and not on substance.

  • Silence Dogood

    Paging the admin / comment rescue squad! :D

    Spam monster ate #comment-1281028

    Maybe god is trying to tell me something? ;)

  • jwrjr

    It would be more funny if it were less true.

  • Silence Dogood

    I get your point but would like to add: I think humor and sarcasm helps with venting our angst and is also a powerful tool to make our points, many times more effectively than writing factually. I suspect that’s why I use it so much.

  • Silence Dogood

    You might be on to something, since I put myself out there and you showed up. :P

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