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The Culture Of Male Athletes Needs Changing

The recent murder of UVA senior, Yeardley Love, a Lacrosse standout, by her ex-boyfriend, George Huguely,also a Lacrosse standout, just before graduation, has been traumatic for the UVA campus. But it has affected far more people than just that campus. This vicious act of domestic violence at an elite school has touched us all in one way or another.

Add to that the arrest of Lawrence Taylor for rape of a 16-year-old girl, and the allegations against Ben Roethlisberger of sexual assault, and these are but the tip of the iceberg when it comes to athletes committing crimes against women. Numerous professional athletes have been charged with domestic violence, including the manager of the Braves, Bobby Cox, Rockies pitcher Pedro Astacio, and too many to list here now.

And that is a sad commentary on our sports culture, our culture in general. It is that culture about which Sally Jenkins wrote recently in this Washington Post article, “George Huguely, Ben Roethlisberger, Lawrence Taylor: Male Athletes Encouraged To Do The Wrong Thing“:

George Huguely is said to have been a vicious drunk who menaced Yeardley Love, yet there has been no indication that any of his teammates said anything to police. Ben Roethlisberger seems to be a serial insulter of women, whose behavior is shielded by the off-duty cops he employs. And if the charges are true, Lawrence Taylor ignored the bruises on a 16-year-old girl’s face as he had sex with her, never thinking to ask who beat her.

It’s a bad stretch for women in the sports pages. After reading the news accounts and police reports, it’s reasonable to ask: Should women fear athletes? Is there something in our sports culture that condones these assaults? It’s a difficult, even upsetting question, because it risks demonizing scores of decent, guiltless men. But we’ve got to ask it, because something is going on here — there’s a disturbing association, and surely we’re just as obliged to address it as we are concussions.

“We can no longer dismiss these actions as representative of a few bad apples,” says Jay Coakley, author of “Sport in Society: Issues and Controversies,” and a professor of sociology at the University of Colorado. “The evidence suggests that they are connected to particular group cultures that are in need of critical assessment.”

Well, that’s putting it mildly, isn’t it? Women being murdered by someone they know, the ultimate act of domestic violence, is nothing new. That is disturbing enough. But there’s more:

What do we mean when we ask whether there was something in the lacrosse “culture” that led to the murder of Yeardley Love? The Latin root of the word “cultura” means “to grow.” It means the attitudes, practices, and values that are implanted and nourished in a group or society.

There’s a lot we still don’t know about Huguely and his “brothers,” but three attitudes and practices of at least some members of the Virginia lacrosse team seem obvious: physical swagger, heavy drinking and fraternal silence.

In 2008, a drunken Huguely was so brutally combative with a female cop that she felt she had to Taser him. Last year, he assaulted a sleeping teammate who he believed had kissed Love, several former players say, and this year, he had other violent confrontations with Love herself, witnesses say.

We can argue about gaps in the system, but one constituency very likely knew about Huguely’s behavior: his teammates and friends, the ones who watched him smash up windows and bottles and heard him rant about Love.

Why didn’t they tackle him? Why didn’t they turn him in?

Undoubtedly, many of the young men on the Virginia lacrosse team are fine human beings. I don’t mean to question their decency. I don’t mean to blame them.

But I do mean to ask those who knew of Huguely’s behavior an important question. Why did they not treat Yeardley Love as their teammate, too?

Where were her brothers?

Why was she not deserving of the same loyalty as George Huguely? She played lacrosse. She wore a Virginia uniform. She was equally a champion. And yet because she played on the women’s team, she seems not to have been accorded the same protection that Huguely was.

That doesn’t just break the heart. It shatters it into a thousand pieces.

Where were her brothers indeed. I can appreciate that Jenkins doesn’t want to paint the entire team with a broad brush, but in much the same way the Atlanta Falcons and Virginia Tech Hokies remained silent about Michael Vick’s dog fighting, these young men remained silent about Huguely’s violence toward Love (and their own teammate). Not to equate dog fighting to murder by any stretch, but to highlight the culture of tacit acceptance of bad behavior by athletes in general.

As noted above, it isn’t just Huguely:

The allegations against Huguely, Roethlisberger and Taylor share something in common. In all of these cases, the alleged female victims were treated as undeserving of inclusion in the protected circle. They were “others” rather than insiders.

Sports Illustrated’s profile of Roethlisberger and the men who look after him is utterly damning. According to the magazine story, on the night that he allegedly accosted an over-served undergrad in a Milledgeville, Ga., restroom, Roethlisberger held up a tray of tequila shots and hollered, “All my bitches, take some shots!” He exposed himself at the bar. He forced his hand up someone’s skirt. Yet police sergeant Jerry Blash described the alleged victim as “this drunken bitch,” and Roethlisberger’s bodyguards apparently blocked off the area. Protecting Roethlisberger, being “in” with him, took precedence over ethics.

“Who needs the bodyguard here?” Coakley asks incredulously. “What is the role of bodyguard? It’s not to maintain male hegemony and privilege. It’s to maintain order.”

The charge of third-degree rape against Taylor prompts another question. Police allege that a 16-year-old runaway was beaten by a sex trafficker and brought to Taylor’s hotel room, where, according to police report, instead of protecting her, he allegedly protected himself with a condom. If Taylor is guilty, how could he have acted in such a depersonalizing way — unless he viewed her as more object than person?

According to Coakley, the data is clear: Certain types of all-male groups generally have higher rates of assault against women than the average, and their profile is unmistakable. They tend to include sports teams, fraternities, and military units, and they stress the physical subordination of others — and exclusiveness.

Common sense tells me that “sport” in general is not the culprit in all of this so much as excessive celebration and rewarding of it: binge drinking, women-as-trophies, the hubris resulting from exaggerated entitlement and years of being let off the hook. We are hatching physically gifted young men in incubators of besotted excess and a vocabulary of “bitches and hos.”

What has happened to kindness, to the cordial pleasures of friendship between men and women in the sports world? Above all, what has happened to sexuality? When did the most sublime human exchange become more about power and status than romance? When did it become so pornographic and transactional, so implacably cold?

The truth is, women can’t do anything about this problem. Men are the only ones who can change it — by taking responsibility for their locker room culture, and the behavior and language of their teammates. Nothing will change until the biggest stars in the clubhouse are mortally offended, until their grief and remorse over an assault trumps their solidarity.

That bears repeating:

The truth is, women can’t do anything about this problem. Men are the only ones who can change it — by taking responsibility for their locker room culture, and the behavior and language of their teammates. Nothing will change until the biggest stars in the clubhouse are mortally offended, until their grief and remorse over an assault trumps their solidarity.

And it is far past time for them to do so. Athletes who have remained silent need to do so no longer. As long as they refuse to speak up, to speak out, they bear responsibility for the outcome as well.

Honestly, a lot of these athletes could learn a thing or two from people like Tim Tebow. While I may not agree with his stance on Choice, or even his brand of religion, at least he is a stand up guy. I cannot imagine someone like Tebow remaining silent if one of his teammates was acting in the same manner as Huguely, nor would he ever act toward women like Huguely did (threatening to kill a woman police officer because she was a woman?? Wow.).

Bottom line, we cannot, we MUST not, lose more young women like Yeardley Love to the unchecked violence of fellow athletes, athletes who have been protected from having to bear any responsibility for their violent tendencies, or any athletes at all. We cannot lose one more young woman this way, not one more.

  • Sick of the MSM

    I put myself through college by being a cook.  I have worked in many kitchens where I was the first woman to work in the kitchen in 20 years.  They had named all of the pasta dishes by different parts of a woman’s anatomy.  That had to change, when I got the job (but a few times they did slip up and say them by mistake).  I couldn’t have changed the culture by myself.  I had some very vocal men who were glad that I had gotten a job there, because the culture had made them uncomfortable.  They said that they didn’t feel comfortable speaking up, until they could mask their discomfort with “trying to protect me”.  That is when I began to truly understand the “locker room mentality”.  

    I wish that we could do more as women, but I do think that our scope of influence is not as reaching as it should be.  But as the mother of a young boy (he is 4), I am trying to instill integrity and compassion and empathy.  Hopefully, he will have the strength and ability to speak out.  Better yet, hopefully he won’t have the need!   Maybe all of our problems will be solved and he won’t need to…

    Wishful thinking!!

  • Rabble Rouser Rev. Amy

    Thank you for this story.  It is very telling indeed. 

    That’s just it – some men DO feel uncomfortable at the objectification, even abuse.   But they don’t always speak up, and that’s a big problem.

    Your raising a son is a big step, though.  You can teach him how people, all people, are supposd to be treated…

  • jbjd

    The love of my life was an All-Pro NFL Linebacker.  (His college scholarship was for academics and music; he began playing ball in college. I met him after his days with the pros were over, and had no idea who he was.)  He was HUGE.  We were having a disagreement; he wanted to make up with a kiss.  He got down on the floor on his knees; I stayed on the couch.  Slowly, he began inching closer to me, knee by knee, on the floor.  I streched out my arms straight in front of me, with my hands against his shoulders.  ‘No; I don’t want to be kissed, get away.’  As he got closer, my elbows bent, until my face was within inches of his.  I dropped my arms.  ‘Look,’ I said, ‘I cannot stop you from kissing me if that’s what you are determined to do.  But I am telling you, I DO NOT WANT TO BE KISSED.’  He backed away, in a hurry. 

    He was the kindest, gentlest, smartest, funniest, most exasperating man I have even known.

  • Sick of the MSM

    I agree that this is about how ALL people should be treated!

  • jbjd

    The love of my life was an All-Pro NFL Linebacker.  (His college scholarship was for academics and music; he began playing ball in college. I met him after his days with the pros were over, and had no idea who he was.)  He was HUGE.  We were having a disagreement; he wanted to make up with a kiss.  He got down on the floor on his knees; I stayed on the couch.  Slowly, he began inching closer to me, knee by knee, on the floor, giggling.  I stretched out my arms straight in front of me, with my hands against his shoulders.  ‘No; I don’t want to be kissed, get away.’  As he got closer, my elbows bent, until my face was within inches of his.  I dropped my arms.  ‘Look,’ I said, ‘I cannot stop you from kissing me if that’s what you are determined to do.  But I am telling you, I DO NOT WANT TO BE KISSED.’  He backed away, in a hurry.   
     
    He was the kindest, gentlest, smartest, funniest, most exasperating man I have even known.

  • Breeze

    -

    OT:

    Tampa wins bid to
    host 2012 GOP convention

    Associated Press,
    by Tamara Lush
       
    Original Article

    5/12/2010    
    TAMPA, Fla.

    – After trying and failing – twice – to land the Republican National Convention in this Gulf Coast city, a group of community leaders and GOP insiders finally succeeded Wednesday afternoon. “We are very proud to call and tell you that Tampa is the host city,” Republican National Committee chairman Michael Steele said during a conference call. Cheers and ear-to-ear grins filled a Tampa conference room, located on the 21st floor of a downtown high rise. “We are looking forward to working with you,” Al Austin, the host committee

    ——————————————————————————————————-

    We are really looking forward to this in the Tampa Bay area.
    (I’m in St. Petersburg)

  • Breeze
  • I’m a Linda too

    o/t and drive by…will be back later.  But had to share this.

    While running around today, I got stuck behind a card that actually still has on a stick Obama’08.  I had a news flash.  A great sticker that can be used for years to come…and a great poster at the Tea Party events.

    NObama’12

  • Peggy Sue

    Oh, I agree Amy.  There’s been a vow of silence between these athletes, whether young or old.  No one wants to “rat out” a member of the team.  And for owners and coaches, there’s a litany of excuses and legal protection because the offender is bringing in the dough. 

    I think the best we can do as women is to raise our sons in an atmosphere that stresses  “no violence” within the home, a strong and unswerving sense that any violence against a woman is wrong and will not be tolerated. These are things we need to talk to our sons about.  I did, even when they weren’t thrilled about hearing it and would say, “Aw, Ma, I know already.” Still, I beat the drum.  Raising our sons to be strong, decent men, and acting with integrity and respect ourselves is the best line of defense for the future. And I told my sons if I ever hear you’ve raised your hand to any woman, you’ll have me to deal with personally. And I will feel nothing but shame that you’re my son.

    It worked, at least with my rowdy bunch. 

    But for the men, young or old, atheletes or couch potatoes, who resort to violence against women?  They belong behind bars, period. I told my husband before we were ever married: The first time will be absolutely the last time.

    Worked with him, too. 8-)  Sadly, I’ve been up close and personal [members of my extended family] to see what domestic violence leads to. It’s ugly, each and every time. 

  • lorac

    Thanks, RRRA, this is a really great essay, very thought provoking. 

    In my experience, female athletes in high school and college tend to also be good students, while a lot of the males have mostly physical ability, but not too great in their studies.  Over the years we’ve all read stories of male athletes that just got passed along in school, because their coaches made deals with the teachers. 

    In college and the pros, there is a lot of money at stake in male sports – that probably further encourages coaches and the administration to accept any behavior as long as the guy can play the sport well.  I sure hope that doesn’t happen as women gradually start getting paid more equitably for sports performance.

    And then of course, male sports are all about men – which you covered in your essay.  But you know, their whole life they heard things like (if they’re crying as a child) “don’t cry like a little girl!”, (if they’re starting to get tired) “Keep going, don’t be a sissy!” – well, there are dozens, but of course, the winner is:  “you suck so bad, a GIRL could beat you!”. 

    But all the messages are that women are weak, women are inferior, women are second class – and that the males are not men if they can’t demolish or objectify a woman.  I really think many males’ identities are built on “not being women; being better than women”.  They need new identities, indeed! 

    But if their main sounding board consists of other males in the same place, they’re not going to get a healthier outlook on life or on fe/male relations.  Not being so homophobic would also help them not be so afraid that they have to demean women to prove their manhood.  I really do think the answer is going to come from men developing their own identity, WITHOUT any comparisons to women (as in, “stronger than”, “better than”, etc.)   Women did it 40 years ago, defining ourselves apart from men.  Maybe it’s long past time men got with the program!

    Lastly, I would say that the infusion of alcohol/drugs certainly seems to excelerate the behavior.  Perhaps some of those lacrosse players didn’t report the perpetrator male because they were all equally trashed….? 

    cue my stalker in 3……2……1……

  • Rabble Rouser Rev. Amy

    Well said. Very well said, Peggy Sue.

    Of course, not all male athletes are violent, and many are sweet, gentle, giants, like the man jbjd knew.  But it isn’t just the ones individually, but the culture of silence too many buy into because they are a “team.”

  • Breeze

    -

    Illinois School Nixes Basketball Team’s
    Trip to Arizona Over Immigration Law

    Fox News, by Staff   

    Original Article

    Posted By: KarenJ1-
    5/12/2010

    Parents in Illinois are outraged over a move by a local high school to scrap its girls basketball team’s trip to Arizona over the Grand Canyon State’s new immigration law. The Highland Park High School varsity basketball team has been selling cookies for months to raise money for a tournament in Arizona. Now, after winning their first conference title in 26 years, the girls are being denied the opportunity to play in the tournament because their school had some safety concerns — and determined the trip “would not be aligned” with its “beliefs and values,”

  • Rabble Rouser Rev. Amy

    Excellent point abt the women students.  When one of my brothers was working on his PhD, he taught English classes.  He had a number of the women basketball players in his classes.  He said they were very smart, prepared, and engaged in the classes. 

    And amen, sister – that is so, so true – “better than women” is the ID indeed.  If it inherently misogynistic, and that is the problem.

    Again, even if all men don’t ACT on it, the fact that so many men DO alleviates them having to do so.  But until/unless they speak up, speak out, it is mighty hard to affect that kind of change.  NO ONE is going to give it to us jsut because it is the right thing to do.  It has a lot to do with power, and no one gives that up without a fight, at least in my experience…

  • Rabble Rouser Rev. Amy

    Sigh.  Way to play politics with something that has nothing to do with politics.  What is going ON in these schools??  That is so disturbing.

  • lorac

    RRRA, don’t you think that if the good guys stood up to the bullies, they’d get the nickname “faggot”?  (Which really freaks most men out)  I think misogyny and homophobia need to be tackled together!

  • TeakWood

    Thank you Rev. Amy.
    I have always been of the opinion that young girls should be taught martial arts starting in 1st grade. I am not sure, and have long wondered about what would change the dynamic, but self defense is a part of it.

  • lorac

    lol Okay, I just have to say it.  I wonder if they would have been willing to sacrifice their men’s team if it had made it to this tournament.  Maybe if all you have to sacrifice is the women’s team, it’s no big deal to take a stand on some Arizona law!   (and they won their first conference title in  26! years – this tourney is important to these women, count on it)

  • Cindy

    Rev. Amy—Thank you, as always, for keeping these tragic, senseless stories re: violence against women in the forefront. There seems to be no end in sight for these by-products of this partriarchy in which we live!
     IMHO, there will be no cultural or societal makeover as long as the patriarchs in power are the ones doing the “makeovers”.
    Thank you for your vigilance, Rev. Amy!

  • Cindy

    P.S…. not ALL who keep perpetuating our patriarchy are men, by any means…Case in point: Pelosi!

  • LibOne

    After Nicole Brown Simpson was murdered, athletes and domestic violence was the hot topic on talk radio.  That was 15 years ago and yet nothing has changed.

  • SHV

    I think that there are very few females or males twho are mentally prepared to use extreme violence in a self defense situation.  Perhaps early defense training would help but I am not so sure about that.

  • I’m a Linda too

    Great post RRRA.  Indeed we do.  Such poor behaviors, such a let down.  Quite gross really.

  • Geoff C..

    When did NO stop being NO. When I grew up I was always trying to go farther then I should have and was told to stop and I did, Unless….. (we both agreed) Men who beat women are about as low as you can go, let alone killing them. Stuff like this never happened ( that we heard of) when I was growing up. (though it did)  I don’t know the boys in the world any more! I played sports in school, not lets” Rape all the girls and lie about it.  Just like most males who use their power to “keep women in their place” Athletes are the worst after politicians for getting away with ” boys will be boys” Fathers need to be more involved with there sons and let them know that this kind of behavior is wrong. (violence toward or against women) murder goes without saying. As father with a daughter, who is about to start dating I am worried about these things and the males in our society.

  • lorac

    Fathers need to be more involved with there sons and let them know that this kind of behavior is wrong

    I totally agree with you.  Paternal involvement and appropriate modeling would really help!

  • Craig Della Penna

    I think this is also representative of a larger fault in our society: the cult of the ‘Prince’. It’s most prevalent in sports but it appears everywhere and almost always with men. 
    It’s characterized by the young ‘Prince’ showing some aptitude or talent and from childhood on, no one ever tells him “No” He grows up in a world of sycophantic adulation where his every move or statement is greeted with fawning flattery.
    He never experiences any setbacks or encounters any roadblocks and so he never learns the lessons they teach. He usually becomes a narcissist, oblivious to the needs or wants of others. He tends to be angry and violent if confronted, petulant and self-serving in whatever relationships he has and absolutely assumptive about anything he wants.
    Partly these ‘Princes’ are the degraded repositories of the iconic warrior/hero power and are protected by our unwarranted correlation of strength with character.  
    So the ‘Prince’ is protected by the aura of nobility and despite his continuing and worsening behavior, society continues to make excuses for him and shower him with favor, praise and of course, lots and lots of money (the only standard of value we have left).
    We have the ‘Princes’ among us in all walks of life but they are especially obnoxious in sports because of its ubiquity and its obvious echo of battle.
    Another, far more dangerous, venue for sociopathic narcissists is, of course, politics. Here the ‘Prince’ has access to the real levers of power and can do real damage – as we have seen over the past ten years and continue to see every day.
    This is a fundamental societal sickness which will evenyually destroy us if we do not find a way to change.

  • Diana

    Really well put Craig.

    And RRR once again you bring us the hard news that we need to know.

  • Mr. Natural

    If Nicole’s father had stirred himself from his dead ass the FIRST time OJ slapped her around and squared Mr. Simpson away in the traditional, patriarchal fashion, she might still, in my view, be alive. The fact that Simpson actually survived to go to trial displays the microscopic nature of parts of Brown’s anatomy and the color of his liver.

  • No Longer Banned in Beantown

    How do you know that Lou Brown didn’t?

    Placing blame for Nicole and Ron Goldmans death on anybody else but OJ is exactly the attitude that enables and perptuates violence against women.

  • No Longer Banned in Beantown

    Women as trophys and Locker room culture. That is pretty much what enables this kind of violence.

    That culture won’t create an OJ or George Huguely. But, it will enable any man predisposed to it. Just like the well meaning enable the alcoholics and drug abusers in their families.

  • elsie

    What do you mean women can’t do anything?  Yes, women can do something..avoid all sports heroes and don’t even chase after them.  I am reminded of what a professor of gender studies said about women being raped on campus.  They want to go jogging in the park at night where most of the rapes on campus take place.  Would you still go and jog there if you know there is a rapist lurking out there.  Same thing with athletes.. a woman in her right mind should avoid dating or even hanging out with athletes.  When my son was still in college, I was horrified to learn that the girl he was dating was raped three times by 3 football players and when my son showed a little kindness to her, she rebuffed him and even lied and reported my son as a stalker.  Perhaps this is a result of her trauma as a rape victim, but anyway she prefered athletes obviously.    There are women who are attracted to men in uniform..any uniform, armed services, and sports.. but they should be forwarned as to what can happen to them and leave if it becomes a very harmful relationship.  You should not and will not give him permission to hit you.. LEAVE,, That is what women can do..

  • creeper

    R3A, I’m surprised you wrote this:  “The truth is, women can’t do anything about this problem.”

    No way will I accept that helpless outlook.  Maybe we can’t CHANGE them but we sure as hell don’t have to put up with it.

    For that matter, I’m not even sure we can’t change them.  Who raises them, after all?

    One last thought…maybe it’s not them that needs to change.

  • creeper

    R3A, I wonder if the women your brother taught were more focused on their studies because they knew there would be no big contracts after they graduated.  Professional sports are still almost totally the province of males.

  • creeper

    Way to go, Mr. Natural.  Blame the victim…or in this case the victim’s family.

    You’re sick.

  • kenoshamarge

    The attitude of male athletes certainly needs to change. Make that “some” and/or “many”. Sex seems to be one of the many “perks” they expect for being able to play some game better than the other little boys.

    But women have to take part of the blame too. Being willing to be “arm candy” for these arrogant and narcissistic men is objectifying themselves and adding to the idea that “women” toys are just sex toys. For some of these athletes the very idea that a woman would say no to them is completely out of their experience.

    Slavering after an athlete, a rock star, a movie star or any other male critter shows a lack of self-respect that I personally find repulsive.

    That said, it does not EVER excuse violence against any woman. EVER! 
    If these bystanders are such big strong men then they should show it by protecting women.

    But it seems to me that women need to respect themselves more if they want more respect. JMO

  • Sick of the MSM

    It is not just athletes that have this attitude! Many men in our society do. I am a woman who has been mistaken for a man. I have also had to “pass” as a man for my own safety. I have also “passed” for a society experiment. By doing so, I got to see the way that many men talk about women behind closed doors. I was very surprised to see how men (even ones who call themselves feminists or say are sensitive to women’s issues) treated women in private.

  • bart

    Surely the MSM showed that during HRC’s and Palin’s campaigns. Same behavior from some guys who’d deny on their deathbed they had been sexist.

  • elizabethrc

    Change has to occur through the courts.  The punishments for these brutal attacks on women need to be strong enough and horrific enough for men to be afraid to continue these treatments of women.

    I believe castration for men who sexually attack children, and for those who kill children is necessary.  From what I have been told, men fear that action above all others (save death).  Would it be a deterrent?  I don’t know and as harsh as it is, perhaps the fear element would be enough to stop the violent acts. All I know is that as long as these men feel that they may act with impunity, nothing will change.

  • Rabble Rouser Rev. Amy

    Oh, absolutely!  I addressed that issue just recently in terms of women v. men in professional sports (the post abt the 12 yr old baseball phenom, Chelsea Baker).  No doubt abt it.

    And yes, lorac – you are absolutely right.  The two DO go hand in hand, and must be addressed simultaneously.

  • Rabble Rouser Rev. Amy

    Sadly, Cindy, you are so right. Women, as we have noted before, can sometimes be our own worst enemies…

  • FLDemFem

    Geoff, you are so right!! These days they just go with the “boys will be boys” line instead of the one I used to hear back in the day, Boys will be boys, and boys will be gentlemen, too. I remember when the mothers of the young men who were guests at our home, four girls in my household, would call to make sure they had minded their manners. They always did. Dad was a great deterrent to rudeness, he wasn’t a big man, 5’8″, but he had ferocious eyebrows and a glare that told the young men what they were in for if they stepped out of line with one of his daughters. He also informed them that we would be dusted for prints on returning from a date..LOL We weren’t, but they got the message. Knowing that someone who was willing to go the distance for us was backing us up at home meant that the young men behaved, especially since the next step to a bad report was having it passed on to their mother, and father. Only one guy got out of line when I was dating in high school, and I dealt with that by dumping my Coke in his lap, ice and all. Cooled him off in a hurry..hehehe.

  • Rabble Rouser Rev. Amy

    Thanks, Diana.  Oh, how I look forward to a time when I don’t have to write abt these kinds of stories, you know?

    Craig, you have really hit the nail ont he head.  Yes, the “Prince” cult really sums it up well in terms of sports, politicians, and just abt any other line.  I am sure we all know someone who was fawned over, NEVER told “No!” and who could do no wrong in anyone’s eyes.  Their misbehavior, if acknowledged at all, was always dismissed with an excuse or justification.

    Excellent comment, Craig.  Thank you.

  • Sassy

    Teakwood, you are correct. I would not start as young as first grade, but certainly by middle school.
    One only needs to inflict enough damage to escape, and the mental exercise is as valuable as the physical exercise!

  • Rabble Rouser Rev. Amy

    Creeper, I addressed this more fully upthread, but I would hope you knnow by now that I am not saying women are helpless, and yes, we can leave.  But it is the ATTITUDE that is engendered in some of these male bastions.  I am sorry if I didn’t make that clear.

    Yes, women can teach their sons how to treat all people with respect and dignity, teach them that “No”means NO, and on and on.  Yes, women can leave situations, etc., but that is still putting the onus on women.  Sure, we have to be safe, and not go jogging at midnight in a place where rapists hang out, but the MEN need to start changing their entire mindset so that they don’t even THINK of raping a woman, or sexually assaulting her in any way.  There are places in this world where that is the case.  So, that’s what I mean.  Is that clearer?

    Sorry for any confusion!

  • Rabble Rouser Rev. Amy

    Good point, KenoshaMarge.  Yes, women need to respect themselves more (and now I have a Madonna song stuck in my head).  And yes, they need to stop allowing themselves to be objectified.  But men still hold the power in this culture, evidenced by the continued lower pay for women, the continued denigrating of boys by calling them girls (that should stop being an insult, is my point), and on it goes. 

    I could not agree more – there is never any excuse for violence, but when we live in a society that gets a convicted rapist out of prison so he can BOX again, I think we see who is more valued. 

    And that’s the case with Yeardley Love, too.  That was the point of Sally Jenkins’ piece.  Why was SHE not valued enough by the men on the Lacrosse team who KNEW Huguely was abusive?  Why did they remain silent?  Did the coach know?  Why was this young man’s behavior tolerated in the first place?

    Gov. McDonnell was just on and said this highlights the need for people to be their “brother’s” keeper, though why not each other’s keeper?  Why not our sister’s keeper?  I am sure you get the point.

  • kenoshamarge

    I just don’t “like” to think of women as perpetual victims. If we are to ever have the respect we deserve we have to stand up and demand it. And we have to stand together. None of this liberal women/conservative women b.s.

    I am woman, here me roar!

     I personally would rather have Helen Reddy stuck in my head all day.

    I hope men of good will and common decency will stop allowing their “band of brothers” mind set to  enable such dispicable behavior.

    I hope women will stand side by side in spite of any differances to insist that the violance against women must, absolutely must end.

    Because at the end of the day a murdered woman is just a dead woman. Not a liberal woman, not a conservative woman, not a black, red, brown, white woman. Just a dead woman. That is unacceptable. It should be unacceptable enough that enough people do what they can to stop it before it happens if and when they can.

    Okay getting down off my soapbox once again. Important discussion RRRA. Thanks for bringing it to our attention.

  • tango

    “Why was SHE not valued enough by the men on the Lacrosse team who KNEW Huguely was abusive?  Why did they remain silent?  Did the coach know?  Why was this young man’s behavior tolerated in the first place?”

    We can ask the same thing of the female team too and their coaches along with other friends of Ms. Love. They had to have known what was going on. They probably should be held to the same standard as the boys team in regards to trying to protect Yeardley.
    Was a restraining order ever filed? Were charges ever filed by Ms. Love against her ex-boyfriend the other times he was abusive? It certainly sounds like he was never punished for any of his previous violent outbreaks.  Third parties can report abuse after the fact but unless the adult victim is willing to go through with pressing charges or insisting on some sort of justice or consequences, then abuse is many times ignored. 

  • Breeze

    -
    THERE IS HOPE:

    Did not all of you notice that it is WOMEN who are leading the revolt against
    what is going on in this country?  Ironically it is CONSERVATIVE women, not
    the much vaunted Feminists….

    They are only a handful, but that is enough to inspire others and garner respect.
    It is a beginning on thee road to gain a better image of womanhood.

    They are the only ones who have ‘testicular fortitude’ and really the only hope
    we have to save this country.

    And here is the latest:

    AZ governor now targets ethnic studies

    Washington Times,
    by Valerie Richardson

    Original Article

    5/13/2010 

    Arizona Republican Gov. Jan Brewer, already under fire for approving the nation’s toughest illegal immigration law, has again run afoul of liberal activists, signing a bill Wednesday that targets ethnic studies programs in schools that critics say unfairly demean white Americans. The law, which takes effect Dec. 31, would prohibit courses that promote resentment toward one race; that are designed for students of one race; that promote ethnic solidarity ”instead of treating students as individuals;” and that encourage ”the overthrow of the United States government.”

    ——————————————————————————————————-

    My regret is that I am limited in what I can do to actively join them, I am rather
    old and not very ‘ambulatory’….

    Thankfully, my mind is still active, so I do the best I can in spite of my total lack
    of ‘teckie savvy’.

    GOD BLESS AMERICA!!!

  • creeper

    Speaking of conservative women, Laura Bush says she supports gay marriage and abortion.

    http://abcnews.go.com/Politics/laura-bush-supports-gay-marriage-abortion/story?id=10629213

  • Yttik

    Women should avoid jogging because their might be a rapist? Women should abvoid dating any sports figures? Shouldn’t we be putting responsibility on the people who rape and assault others? All we ever talk about is the dozens of ways women can restrict their behavior and their movement in the hopes of avoiding violence. It’s time to change the perspective.

  • Boxer Mum 06

    I wanted to share some of my experiences in college. I’d rather not say what college but if anyone does some research, it’s not hard to identify. We too had an incident involving lacrosse players. At the time I was in school, there were no dorms there so if you wanted to live by campus, you had to rent an apartment or house. There were fraternity houses, football house, swim house, lacrosse house, etc..

    I was a senior at the time and lived with 3 girls and 1 guy. The guy played football. There were not that many people who lived off campus so it didn’t take long to get to know who everyone was and who was friends with who.

    One of the lacrosse players took an interest in one of my roommates. Our guy roommate (who was like a brother to all of us) told her about it and told her that he is not a good guy and to stay away from him. We laughed it off as she was not interested in him anyway. We did find it interesting that our roommate made a point of telling her this and more importantly told the lacrosse player to back off and stay away from her.

    A few months later, another friend of ours who played lacrosse but was not living at the lacrosse house showed up at our house. He was visibly shaking and very upset. We asked him what was going on. He said he walked into the lacrosse house and discovered something bad going on. It involved an exchange student. He got involved and stopped it and took her out of the house and drove her home. Now he was at our place hiding from the police. He had nothing to do with what happened but thought he was going to be brought in on it – he still lived at home with his parents at the time.

    Turns out the ‘real story’ was that this exchange student had a class with one of the lacrosse players and she developed a crush on him. He had a girlfriend but began a to flirt with this other girl and invited her to hang out with him and some of his friends after class. He brought her back to the house and they began to drink. There was 3 or 4 guys and her there.

    It now becomes a he said/she said thing .. as most do .. but the end result was alleged forced sex with her.  Our friend walked in after the fact but he could tell something was up and she was very drunk. He didn’t witness what happened but kind of got the picture.

    In my opinion, it’s irrelevant but all the guys were white and she was from one of the islands and was black.  It’s irrelevant b/c all of these guys were bad people and I really don’t think they cared what color she was as long as she was a female.

    Anyway, they were pretty well off and when they were arrested, their parents hired the best attorneys, etc.. They made themselves the victim and I believe all were found not guilty.

    As this was going on, we found out a little more about the lacrosse house and why we were all forbidden to go there – per our male roommate.

    There was a room that was dedicated for ‘hook ups’. It had a hidden camera in there where they would take videos and had star stickers on the ceiling and a black light so they glowed in the dark. This was apparently a popular room that got a good deal of activity in it. Other incidents though, if they took place were not discussed. It wouldn’t surprise me that other girls were reluctant to come forward due to the embarrassment of the situation, etc.. because these guys were considered ‘popular’ by the school crowd.

    Several months later, my roommate who was the one the lacrosse guy liked (who by the way was arrested but good thing his parents had alot of $ so he had a great attorney) saw this guy out at the bar. He was beyond loaded and was probably on something else as well.

    He started hitting on my roommate and she was trying to be friendly to him. We said to him we were happy he was found not guilty.. you know trying to be nice about it. Well he said with a straight – highly intoxicated face – what do you mean? He said that he was far from not guilty they just couldn’t prove it and laughed it off. Obviously, he didn’t learn a lesson from this experience as he started taking his shirt off dancing about.

  • Boxer Mum 06

    We were completely shocked! Shocked that he would admit it to us. Shocked that he thought it was a joke. Shocked that he obviously didn’t care the pain and suffering it put his family and friends in and the hurt it caused the victim.

    I was personally pissed off b/c it caused such a publicity storm that Rev. Al was going to march on campus. Reading about it in the newspapers and seeing it on the news. It was surreal living through this experience. Having media crews camped out looking for students to interview and get quotes from .. and actually knowing these guys that were accused.

    Now we know why our roommate protected us from these guys. He knew. I think the lesson here is that many in the campus living situations, they know what goes on but too many are scared to come forward and say anything b/c they don’t want to get involved and don’t want to be frowned upon as upsetting the apple cart so to speak.

    There are many students but also adults, coaches, etc.. that know what is going on too – they also turn a blind eye. I know this as fact from the experiences I encountered during college.

    In regards to Lacrosse. I believe much of the bad reputation Lacrosse players gets is somewhat deserved. They (in my experience) tend to come from very well to do families and think they are above the law and rules. They are tweens to the high profile celebrity athletes and their behavior. Mom and Dad will get them off – they are clean cut, smart boys from only the best schools – they can’t be rapists right? Oh, YES they can!

    Sorry for the long post :)

  • Breeze

    -

    FROM TODAY’S HILLBUZZ:

    …In Rosemont, Palin cited the example of a father whose daughters worked incredibly hard to fundraise to send their basketball team to Arizona to participate in a national championship.  The Leftist-controlled school district in Illinois barred the girls’ team from competing, because the Democrat Party in Illinois has decided to boycott Arizona for political reasons, claiming Arizona Governor Jan Brewer’s decision to enforce federal immigration laws in her state was “not in keeping with the values the school district wanted to teach”.  The father in Palin’s anecdote stood up and challenged the school district, since it continues to fund student trips to China.  Palin echoed the father’s question as to what sort of values the Chinese hold for women, and how the school board’s decision to send students to China supports that message — and conflicts with the actions taken against Arizona.

    Palin couldn’t contain the Reaganesque smile on her face when she talked about this ordinary man standing up with extraordinary strength and courage to challenge the Leftist bullies forcing their personal politics upon his family.
    “Go rogue, girls, go rogue,” Palin urged the students, telling them to find any way they could to go west to Arizona, on their own pioneer steam, to claim the berth in the championship their hard work earned them. “Speak up.  Shout bullies down. Do not let them cower you”.

    When Palin hears about a team of basketball players being bullied by the Left, we can clearly see the Saracuda in her emerge, clear as day, ready to take on all challengers. We pity those in her wake, and more so those in her line of attack.

    “Them’s fighting words!”, Palin exclaimed, vowing to do whatever she could in the situation to make things right, and to beat the Left at whatever game they are playing with the lives of high school athletes.

    She’s going to do it, too, you betcha.  And more likely than not all she’ll have to do is write about those idiots behind this on Facebook and they’ll crumple like soggy snowmen in her glare. Standing up at the podium in a leather jacket, with her hair back and her glasses gleaming on her face, she looked like a Kryptonian with a radioactive stare and the ability to do the impossible, by pure force of will and God-given determination….

  • Boxer Mum 06

    Tango.. It’s just my opinion but I think it’s probably true too.

    Why did they remain silent? Because no one wants to cause a disturbance. This kid was probably a popular guy and came from a good family.

    Did the coach know? Know this kid had a drinking and anger probably.. um, I’d say YES!!!

    Why was it tolerated? Probably b/c he was a decent player they needed to win. His family were probably alumni and/or gave $$ to the school. It’s all looked at as part of the college experience. Boys being Boys – sewing your sow your seed, etc..

    Living on a college campus and being part of the college athletic lifestyle is kind of like being in a commune. There are unwritten codes and rules and they are followed. It’s not like living in the real world. If third parties get involved, they are outsiders, would be treated as such and no one is going to come forward and admit anything.

    It’s just very sad there wasn’t another male there that could protect Yeardley from this creep. That was the only shot she had at being safe, having someone step in and clean his clock a few times and threaten him. That would be how it would be taken care of if it happened at my college during the time I attended.

  • Katherine B.

    As I was reading your excellent post, I kept thinking of Kobe Bryant.  He was accused of sexual assault on a young woman in a hotel.  The press immediately focused on the victim and whether she consented to being sodomized by voluntarily going to his hotel room.  If memory serves me right, she was a member of the hotel staff.  Anyway, that poor young woman was crucified in the court of public opinion.  The big joke afterwards was that poor Kobe had to buy his wife an enormous diamond ring to appease her.  And the wife dutifully appeared at a press conference sporting her new ring and clinging to her meal ticket.  Kobe Bryant continues in the sport of professional basketball and gets numerous lucartive endorsements. No repercussions for him!

  • elsie

    Sure go ahead and expose oneself to eminent danger..I am not going there and I don’t feel restricted.  It is common sense that can save us from anything that is harmful and not claiming that we are entitled to jog in the middle of the night and that rapist better be educated so he won’t rape anyone…

  • jbjd

    TW, I found your comment interesting for this reason.  I, too, have considered what experience a girl could obtain that would make a boy less apt to abuse her or, a girl less apt to tolerate any abuse (which could proscribe the abuse in the first place).  I have thought for a long time that fully integrating women into the armed forces, including direct combat situations; and, if a draft is reinstated, to subject them to that, too; would severely curtail male to female abuse.  After all, just like during the ’60s with civil rights; it’s impossible to tell a human being s/he is good enough to fight and die for the country but not good enough to (fill in the blank) when s/he comes home.

  • Citizen Jane

    When did it become so pornographic and transactional, so implacably cold?

    Where has the author been the past 25 years? MTV music vids showing women being debased by rockers of every race and persuasion…A & F thong panties for children, “I”M A SILKY MAMA” emblazoned across the rear. Hooker fashion being glamorized and worn by preteens everywhere, even to church. Mothers taking their minor teenaged girls shopping for leather lingerie. Fathers not paying attention to what the blazes their children were doing online…

    The list goes on and on. I’ve witnessed all of this firsthand, none of this could have occurred without a gradual, systematic and institutional shift in the culture. I recall once alerting a dad to the messages his 14 year old girl was transmitting to and fro on the internet – to complete strangers. He did absolutely nothing. Thank God the kid never got raped, however she did end up pregnant by a couple different guys and had three children before age 25.

    I am mystified by the attitudes of young women as they relate to men. It’s as if any progress made by the women’s movement never happened. Girls still define themselves to a great extent by how attractive they are to men. Combine this with a cultural abrogation of any standards of decency and morality, and it’s already a perilous environment for young women. Add to it the jock syndrome, and it becomes combustible and downright scary.

    And Tim Tebow is mocked by sports media and fellow athletes because when asked if still a virgin, he said “Yes, I’m waiting until I’m married.”

    Who would any of us rather our daughters and sisters date – Rothlisberger or Tebow?

  • EllenD

    But I am telling you, I DO NOT WANT TO BE KISSED.’  He backed away, in a hurry.

    The fact that he reacted like this says the most for his character. A good guy.

    Of course, you could follow my rule and never marry a man bigger than you. ;)

  • EllenD

    I have thought for a long time that fully integrating women into the armed forces, including direct combat situations;

    Seems to work for Israel.

  • EllenD

    Yes, but the little boys who liked to torment me were actually trying to get my attention.
    Perhaps something short of martial arts or I could have done serious damage to them.

  • Diana L. C.

    I highly recommend a book entitled Our Guys, by Bernard Lefkowitz.  It will open many eyes about the way young men are treated in many communities–and also explain something about the way some of the young girls encourage their horrible behavior. 

    I taught in a small town where the high school star quarterback, son of the county extension agent and of a first grade teacher, was caught with cocaine, several eapons, and videos of himself having sex with a fourteen year-old from a smaller town ten miles away.  She was the reason he was finally caught because she felt used.  She and the boy whose car she was in deliberately crashed into his car one night as he was driving while with another girl.  That car crash then resulted in the girl telling her story.  (And the girl who was with the guy, a girl I knew well, was just livid that some ”scum” like that “white trash” from the other town would rat on him.  Sadly many people in the town took her point of view also.)  It became a major deal in that horrible town because it meant he could not graduate with his class even though he didn’t need any second semester credits to qualify, as he was in jail. 

    The way the town reacted was incomprehensible to me.  Many parents were happy that the police were kind enough not to reveal the names of the many other girls he had on video, and from what I could tell had not been surprised their daughters were on those tapes.  And many of the men in the community lamented that he lost his scholarship to a major out-of-state university–poor kid, such a shame. 

    I was in a local store one day after this incident.  He was hanging out, out on probation and unable to go back to school, waiting for all the details of his probation to work out, when I was shopping with two young children.  I was the only customer in the store but had to practically jump up and down and make a fool of myself to get the attention of the store owner, who was going on and on commiserating with this jerk about his loss of a scholarship.  Finally, when the store owner looked at me, I had just had enough.  I put down the item I wanted to ask about and told him that I thought I would drive 60 miles to the nearest town with a similar store so I wouldn’t have to take him away from talking to his “important” friend.

    This kid had been a town bully and was a total jerk from the time I first met him when he was barely 8 years old.  He and many of the boys I taught as ninth graders suddenly became enormous as they entered high school and began to play high school sports.  Steroids were obviously being used but EVERYONE and especially the coach looked the other way because football was the most important thing going in that town.   Most were involved in several hushed incidents of houses being trashed when parents were away–one the home of a long-term school board member whose son was also on the team–because Risky Business and movies like that were all the rage, and they just HAD to be like the characters in them.

    When he got out and was serving probation, etc., he was allowed to attend an in-state, smaller college that had little in the way of a sports reputation.  It was a respectable school.  Did he change his life?  NO, there he was finally put away and sent back to the home town (a prison town) because he had gotten involved in a house breaking / theft ring.

    There is no doubt in my mind that playing in sports can build character and sound bodies.  The problem is that, as RRRA points out, the whole culture has to change so that sports can get back to being “just games.”

  • Rabble Rouser Rev. Amy

    Well said, Yttik.  Why should we, as women, have to walk around in fear out entire lives?  Men have no earthly idea what it is like to be a woman in this society. 

    And yes, even the “good” guys can get sucked into misgoynistic or sexist banter, even actions.  And that is what I mean abt THEY need to change their attitude.  Women have TRIED making them do it for eons, and yet, here we still are.  That’s what I mean abt THEY need to take responsibility for their actions, and the way they perceive women.  We can’t do everything for them, and dammit, it is far past time for us to have to worry abt every footfall behind us.

  • Rabble Rouser Rev. Amy

    KenoshaMarge, I mentioned something abt the “perpetual victim” status upthread before I saw your good comment.  Thanks so much.  And you can get on your soapbox ANY day of the week.

  • Rabble Rouser Rev. Amy

    Tango, we don’t know that her teammates DID know what was going on.  Most women who are being assaulted don’t talk abt it a lot.  There is a lot of shame involved in it, for starters.  And she may have thought her breaking up with him was sufficient to keep him away.  How could she predict he was going to kick in her door and bang her head against the wall? 

    But I hear what you are saying.  My response is, if they knew this young man was abusive to her, HELL YES, they had a duty to do something.  But that’s just it – many people do not want to get in the middle of things, especially when someone has already demonstrated they were violent. 

    Still, the Men’s Lacrosse team knew he was violent – he had been toward one of their own.  That alone should have rasied some serious red flags.  But he was from an old family, they probably didn’t want to make waves, excuse, excuse, excuse…

    I think we have to be careful abt not edging into “blame the victim” territory.  Those of us who have woked in domestic violence as I have know that a restraining order does NOT stop an abuser.  They will find a way, and usually do.  It’s just a piece of paper, after all.  It’s a start, don’t get me wrong, but it’s greatest use is to establish a paper trail down the road.  But it won’t stop someone from kicking in a door.

  • Rabble Rouser Rev. Amy

    Absolutely no need to apologize.  Thank you for sharing this intense, disturbing story with us.  Wow.  I am just shaking my head in sheer and utter disbelief…

    Katherine, YES – exactly right abt Kobe Bryant!!  And that is the problem,.  The woman (or girl) is always the focus of the investigation, meaning SHE is the one put on trial. 

    And his wife let him off with a new ring.  WOW.

  • Rabble Rouser Rev. Amy

    Well, that’s just it.  The article Sally Jenkins arote abt Tim Tebow (linked int he article above) is very good.  Even though she disagrees with him on matters of Chocie, his attitude is very different from most of these guys (and the ad he did was so benign, it makes one wonder why NOW was so upset abt it)…..

    I might add, Jenkins is a sports writer, hence her focus on these athletes. 

    Great comment, CJ.

  • tango

    Well that’s my point. I don’t want to blame the victim but I also want to point out that victims must ultimately take responsibility for their own safety instead of hopefully thinking a restraining order or a plea to be left alone or a call to the police or a caring friend looking out for them will keep them safe.   My daughter knows EXACTLY what’s going on at her school. Who’s pregnant by whom, who uses drugs and what kind, who is cheating on their boyfriends, who hooked up with who, who got drunk last Saturday night and got in a fight with their roommate, etc. I find it very very hard to believe that noone from Yardleys team nor her friends knew what was going on even if she denied it out of embarassment or shame.  Us women need to empower our sisters to make hard decisions knowing we will stand up with them as they press charges and demand prosecution or action from authorities including team and college leadership.

  • Rabble Rouser Rev. Amy

    WOW.  Diana, that is an unbelievable story.  You and Boxer Mum have highlighted exactly the attitude abt which Sally Jenkins and I wrote.  That’s just it. The men in the community, and too many women, are all too ready to defend the man, and talka bt how HIS life was ruined, never thinking for a MOMENT abt the girl/woman’s life that was ruined. 

    Again, like Mike Tyson getting out of prison for RAPE because men wanted him to box again (and make them money).  Never mind the woman’s life he destroyed with his actions.  Unbelievable.

    Thank you for this telling, and disturbing, story…

  • Citizen Jane

    I checked out the list of woman abusers, and saw that Brett Myers was missing. He is the former Phillie who ended up defending himself against charges he’d hit his wife. (He did this in public, with many witnesses calling 911, so it was difficult to weasel out of it.)

    Most Phillie fans were appalled at the behavior, but his wife stayed with him, and it sounded like she was accustomed to rough treatment – from some of the comments she made. It wasn’t until Myers began abusing the local sports media that they turned on him with a vengeance.

    Myers plays for the Astros now, and it’s just as well, maybe he can take out his aggression on Ed Wade instead – a la Shawn Chacon.
    (There’s a good Yankees story in the article as well).

    http://www.bizofbaseball.com/index.php?option=com_content&task=view&id=2326&Itemid=42

  • Diana L. C.

    I was going to mention another story about this ONE small town and sports but thought it would be too much.  But now I think it should be mentioned—because the small town I write about is, I’m sure, not unique in the way the people in isolated communities just will NOT think there is anything wrong with their “guys” and who look the other way when “boys will be boys.”

    I came to NQ as usuall after reading the morning paper.  Our paper today has a story about a high school wrestling coach in the metro area who was awarded coach of the year and who took his team to several championships.  This coach graduated from the high school of the small town in CO that I mention above, and his home town paper also did a big story about hometown boy making it big.

    Well, hometown boy was just sent home from teaching and coaching for havin sex with a minor, one of the students.

  • jbjd

    EllenD, he stood a foot taller than me, plus >125 pounds heavier.  Once, I wanted to show him, in case we were stuck in the desert, not to worry, I could carry him.  I bent over, balanced him on my back, and was able to walk a couple of steps before his hysterical laughter shifted his body weight and he fell off.  (I did this with my son, with the same result!)

  • Diana L. C.

    lorac and RRRA,

    Not to take over the thread, but I keep coming back to this post since I’ve been a teacher and the whole sports fanaticsm stuff just makes me angry on many levels.

    lorac’s comment: “Over the years we’ve all read stories of male athletes that just got passed along in school, because their coaches made deals with the teachers.”

    This brought to mind and incident when I was doing a teaching assistantship in the grad program–teaching Freshman English.  I had to be away from my class one day and didn’t want to just cancel it, so I asked another grad friend to cover since I had covered for him one day.  When I got back, my grad friend came to me and said that my football player’s last essay sounded exactly like the essay his football player was working on.

    We told our Dept. Chairman, who was this quite small man, and I warned the chairman, “You know, when my player has come to the office I share with another grad student, we both felt that we had to get under the desk to give him room.”

    We arranged for both of our football players to turn in their papers and then we took them both to the Chairman–they were word-for-word the same paper.  The chairman had to call the coach and inform him that both would be given an F for their respective classes–as that was the department’s policy for plagiarism.

    From then on my friend and I would walk around campus looking over our shoulders.  But the thing is this:  My player finally did see me on campus and came up to me and thanked me.  He said that basically he had been passed through high school for doing no work and for learning nothing just because they wanted him to be able to play.  He said he always felt like just a “piece of meat.”  This experience, he said, made him realize that he needed to take advantage of the fact that it wouldn’t happen in college and that he should make something of himself in college other than as a “piece of meat.”

  • Rabble Rouser Rev. Amy

    Oh, CJ, the list was but the tip of the iceberg.  It was by no means a comprehensive list, but, unfortunately, a beginning. 

    Thanks for adding to it – I think (meaning, too bad that you can)…

  • Diana L. C.

    elise and Yttik, I agree with you both.  It’s a sad fact that often, to be safe, women do have to restrict themselves, but it’s damned wrong that that is the case.

  • Rabble Rouser Rev. Amy

    Oh. My. GODDESS.  Diana, that is just so upsetting.  Even seeing it coming, it is just mind boggling…

  • wodiej

    Alot of the problem is how boys and girls are raised.

  • Kathleen Wynne

    Craig,

    Excellent analysis!  I’m sure you realized this, but you also described obama to a “T”, except he sees himself more like a “King” than a “Prince”.

  • pelcart@aol.com

    It’s not just athletes.  There is the same problem in the military.

  • lorac

    That’s a great story.  But you know, it reminds me a rather famous, BAD athlete, who barely lifted a finger to learn or to create or to compete.  Instead, he willingly let people take “papers” away from others and claimed them as his own, instead of contributing to class he would just say “present”.  But he didn’t stress at his own laziness or his cheating.  He knew the coach would make everything all right, and make sure that he would succeed in life.  Who was that “coach” who helped Barry cheat?  If only we knew and could prove it all….

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