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An Accountant’s Life Is Not a Lot Of Fun (from Pirates in Pinafores, a G&S pastiche)

By Old Grumpy Guy on February 28, 2010 at 5:32 PM in Humor, Music, OldGrumpyGuy, Satire

Since my last stab at a Gilbert and Sullivan pastiche – “I Am the Very Model of a Modern Intellectual” – seemed to have been enjoyed by a lot of people here on NQ and on my Youtube channel, I thought I would share one of my latest efforts.

This time there is no video involved, however. This is a special preview for NQ readers only. It is a scene from “Pirates in Pinafores: A Gilbert and Sullivan Pastiche”, which features the most popular G&S music (mainly with new lyrics from me) from seven of their shows, all wrapped up in a semi-modern story about love, duty and corporate intrigue. It was partly the reception I got here on NQ and on Youtube to “Modern Intellectual” that inspired me to do a whole show. The final show has 25 songs and two reprises that most people will recognize.

(One of the reasons I haven’t been doing much on NQ or Youtube lately is because I have been too busy with this project and dealing with new interest in my other stage musicals.)

The song in the scene I am printing below is sung by three accountants who work for the Pieman of Penzance (also known as the Franchise King), who has built up a huge fortune with his pie franchise.

SONG 4: AN ACCOUNTANT’S LIFE IS NOT A LOT OF FUN
to the tune of “A Policeman’s Lot Is Not a Happy One” from “Pirates of Penzance”)

ACCOUNTANT 1:
I am Alistair McDuff the chief accountant

CHORUS
Number cruncher

ACCOUNTANTS 2 and 3
And we are his assistants, Keith and Ron

CHORUS
Keith and Ron

ACCOUNTANTS
It’s our job to take good care of all finances

CHORUS
All finances

ACCOUNTANTS
And make sure our number crunching’s never wrong

CHORUS
God forbid

ACCOUNTANTS
But there’s no joy in being an accountant

CHORUS
No excitement

ACCOUNTANTS
For nobody ever thinks of us as fun

CHORUS
Dull as dirt
(ALL YAWN)

ACCOUNTANTS
No-one ever thinks of us as hot and sexy

CHORUS
Never sexy!

ACCOUNTANTS
We always seem so dull to ev’ryone

ALL
It’s not nice when ev’rybody thinks you’re dull
and no fun
An accountant’s lot is not a jolly one
Not a jot

ACCOUNTANTS
But you’ll find in private life we’re quite eccentric

CHORUS:
You? Eccentric?

ACCOUNTANTS
If you knew what we got up to you would say
That you never would have thought that an accountant
Could behave in such a nonconformist way

CHORUS
There’s no way

ACCOUNTANT 1:
In my private life I am an outlaw biker

CHORUS
Who’d have thought it?

ACCOUNTANT 1
At weekends I wear leather ev’ry day

CHORUS
Ev’ry day?

ACCOUNTANT
I ride my Harley with such wild abandon
I scare the pants off all who come my way

ACCOUNTANT 2
At weekends I become a secret nudist

CHORUS
The mind boggles

ACCOUNTANT 2
I strut around as naked as can be

CHORUS
T.M.I.

ACCOUNTANT 2
So never knock upon my door at weekends

CHORUS
We’ll avoid it

ACCOUNTANT 2
Unless you want to see the naked me

CHORUS
No, not me

ACCOUNTANT 3
At weekends I dress up in women’s clothing

CHORUS
No surprise there

ACCOUNTANT 3
I have a diff’rent dress to wear each day

CHORUS
Come what may

ACCOUNTANT 3
I’ve lots and lots and lots of pretty outfits

CHORUS
Bet that cost you!

ACCOUNTANT 3
But though I’m a crossdresser I’m not gay

CHORUS
Gay? No way!

ALL
Oh, when there is number crunching to be done,
to be done
An accountant’s job is not a lot of fun
Not much fun

PS I am now putting Mozart’s music to a Hans Christian Andersen tale. See what you started?

  • Captain Jack Sparrow

    We’ll plunder yer booty, ye lice-infested swine…

  • Diana L. C.

    Old Grumpy Guy,

    I was married to an accountant.  I empahsize the word “was.”  He wasn’t fun, you’re right.

  • WestVirginia304

    Grumpy.  I was bitten once by a Black Widow Spider.  I had to go naked for a day.  My accountant came over the next day, caught the spider, put it in a jar and set the jar in the sun so we could drink tea and watch it die.  That was fun.  Accountants do have a sense of black humor indeed.

  • Tricia

    I can barely wait to see/hear this!  Grumpy, you are a clever guy!

  • mortuus lark

    The irony: Most accountants are Republicans.

  • Onofre’s arm

    Oh…. the village accountant he was there
    balancing out the books,
    and making sure the prostitutes
    got paid for all their hooks.

    Was this in your musical Grumpy?

  • mortuus lark

    The irony: Most accountants are Republicans.

    “Like”s are encouraged but not required.

  • Onofre’s arm

    Or hey, how about:

    Oh…The vilage economist he was there
    prick was in his hand,
    waiting for the moment when
    supply would meet demand.

  • oowawa

    Well Old Grumpy Guy, thanks for once again bringing us some culture!  Your clever lyric reminds me of the character Luckman aka Skull in the 1980 movie, Serial, played by Christopher Lee  (“In my private life I am an outlaw biker”)–exactly so!  It’s too bad Christopher is so old now–he probably would have been perfect to sing your closet gay biker accountant!  Here’s a clip of him singing in The Return of Captain Invincible:

  • Peggy Sue

    Strangely enough, my husband of many moons is an accountant, still has his CPA license though he left public accounting many years ago.  As I mentioned to Larry Doyle several months ago, he left “public accounting” because he realized he’d never been good at fiction writing, which is something “creative” accounting became in the last 20-odd years.

    Yes, accounting is deadly boring for people like me–never good at math, more the “creative” type with words and images.  Simply not good with numbers. However, for my husband, numbers have a keen beauty, a true elegance: they are what they are.  They do not lie.  Until they’re tweaked, messaged, distorted.

    So, we can make fun of the number crunchers–how boring, how ordinary.  But the honest number crunchers, the old fashioned bean counters for whom 1+1 still = 2. the ones with integrity, who love the simple integrity of numbers?  They’re few and far between.

    Laugh at your peril! Laugh at the world of numbers and balance sheets gone absolutely mad.

    We can laugh all the way to Hell.

  • cc
  • Onofre’s arm

    Good timing oowawa, it’s 5:00 here……..HAPPY HOUR!

  • Peggy Sue

    PS: My husband is not a Republican.  He’s just [yes, I know it's hard to believe] an honest man. 

  • mortuus lark

    I believe it. There are a whole lot of more honest people. Those are the ones I consider true patriots and heros. Those and only those are the only ones that I consider patriots. So as far as I am concerned, your husband is a patriot, and a hero.

  • mortuus lark

    I believe it (or I believe you). There are not too many honest people. Those are the ones I consider true patriots and heros. Those and only those are the only ones that I consider patriots. So as far as I am concerned, your husband is a patriot, and a hero.

  • oowawa

    “an honest man”
    which is hard to find . . .

    And certainly “accountants” are among the most stereotyped professionals on the planet . . .

  • Always Learning

    OGG -

    Your post is very timely, as last night I watched my son perform in his high school’s production of Pirates of Penzance. In fact, he played one of the policemen.

  • oowawa

    Well, WV304, this has got to be one of the strangest little stories I’ve ever read!  At the risk of leading this thread off-topic, I have to ask: “Why did you have to go naked for a day?”

  • Anonymous

    Unfortunately there seem to be a lot of “creative accountants” in Government, but they are not creative enough in coming up with new ways of accounting that make more sense.

  • My Site (click to edit)

    Yes, but as I suggest in another song, cliches (or generalizations) become cliches because of the truth underpinning them

  • My Site (click to edit)

    Thanks Tricia. I can’t wait to see it either!  (Know any good G&S/light opera groups?

  • My Site (click to edit)

    Why is this giving me the name of “My Site”????

  • Scott

    Accountants keep track of payments, financial positions, and transfers of capital or income for individual or institutional clients. Some are responsible for examining the tax implications of those actions. Accountants must be comfortable with numbers, but must also spend a considerable amount of time reviewing other people’s work and, in particular, delivering bad news. As a “financial physician” (a term that cropped up more than once in our surveys), you’ll be the bearer of unpleasantness more often than blessings, and can expect to be greeted, at times, in a less-than-friendly fashion.
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  • John

    Not too many individuals gave very much thought to accounting and the principles and concepts upon which the accounting professional is responsible for upholding, not until the tremendous impact of the corporate scandals of the 90s.  During the aftermath of the tremendous surge in the stock market during the 90s, and the success of the corporate giants, many stockholders and investors were left bereft when the CEOs and CFOs made off with billions, and the little investor was left with nothing.  In some cases, this was the retirement nest egg for the individual, and now there was very little left of that nest egg.  What does this mean to you?
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  • Morph

    One of my friend is accountant I can say that one of the tough life he is living right at the moment. He need to focus every thing and always trying not to miss a single cent while he is giving the cash to others. I can say that being an accountant specially when you are accountant for one business firm is one of the difficult job.
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  • creeper

    Don’t know how I missed this thread the first time but I owe you one for dragging it back up, Morph.  Thanks. 

    How’s the musical coming, OGG?

  • Minute

    Accountants need to go for the real tough time man. You have done a nice job for sharing such an impressive post with us.
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  • King

    What a wonderful post and the song. Accountants are really very daring people and its very difficult job.
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  • Johnson

    I was working with some enterprise resource planning team as a project manager and I can say that accounts project was one of those project which took lot time for whole enterprise team to complete this project even when I left the job it was in the development phase. You said it right that life of an accountant is not easy like it seems to be.
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  • Nathan

    One of my brothers was working as an accountant in the past and I can say that he was always facing the tough time in his job.
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  • Nathan

    One of my brothers was working as an accountant in the past and I can say that he was always facing the tough time in his job.
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  • Lucky Adam

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  • mojy

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  • mojy

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  • mojy

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  • Patrick

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  • Anonymous

    Accounting is the study of how businesses track their income and assets over time. It is not surprising that many successful players in business began their careers in accounting jobs. Not surprisingly, most CFOs of large companies have an accounting background.
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  • http://www.winkslondon.com/ Palma

    Interesting I found this blog by accident. Really glad I did though, I’ll be back from now on.