Too Many Monkeys, Not Enough Bread
By Steve_in_KC on January 26, 2012 at 2:00 PM in Current Affairs, Humor, Satire
I love Monkey Bread!
Do you know what Monkey Bread is? I’d never heard of it until last year, then my wife brought home a box of Monkey Bread that you can pop into the microwave and four minutes later enjoy a little taste of Heaven! Mmmmm… Monkey Bread!
It’s just a big pull-apart cinnamon roll, comprised of little balls of cinnamon bread stuck together in a ring with a gooey cinnamon-sugar glaze over the top. I smother the glaze with crushed pecans before I break off a piece for my wife, while I devour the rest. Oink!
And herein lies my point. She couldn’t eat half of it, and I could eat it all, and on a couple of occasions I’ve done just that! Given that the “loaf” is made of balls of bread about the size of a mouthful, I can’t just break off an exact fraction of the whole. But when I break off a chunk for her share, it’s often very difficult to find that line between half and two-thirds. One or two bread balls can make all the difference.
“How is this relevant on a political blog?” you are asking yourself.
It’s simple math. The winning candidate needs a majority of the votes, say about 50%, just as it takes half a loaf to feel full, or satisfied. Well, for me, at least!
Let’s imagine there are four monkeys in the wild, all part of one tribe. They should work as a team, because there’s a hostile tribe of monkeys on the other side of the hill who would take all their food in a heartbeat, given the chance. They would be well-advised to make sure the leader of their tribe has all the nutrition he needs to successfully lead the defense of their tribe.
And let’s say that there in their jungle home, they come across a loaf of Monkey Bread, thoughtfully left for them by the Monkey Bread Fairy. But sadly, there’s only the one loaf, and if they split it four ways, they’ll all still be hungry and weak. But if they let the lead monkey have his fill first, he’ll be able to protect them because, as we all know, Monkey Bread has magical powers to make leader monkeys big and strong, but only if there is enough to fill his belly. And one loaf of Monkey Bread is not enough to satisfy four monkeys. Oh, no. Only two, at the most, and preferably only one. The monkeys need to make sure the biggest and strongest monkey gets his fill, otherwise, he’ll be as weak as the rest of them, and unable to defend their tribe.
If they are all fighting with each other over the loaf, there’s no way the leader can get all the magical nutrition he needs. With three other monkeys grabbing chunks of the loaf, 25% here and 20% there, none of them will be satisfied, and nobody will be strong enough to protect the tribe from those asshole monkeys on the other side of the hill.
Now, if two of these monkeys (I’m thinking the ones called Rick and Ron, for example) had the brain power to realize that the loaf is only big enough for two monkeys at most, they might have sense enough to keep their mitts (pardon the expression) off the loaf , allowing the lead monkey to split the loaf with the big fat bully who came charging in at the last minute. Then, the two strongest monkeys would have a satisfying breakfast, and the two thoughtful ones could run down to Denny’s for Grand Slams!
Instead, they’re all grabbing chunks of the loaf, fighting against their own leader, instead of helping him get bigger and stronger through the magic of the Monkey Bread. This means he’ll be unable to protect them from the evil monkeys on the other side of the hill. And since they were all selfish and thought they each deserved to eat half the loaf, even knowing they weren’t big and strong enough to be the leader, they make their leader as weak as the least of them.
So the monkeys from the other side of the hill came rushing over and beat the shit out of them, and stole all their bananas, too!
And the moral of the story is: “Take care of your lead monkey, and he’ll take care of you!”
, the basis for the Best Motion Picture Nominee (Golden Globes) starring Brad Pitt.
, the novel by John Le Carre, a new motion picture starring Gary Oldman and Colin Firth.
by 
* (Included in the 
* 
.by David Fredosso who wrote 2008's 
- You'll have access to 18 million movies, TV shows, songs, magazines, and books, as well as ultra-fast Web browsing with Amazon Silk -- faster than iPad. Full e-mail and document access and a keyboard. Fire can transmit what is on your screen onto a connected TV or monitor without an accessory. It runs Flash (iPad doesn't). 
