Current Article

Santa Got Mugged

By Pat Racimora on December 23, 2009 at 4:45 PM in Current Affairs

What is dampening the Christmas spirit for many is anger at the financial sector and the huge bonuses their executives got for screwing the rest of us over—twice.

But like the kids in my not-meant-to-be-funny cartoon, I feel intense disappointment in those American citizens who carried tremendous fiduciary duties to competently manage our treasure and, instead, just ran off with it. Then they got prizes for doing it. And they aren’t even getting into trouble for doing it.

I can just imagine what glorious gifts those who messed up then cleaned up are exchanging with their families while so many others will be going lean. But, no one can steal caring and kindness, virtues the Moneythugs would know nothing about. So let’s be good to each other and enjoy the day, even if the presents are sparse.

Merry Christmas from the No Quarter Family to Yours

wbboei

Well said Pat.

And the other half of it is watching them try to cover their tracks–and get caught doing it.

Neither party is immune from that sort of thing. The unabashedly conservative–and highly principled blog Red State blog takes objects to this deceptive practice regardless of who does it. (Their left wing counterparts TPM, Kos etc. lack similar candor and are intellectually dishonest)

Red State points out that some of the republicans who cast on the individual mandate today, calling it unconstitutional were among its co sponsors initially. The names may surprise you.

But the coup de gras was out friend Senator Nelson of Nebraska who gets caught in flagrante delicto, yet again. (Note: hey Ben as they said in Watergate they must surely say in Nebraska: the cover-up is worse than the crime.)

___________________________________________–

The Senate of the United States just voted to table Jim DeMint’s proposed amendment that would prevent cash for cloture compromises.

As you will recall, Ben Nelson was bribed by Harry Reid to vote for the health care bill via targeted earmarks that will only benefit Nebraska.

DeMint asked for the Senate to suspend its rules to consider his amendment, which would prohibit such deals in the future.

Ben Nelson voted against Jim DeMint’s amendment, but when he realized the Democrats already had the votes to kill it, he raced back up to the clerk and changed his vote so the final record shows Nelson sided with DeMint.

Unfortunately for Ben Nelson, I have obtained the actual factual roll call sheet.

You can see it in PDF here.

Go to page two and find Nelson’s name. See the swiggly line through the mark on the left side? That’s the clerk noting that he switched his vote once the other Democrats defeated DeMint’s amendment.

What. A. Tool.
Kim

Thank you Pat for this very insightful cartoon and all the other great ones that you’ve given us. You’re so right…these criminals can’t take away our innate goodness and spirit of giving. A very Merry Christmas to you, Pat, and everyone at NQ.
oowawa

“Robbed While Flying Over Wall Street”–well that’s got to be BTE (Better Than Expected). I notice that Santa’s still got his shirt and pants–Rally Time! Quit complaining, fat man, everywhere you look–Green Shoots! No winter here! Giving is for losers: get back to the North Pole where you came from!
Pat Racimora

LOL Oowawa–I truly seriously thought about having Santa weaing only his hat (with the sack appropriately positioned), but it’s fun to draw his costume so I let him get away with the shirt on his back, so to speak.
Onofre’s arm

SCIENCE vs. SANTA

Is there a Santa Claus?

(This research was first presented in the renowned scientific
journal SPY magazine in January, 1990)

1) No known species of reindeer can fly. BUT there are 300,000 species of living organisms yet to be classified, and while most of these are insects and germs, this does not completely rule out flying reindeer which only Santa has ever seen.
2) There are approximately 2 billion children (persons under 18) in the world. BUT since Santa doesn’t appear to handle the Muslim, Hindu, Jewish, and Buddhist children, that reduces the workload to 15% of the total 378 million according to the Population Reference Bureau. At an average (census) rate of 3.5 children per household, that’s 91.8 million homes. One presumes that there is at least one good child in each.

3) Santa has 31 hours of Christmas to work with, thanks to the different time zones and the rotation of the earth, assuming he travels east to west (which seems logical). This works out to 822.6 visits per second. This is to say that for each Christian household with good children, Santa has 1/lOOOth of a second to park, hop out of the sleigh, jump down the chimney, fill the stockings, distribute the remaining presents under the tree, eat whatever snacks have been left, get back up the chimney, get back into the sleigh and move on to the next house. Assuming that each of these 91.8 million stops are evenly distributed around the earth (which we know to be false but for the purposes of our calculations we will accept), we are now talking about .78 miles per household, a total trip of 75 and 1/2 million miles, not counting stops to do what most of us must do at least once every 31 hours, plus feeding, etc.

This means that Santa’s sleigh is moving at 650 miles per second, 3000 times the speed of sound. For purposes of comparison, the fastest man made vehicle on earth, the Ulysses space probe, moves at a poky 27.4 miles per second and a conventional reindeer can run, tops, 15 miles per hour.

4) The payload on the sleigh adds another interesting element. Assuming that each child gets nothing more than a medium sized Lego set (2 pounds), the sleigh is carrying 321,300 tons, not counting Santa, who is invariably described as overweight. On land, conventional reindeer can pull no more than 300 pounds. Even granting that “flying reindeer” (see point # 1) could pull TEN TIMES the normal amount, the job couldn’t be done with eight or even nine. We would need 214,200 reindeer. This increases the payload not even counting the sleigh – to 353,430 tons. Again, for comparison, this is four times the weight of the Queen Elizabeth cruise ship.

5) 353,000 tons traveling at 650 miles per second creates enormous air resistance this will heat the reindeer up in the same fashion as a spacecraft re entering the earth’s atmosphere. The lead pair of reindeer will absorb 14.3 QUINTILLION joules of energy. Per second. Each. In short, they will burst into flames almost instantaneously, exposing the reindeer behind them and creating deafening sonic booms in their wake. The entire reindeer team would be vaporized within 4.26 thousandth of a second. Santa, meanwhile, will be subjected to centrifugal forces 17,500.06 times greater than gravity. A 250 pound Santa (which seems ludicrously slim) would be pinned to the back of his sleigh by 4,315,015 pounds of force.

In conclusion: If Santa ever did deliver presents on Christmas Eve, he’s dead now.

Merry Christmas!

(my twelve year old brought this to my attention. In my continuing efforts to convince him that Santa truly does exist, I had to explain to him that the calculations didn’t consider alternate dimensions and wormholes. he wasn’t impressed. I think I’m losing him.)
Touchet

But yet everyone went out and STILL put money in their pockets by buying christmas presents. I work in retail. They have made a killing this christmas. There was a lot more business this year than last.

If you really wanted to get back at them, Don’t buy anything. Eventually the money would run out and we could rid of them.
Solara 9

I worry that most of those folks just added more debt to their credit cards. I just got a notice that my annual rate is now 29.9% That used to be called usury, and was illegal.

I bought less than half as much as usual this holiday season, but I will say that I found good bargains.

People want to feel good this season–however they can, even if they have to suffer down the road.
http://www.sonicninjakitty.wordpress.com Sonic Ninja Kitty

214,200 reindeer! Oh my goodness–thing of all the pooper scooping Santa has to do, too!

This is SO funny. Thanks for sharing it, Onofre’s arm!
Stan Davis

Good point, Pat. The spirit of Christmas should have nothing to do with gifts or money, unless the money is to help those at the margins of society. Kindness, compassion, love, peace, family, and joy can’t be robbed by anybody.

Stan Davis
Lakewood, CO
Anonymous

Great toon Pat!!

At least where I live it looks like more than Santa has been robbed. Almost no christmas lights are up anywhere. Travel street after street. Rich neighborhood, poor neighborhood. You’re lucky to see one or two houses a glow with twinkling lights.

And yet the – get your picture with Santa booth – at our local mall is blowing away all previous sales records.

Maybe everyone is hoping there really is a Santa.
Yttik

Great cartoon!

We’ve actually been having a great time snarking about this year’s Obamamas. We made some tiny cookies and the kid started us on a roll by asking if these were Obama recession cookies. (No, actually they were try not to eat too much sugar and bounce off our wall cookies.)

We’ve been enjoying all sorts of silliness this year. My neighbors have a beautiful nativity set in their yard complete with the three wise…..snowmen. It makes me laugh because it’s so incongruent. I took them a dozen recession cookies.
Sassy

Nice work Pat!
Santa should avoid Pennsylvania Avenue as well, in the future!
How sad that so many are so corrupt.
Merry Christmas to all who comprehend the true gifts!
lark

You mean Bernie Madoff got mugged in prison by an elf.

I think kindness and caring are virtues moneythugs also have, except it doesn’t cost them a penny. Most of them are probably deacons and elders in their respective churches. God will know how to deal with them. Surprise,! you are not going to heaven as you expected. Go to hell together with the pastor of your church. Eternally.
Rich

And it did not stop our government Santa and the stock holders from bringing them more presents.

What a country.

Rich