FourthBranch Is Badder Than Bauer [UPDATED]
By SusanUnPC on June 25, 2007 at 6:00 PM in Current Affairs
UPDATE: Cartoon today by Pulitzer Prize-winning cartoonist David Horsey of the Seattle Post-Intelligencer SEE ALSO: The video of the Daily Show on Cheney. (A sample: “He is neither man nor beast, yet has elements of the twain. He is at once everything and nothing, substance without form, shape without motion, time without reason… he is the Highlander.”)
There are the real men, the Bauer Men:
- “A fisherman who was trapped in a boat as it was taking on water used a pocket knife to cut off two fingertips so he could escape.” (Seattle PI)
- “Bill asks why Jack isn’t eating, and he says, ‘I can’t eat this chicken. After biting that guy’s neck a couple of days ago, chicken tastes like terrorist to me now’.” (“24 – Two Days Later,” by The Amazing Steve, Dave Barry blog)
- “Fourthbranch Cheney and his lawyer David Addington are the Cardinal Richelieus of the 21st century, pulling all the strings behind the scenes and bending American government to their will. Despite the capability and experience of other White House insiders, they just can’t beat Fourthbranch …” (“Is Fourthbranch Blackmailing Bush?,” by DDay)
- “[T]he NSC director and her top aides are not allowed to exchange private memos in the Bush/Cheney White House. Apparently the West Wing has been transformed into a panopticon for the benefit of Dick Cheney and his staff: they can watch you, but you can’t watch back. Jeremy Bentham’s passion for ‘invisible omniscience’ must have struck a chord with them.” (“THE PANOPTICON WHITE HOUSE,” Kevin Drum, Washington Monthly)
Then there are the weinie wimps like Gen. Colin Powell, Condi Rice, All-Hat Bush, and the Washington Post:
- “Maybe it’s because Powell and Rice are acting under expected rules of conduct and have sufficient respect for their peers [BOZOS!], while Cheney appears to have none of these burdens. Cheney is apparently spying on all his counterparts in government, acting like a panopticon who sees all and knows all, taking information in and not letting any out.” (“Is Fourthbranch Blackmailing Bush?,” by DDay)
- “The Washington Post changed its headline in today’s hard copy from ‘The Unseen Path to Cruelty’ to ‘Pushing the Envelope on Presidential Power’ in the electronic version. One of the article’s authors was just asked in a live chat why he omitted my report of torture. The Post’s Gellman said: ‘Oh, we’ve omitted a lot more than that’.” (“WaPo ‘Unseen Path to Cruelty’ Was Totally Premeditated, Forseeable & Earlier Than Date Given,” by Jesselyn Radack)
- “Vice President Dick Cheney bypassed environmentally ‘clueless’ President Bush to craft administration’s climate change agenda.” (ThinkProgress)
As Larry pointed out to us last week, men like Justice Antonin Scalia — and Vice President Dick Cheney — live in a bizarro fantasy world in which the preposterous plotlines of Fox’s “24″ are more real than reality itself.
This past week Supreme Court Justice Antonin Scalia at least added his name to the list of folks who ought to be impeached because of his bizarre and disturbing endorsement of torture. Scalia, who was attending a legal conference in Ottawa, cited the exploits of the mythical terrorist fighter, Jack Bauer of 24 fame, to justify torture. Scalia opined that:
“Jack Bauer saved Los Angeles. … He saved hundreds of thousands of lives,” Judge Scalia said. Then, recalling Season 2, where the agent’s rough interrogation tactics saved California from a terrorist nuke, the Supreme Court judge etched a line in the sand.
“Are you going to convict Jack Bauer?” Judge Scalia challenged his fellow judges. “Say that criminal law is against him? ‘You have the right to a jury trial?’ Is any jury going to convict Jack Bauer? I don’t think so.
“So the question is really whether we believe in these absolutes. And ought we believe in these absolutes.”
From Other Lisa, who found this in Salon‘s War Room letters:
With apologies to Rod Serling and “Twilight Zone” fans everywhere
There is a fourth branch of government beyond that which is known to man. It is a branch as vast as space and as timeless as infinity. It is the middle ground between light and shadow, between science and superstition, and it lies between the pit of man’s fears and the summit of his knowledge. This is the branch of imagination. It is an area which we call the Cheney Zone.
I’m assuming you’re all reading the four-part series in the Washington Post and have noted related conversations at many blogs, including Balkinization Blog by Marty Lederman.
It’s so beyond comprehension, I can’t help but see the total absurdity of it.
Someone should satirize it:
7:02 pm – Jack enters the restaurant. The hostess asks if Jack had reservations. Jack says, “I’m not Native American. I’m just here to meet some friends.” Jack sees Bill, Chloe and Morris in a booth in the back of the restaurant near a small musical quartet, and starts towards them.
7:03 pm – On his way to the table, Jack briefly interrogates one of the customers after seeing a table with a suspicious plate of linguini covered with crumbled Pop Tarts and French fries. Jack finally concludes the customer just has an extremely bad sense of taste, and he continues through the restaurant to the table where his friends are seated.
7:04 pm – Jack sits down in the booth with the others, and thanks them for inviting him out for dinner, and especially for not picking a Chinese restaurant. Bill tells Jack that CTU has hired him as a consultant.
Chloe tells Jack, “I’m so sorry about Audrey.”
Jack looks down at the table and says, “Thanks, Chloe, but Audrey is going to be fine”.
Chloe says, “That’s what I meant”.
Bill distracts them both and says, “I have it on authority that Cheng has been released from custody.”
Chloe rolls her eyes. “We all know that, Bill. I’m the one that told you that!”
Bill doesn’t seem to hear this and continues, “Cheng was released to the Chinese embassy just a couple of hours ago. The White House had him released after the Chinese ambassador threatened to cut off all shipments of wonton wrappers to the United States, unless Cheng was remanded to Chinese custody”.
Jack slams his fist onto the table. “Don’t they know what Cheng is capable of? The last few days just haven’t made any sense to me. First we thwart a plot to blow up a major city with a nuclear weapon…”
Bill points out, “They blew up Valencia, Jack”.
Jack continues, “I said MAJOR city… Ok, I see your point. We mostly thwarted them. That’s beside the point.” He glares at Bill. “…Anyway, it turns out that my dad, brother, a Russian general who was under the delusion he had detachable arms, and some Mid-Eastern terrorists from a country whose name we never found out are all in on this bomb plot. We get that fixed, and then we have to fight the Chinese over a computer chip, AND over what they did to Audrey! Does that make sense to anyone here?” Everyone is quiet.
The waiter arrives with drinks for Chloe, Morris, and Bill, and asks Jack for his drink order. Jack orders a margarita with a perimeter of salt. …
(Read all of “24 – Two Days Later,” by The Amazing Steve, Dave Barry blog)
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