Talking ‘bout the C Word and Female Rites of Passage
By Joan Of Art on October 20, 2008 at 12:45 PM in Obama's Thugs, Sexism
For most women, there are instances and occasions that mark one’s awakening to the realities of their gendered life in America. Some are full of joy, some painful and others a strong reminder that women are still second class citizens in this country.
What are some of these rites of passage?
The first time you get your period.
The first time you get a manicure or pedicure.
The first time you buy a bra.
The first time you have sex.
The first time you realize you do not feel safe walking down the street by yourself.
The first time you realize that your opinion is not valued as much as some of the guys you know.
The first time you realize that the men you know make far more money than most of the women you know.
The first time you realize that men who do not do as good a job as some of the women you know are still getting the promotions.
The first time you realize you have never seen a woman on a printed bill and that there is no image of a woman carved onto Mount Rushmore.
The first time you realize the United States is the only country in the industrialized world that has not elected a woman to the highest office of the land.
The first time you realize that all sorts of people, including members of the media, can say sexist things about women and very few people or organizations call them on it, including organizations that promote general human rights and women’s rights.
And then, there’s the first time you are called a cunt.
Ouch. You read correctly. It even hurts to read it on the printed page.
I remember the first time I was called a cunt. I was in college. I disagreed with what a friend of my boyfriend wanted to do and he called me a cunt. Loudly. Across the room.
I remember the waves of shame washing over my face. Feeling reduced to my gender and gender alone, and in the most intimate way. Suddenly understanding the relationship between voicing my opinion and being called a name that was intended to be derogatory and to keep me in my place.
Ouch.
It took me a long time to get over that. And to get over the fact that no one said anything to counteract it. Not my boyfriend. Not the manager of the store. Not anyone around us.
A simple, “Hey, man, knock it off,” or “That’s not cool,” or “ Please apologize to the young lady,” would have helped. But there was nothing.
In that instance, I understood the old and young boys club and the loyalties that exist between men and how they often shore up each other’s insecurities or make excuses.
Cunt.
Kind of like nigger, kike, wop or faggot.
It is one of those words that civilized people should not use in reference to each other. In public or in private. It is hurtful and conveys utter disrespect for women and yet it is undergoing a renaissance it would seem.
Recently, at political rallies for Barack Obama as well as John McCain, both men and women have shown up wearing tee shirts that read “Sarah Palin is a cunt”.
Remarkable.
Has all notion of civility gone out the door??
And what of the young women? Do they not understand that they are colluding in their own denigration? Or do they think that putting down another woman with vulgar language will open the doors to the boys club?
And where are our organizations that supposedly promote women’s rights and dignity?
Like the National Organization for Women or Emily’s List or NARAL.
Or are they primarily concerned with raising money?
John McCain mentioned the tee shirts during his third and final debate with Barack Obama on Wednesday although civility precluded him from going into the specifics.
Barack Obama brushed this aside, saying that all campaigns have some fringe elements.
Indeed, they do. And his campaign seems to have a surplus of extremists. But Obama didn’t apologize for the actions of his devotees or say they were out of line. Just like he was completely silent as the media excoriated Hillary Clinton for month after month after month in sexist terms.
How differently I might feel about him had he said something.
Anything.
To be sure, I still would have a hard time excusing the fact that his campaign swamped the caucuses causing massive voter fraud, stripped Clinton of her rightful votes in Michigan and Florida and denied her an open and honest roll call at the Democratic Convention.
To be sure, I still would question his paper thin resume, lack of effectiveness in his own district in Illinois which he was elected to serve, his questionable associates like convicted felon Tony Rezko, unrepentant domestic terrorist William Ayers and Reverend Jeremiah Wright who promotes racism and anti-Semitism through the pulpit.
I cherish my opportunity and responsibility to vote. I know politics can be rough business so I am trying to be realistic. I have asked myself what I can overlook since so much of the country has somehow excused Obama’s behavior and choices.
I have tried. I have had countless conversations and read countless articles and viewed countless hours of television and I just can’t go there.
Because in addition to all of these other red flags, no matter how Obama paints it, he ultimately does not have respect for women. He will not speak up when it is inconvenient for him and John McCain will.
Just who is this man? How can Barack Obama— who professes to revere his grandmother, his mother, his wife and two daughters— stay silent in the face of this kind of sexism? Who is he, really?
I’m thinking, “Just say no deal!”
, the basis for the Best Motion Picture Nominee (Golden Globes) starring Brad Pitt.
, the novel by John Le Carre, a new motion picture starring Gary Oldman and Colin Firth.
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.by David Fredosso who wrote 2008's 
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