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The Ethics of Re-Gifting

By Pat Racimora on December 13, 2009 at 11:45 PM in Current Affairs

WEBRRegifttoon_edited-2

Giving gifts that were bestowed upon them by others has been described as disrespectful, unappreciative, cheap, and blatantly tacky.

But are these fair characterizations, especially given today’s harsh realities?

Many people received nice things they do not use that others might enjoy. Such items sit in the garage or the back of a drawer for years and may eventually be tossed out. Many of these same folks are having trouble making ends meet. So, for both economic and environmental reasons, thoughtful re-gifting can make a lot of sense. This is not suitable for every giver or receiver, of course. So a couple of suggestions to keep in mind:

1. Keep track of re-gifts and bestow them on people who will be unlikely to find out what you have done OR “ come clean” to one or both parties. The latter can work if done with great sensitivity and if you know your giver’s and receiver’s emotional makeup. I told my mom that as much as I appreciated her thouhgtfulness, would she be OK if I gave a sweater that did not fit me (and could not be easily returned) to my best friend who would love it. I told another friend that I had been given a second corn popper and because she had mentioned wanting one I would give her the duplicate for her birthday. Both seemed just fine with my openness.

2. Resist re-gifting if the giver is very sensitive and/or visits often and wants to see where you put it. (I bet we all have something sitting out for that reason!)

Funny things can happen though. I once gave away a fancy candle that had been given to me by a friend, only to receive it back as a gift 2 years later. I found this amusing and decided to keep it. In fact I resist burning it because of its unique meanderings. Kind of a conversation piece.

And you never know—you may receive something that a re-giver HATES and thinks is ugly incarnate, but that you will absolutely LOVE. Here’s a perfect example of a regift I received that is hanging proudly in my study.

NQ-plaque

Finally, when buying new gifts, consider going through No Quarter advertising portals. Such purchases are greatly appreciated by No Quarter staff (an expensive blog to maintain even though we are all volunteers). Another great way to give.

  • NomNomNom

    Where can I re-gift BHO?

    • ~~JustMe~~

      just gift to a obot who will love sharing him around! A free for all.

    • http://www.sonicninjakitty.wordpress.com Sonic Ninja Kitty

      We should be able to return defective merchandise.

  • jiminycricket

    When my husband and I became engaged, we received a carpet sweeper as a gift from several of his cousins that had rug debris inside of it already. It would be a good idea to check out the items before re-gifting. *wink*
    ….and wouldn’t it be something if, in this process, you eventually received back, what you had sent on to someone else? That would be the final irony, I think. *giggle*

    In the end, I do believe, however, that in this economy one may need to “pull out all the stops” and re-gifting might help.

    Great toon, Pat….and creative subject.

  • Tricia

    My women’s group has a party every holiday time where we bring a gift to share that MUST be something we already have, don’t need/want any more, but think others might enjoy. It works very well and is gentle on the pocketbook.

  • Peggy Sue

    You know, I have never regifted. Not once.

    However, I do have a drawer-full of inappropriate, ugly or downright cheapie things that people have given me. And some I have turned over to Purple Heart or other charitable organizations. Who knows? Maybe someone else would like these “things.” Highly questionable, but you never know :0).

    But passing it on as a gift? I don’t think so.

    • Linda Mac

      This sounds like “garage sale” material to me. ;-)

      I, too, do not re-gift. I occasionally give the unused things to the local charity but I don’t give them to friends or relatives.

  • Stan Davis

    The fruitcake phenomenon

    This is like fruitcakes. You see, nobody ever actually eats a fruitcake. In reality, they’re never even opened. In fact, there are only three fruitcakes in the world. Each year, the last recipients of a fruitcake send them on to other people. The three fruitcakes have been around for decades.

    Stan Davis
    Lakewood, CO

    • Ani

      Water spew!!!!!!!!

      That is the very best I have read today!! Thanks for the much needed laugh. :)

    • Linda Mac

      LOL. Not true. My husband LOVES fruit cake! He eats it at everyone’s house we visit. I claim he is the only living human being who eats fruit cake and he is single-handedly eating all of the fruit cake in the world. He especially likes it with soft cream cheese. Yuk!

  • roxrocks

    My best friend had a party last weekend and she had 60 people in her home. In the craziness, she didn’t know who brought which hostess gifts. The next day she went to a get-together at one of her guests house and grabbed a bottle of wine from the cabinet and took it for the hostess gift. Well, you can guess what happened, lol. She unknowingly regifted the wine to her hostess. Her hostess was pissed, but things happen, lol.

    • Peggy Sue

      Well, “that” I can easily imagine, rox. And purple faces all around :0).

  • http://www.syd4.blogspot.com SYD

    Re-gifting is perfectly acceptable in my family. It is the “green” way. Fewer UPOs for the landfill….

    Although this year we are each buying one gift card for whomever’s name we drew at Thanksgiving time. And… get this… we each got to pick which gift card we wanted. By listing our five top choices…

    Everyone else gets chocolate. Which is rarely re-gifted. Cuz it’s Godiva.

    But, if I do get any UPOs … I will definitely regift. Tis the season…

  • http://www.r4-ds.pl r4i

    The ethics of regifting is a hot discussion this Christmas.
    Apparently, there are those who insist re-gifting is a tawdry practice, and there are those who have practiced it for years. For those who might not be familiar with the concept, Webster’s New Millennium Dictionary offers a helpful definition. To re-gift is “to give an unwanted gift to someone else” or “to give as a gift something one previously received as a gift.”
    So please take care.

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  • mamakay

    SO GLAD YOU LOVED THE REGIFT I SENT. IT IS TRUELY UGLY AND I COULDNT RESIST BUYING IT. OUR GRANDMOTHER WAS FAMOUS IN OUR FAMILY FOR REGIFTING. IT WAS A FAMILY TRADITION THAT WE ALL GOT A BIG KICK OUT OF. MANY SMILES AND LAUGHTER. WHATS WRONG WITH BRINGING THAT KIND OF JOY?

    • Pat Racimora

      Ha! This is my sister–the giver of the “No Quarter” plaque. See, you never know. One person’s throwaay may be another’s delight!

  • yttik

    One thing we’ve always regifted is wrapping paper and gift bags. We cut out the names, iron the paper, redecorate it, whatever it takes to re-use it. What’s been kind of fun is watching some of the bags and paper make the rounds thru the friends and family and come back to you a few years later. One friend of mine has cut scraps of wrapping paper out, pasted it on brown paper and wrapped her gifts in it. It’s almost like receiving a quilt full of memories. I don’t know what started this, I think some of us just love beautiful wrapping paper and couldn’t bear to throw it out.

    • Pat Racimora

      I love it! Great idea that I am going to try to do more of. I have been saving gift bags and good paper, but making a “quilt” is a super and sentimental idea.

    • Judy L. NC

      My family regifts a shirt-size box (with something in it) from a hometown department store which has been out of business for at least 25 years!

  • oowawa

    We three kings of Orient are
    Bearing gifts, we travel afar . . .

    Though I admit that at first it was hard to recognize the 3 kings in your ‘toon, in their clever modern disguises . . . But they’re still at it:

    blockquote>In the conventional version of the Christmas story, the wise men or magi:

    * Gaspar,
    * Melchior and
    * Balthasar

    started the gift-giving custom of Christmas by bringing gold, frankincense, and myrrh to the Christ child on Epiphany.

    And so now the “gifts” are “regifts” of unwanted artifacts and migratory orphan fruitcakes that “travel afar . . . ” Well, it’s been over 2000 years, and at least we still remember to try to re-enact that magic time . . .

    • Pat Racimora

      Oowwaa–you are amazing. Yes, of course the totally unconscious part of my brain was recreating the 3 Kings. : ) I only wish I had been fully aware of it.

      As usual, I love your comments. And I like to believe that we are trying to recreate that traditional meaning, but it is increasingly difficult as the merchandising starts well before Thanksgiving now.

      • oowawa

        Thanks, Pat. It’s always a pleasure to interact with your very evocative ‘toons. Your images evoke and constellate thoughts that are not immediately obvious, and that gives them depth.

        • oowawa

          And as one last thought about the 3 wise men: it made me want to go back and re-read the old sentimental O. Henry Christmas story that we all know, “The Gift of the Magi”:

          http://www.auburn.edu/~vestmon/Gift_of_the_Magi.html

          Gift or regift–it’s the feeling in the heart that gives that really matters. The last paragraph of the story:

          The magi, as you know, were wise men–wonderfully wise men–who brought gifts to the Babe in the manger. They invented the art of giving Christmas presents. Being wise, their gifts were no doubt wise ones, possibly bearing the privilege of exchange in case of duplication. And here I have lamely related to you the uneventful chronicle of two foolish children in a flat who most unwisely sacrificed for each other the greatest treasures of their house. But in a last word to the wise of these days let it be said that of all who give gifts these two were the wisest. O all who give and receive gifts, such as they are wisest. Everywhere they are wisest. They are the magi.

  • Texas Playwright

    I either tell the person I’m re-gifting the thing if he/she wants it, or I give to to Goodwill. As I am VERY clear about not wanting/having a lot of stuff and stating exactly what I want, I have no problem in this area.

    I would like to re-gift the stimulus bill to Nancy Pelosi and bho the fraud to his former IL state congressional district, where he, ME-chelle and kids can live in cold-water/no-heat housing through the winter, and stay there until 1/20/2013.

  • Solara9

    My family on my husband’s side gives money as gifts most of the time. I never understood that. They just move the same amount of money around year and after, occasion after occasion. To me this is worse than re-gifting as it shows no creativity or thought whatsoever and is a zero-sum game.

    They might as well not give gifts at all, but they would think that was unthinkable.

  • Rich

    Wonderful cartoon. Very interesting subject. It should have included what is a gift and the purpose of gift giving. Then you could also include is it OK to give something you have that you might have bought yourself, and is it OK to give that to someone. Or are the Goodwill and cleaning people the only ones who appreciate these kinds of gifts?

    It used to be that when a couple got married, they would receive as gifts things that they truly needed, regardless if whether it was new, used or even homemade and they would appreciate it. In fact if it was homemade, it might be even more appreciated. And where are we now?

    If you think of giving money, remember that this is a form of re-gifting even if you change cash into a check, since someone had to give it to you so you could give it to someone else.

    So for me, if I give someone a gift and they do not like it once, then it is OK if they return it for something they want or if they cannot return it they can re-gift it. If it happens more than three times, then I am aware I do not know what they like, therefore there is no reason for me to continue to give them gifts and cause them all of that inconvenience of having to return it or find someone who might like it.

    Rich

  • Eastan McNeal

    I am late to this discussion but I want to share with your readers “intentional re-gifting.” Close friends of our family raised their children with two simple rules of charity. 10% of everything you earn you donate to charity. And.. when you give a gift pick one that you love so much that you would rather keep it for yourself. Each Christmas their girls would go through their belongings and select their favorite toys or other belongings, wrap them and give them to their friends.

    One of the girls is now a social worker and the other a teacher. Re-gifting was perhaps a contributor to their wonderful development during their formative years.

  • mountainaires

    Gerald Celente says by 2012, things will be so bad that people will be worried more about food for their Christmas dinner than gifts.

    So, basically, my fundamental premise is to re-gift very carefully and asking if it’s alright to re-gift something is probably the best way to go about it.

    But, if you have a gift that you would throw away, and you know someone who would like it, it seems silly not to give them the pleasure.

    We make too much of things anyway.

    Good post, Pat. Makes us all think! :-)

  • Portia Elizabeth

    Count me on the side of those who see nothing wrong with regifting. One of the best gifts I’ve gotten recently was a regift from a dear friend who’s older and on a fixed income. It was a beautiful set of coffee mugs that she had no need of. They were new in the box, so I thought it perfectly logical to pass them on to someone who could use them and appreciate them rather than storing them away in the back of a closet and then worrying how to buy gifts for people.

    Really, in this economy, I hope my friends won’t spend money that they could use for their own needs. I’ve been telling my family, instead of gifts for me, donate to a charity. It would make me happy to know someone who could use some help will get it thanks to donations at Christmas.

    Call me corny, but my favorite parts of the holidays are the music and the decorative lights on homes in our town. Oh, and cookies.

  • Banned in Beantown

    Shhhhhh… keep it down about the regifts. Obama may find a way to tax regifting too.

    The gift that keeps on giving will become the tax that keeps on taxing

  • oowawa

    Thanks, Pat. It is always a pleasure to interact with you very evocative ‘toons. In a sense, “regifting” is exactly what we try to do, in our benighted way: we attempt to “regift” the original gift-giving of the 3 magi, with the animals kneeling around the miraculous child . . .