The Vast Right Wing Conspiracy – REVEALED!
By Steve_in_KC on January 18, 2012 at 8:30 AM in Current Affairs
OUCH!!
I just slapped my forehead so hard it hurt! I just had an “Aha!” moment like you wouldn’t believe! Duh! Or is it Doh?
I feel like a dimwit for not seeing it before! Oh, those Republicans! I knew they were clever, I knew they were diabolical, but I never dreamed just how cleverly diabolical they are! Now it all makes perfect sense to me! And as soon as my head stops spinning, I’ll try to explain the insidiously intricate machinations these people are employing in this election. And my forehead still hurts!
Hmmm… where to begin… I think I’ll start at the end. OK, here it is: Barack Obama loses his bid for re-election. That’s really all that counts, isn’t it? How we get there doesn’t really matter all that much. I mean, we all know what’s in the sausage, but we eat it anyway, right? And yes, pepperoni counts!
As for the beginning, we’ve already seen it, but it’s like a whodunnit. You probably know that in a classic whodunnit, one of the first people you see is the murderer, but it’s someone you’d never suspect. So it is with the plot of the Vast Right Wing Conspiracy, otherwise known as the GOP.

The Sacrifice
See, we all knew it was going to be Mitt Romney clear back in 2008 when the People Who Really Run Things (PWRRT) ordered him to step aside so they could give John McCain his turn as the Nominee, even though McCain knew full well that he was the sacrificial goat being offered up to pay for the sins of the Neo-Cons. Hence, the “dead goat” so many say they would rather vote for than Obama!
Poor John! His fate was sealed when he hugged Dubya!
The PWRRT promised Mitt that he was next in line, even though he’d be running against an incumbent president, which usually fails. But even back then, I believe the fix was in. I believe the PWRRT already had planned on Obama being a one-termer. They only needed him to keep the Clintons out of the White House. He’s served his purpose to them, so he’s done. Stick a fork in him.
Now, don’t get me wrong. I’m not saying that it’s the Republicans who are the PWRRT. The People Who Really Run Things aren’t of one mind or one party. Hey, that’s kind of like NQ!
But the PWRRT all have a few things in common. They are incredibly wealthy – always have been and always will be. They usually get their way, although they sometimes compete with each other. They consider the world their chessboard. Sometimes they win, sometimes they lose, but always to each other. They are never beaten by outsiders. Defy their wishes and you sleep with the fishes. Maybe not literally, but still…
I’m trying to lead to my big “Aha” epiphany moment, but I had to lay some background for it to make sense. Thank you for hanging in there with me. Now I’ll try to get to the meat of the tissue.
Since Mitt Romney has been the chosen one for so long, why would the Republicans put so many candidates on the table to compete with him? OK, here’s the big moment!
They’re all in on it! They each have a role to play, and they are playing it convincingly, but they are all in on the real outcome. I don’t know what all their roles are – but THEY do! You don’t really think Newt Gingrich truly believes he could be president, do you? And Rick Santorium? LOLOLOL!!!
But I am convinced that many of the attacks on Romney are geared to defuse some of the issues Obama’s campaign might try to use against him in the fall. Other attacks are simply to provide some excitement and theater so we don’t get too cynical and bored with the process. But very soon the failed candidates will step aside and unite behind the winner, Romney, and campaign for him vigorously, each in his own way. For example, moderates will all be so relieved it wasn’t Newtie or Sanitarium who won the nomination, they’ll be thrilled to vote for Mitt the Flit.
Put another way, if Romney had just waltzed in with no real opposition, there would be no “juggernaut” about him, no conquering hero. It would be like Hulk Hogan winning wrestling matches against Woody Allen, PeeWee Herman, and Emo Phillips – although certainly not all at once!
BTW, I use references from the 1980s because that decade represents, in my mind, the “modern era.”
I mean look, if the Repubs want to make Mitt Romney look like a conquering hero, they can’t just hand him the nomination. They have to make him earn it. Well, at least make it LOOK like he earned it. They have to create the appearance that Milquetoast Mitt is so “unbeatable” that he knocks his opponents out in the first three rounds. Even the Nefarious Newt can’t stop him! He’s that strong a candidate! He’s Mighty Mitt!
The wild card in this election is Ron Paul. His supporters come from completely different ends of the spectrum. They are devoted to him like a 1970s Guru. And the biggest mystery surrounding Ron Paul is this: if he decided to run as an Independent, would he take more votes from Romney or Obama? Think about it!
His anti-war, legalize-pot views are straight out of the Hippie Handbook for the Counter-culture. On the other end of the spectrum, his strict constitutionalism and and right-wing views on taxes and personal liberties make his writings required reading for militias and survivalists. He may attract both crowds, but I’m betting he gets more of the dopers than Obama gets. And the irony is that those guys are all too stoned to realize they’re voting for the most conservative candidate of them all! What a larf!
Really, the Paulies are the cult of this election, just as the Obots were in 2008 and the Deaniacs were in 2004. All these born followers looking for a political hero have stuck to Ron Paul like cat hair on polyester.
Yes, I do believe that Ron Paul is the Republican Secret Weapon. If the polls for Romney over Obama start to fade during the summer, the PWRRT will swing into action! They’ll put Ron Paul center stage as an Indy candidate. Immediately, Obama’s edge will slip away as the stoners and born-followers flock to Ron Paul, giving Romney the edge in the final stretch. It’s a positively brilliant strategy!
Gee, I hope I haven’t let the cat out of the bag! ‘Cause I’m wearing polyester!






















