We already know the Obots are not normal…
Oh, wait! Almost forgot the disclaimers!
THIS POST IS SATIRE. LARRY JOHNSON DID NOT WRITE THIS POST AND THE ONLY RESPONSIBILITY HE BEARS FOR WHAT IS WRITTEN HEREIN IS THAT HE IS SUCH A TOLERANT PERSON THAT HE ALLOWS ME TO POST ON HIS BLOG. I AM NOT TO BE TAKEN TOO SERIOUSLY BECAUSE, AGAIN, THIS POST IS SATIRE, OR MAYBE SARCASM, OR SOME OF EACH. PLEASE NOTE: SOME STATEMENTS MAY BE SERIOUS. THOSE ARE THE TOUGH ONES TO SPOT.
Now, where was I? Oh, yeah…
We already know the Obots are not like normal humans. They have what might be considered handicaps of a mental nature. They are mostly young, “hip” people who don’t have much experience in life, or they are older people who still think they are young and hip, like George Clooney.
To understand Obots , you would benefit from first endeavoring to understand the meaning and context of why they consider themselves so “hip.” This is a challenging task, not just because it’s difficult to understand them, but mostly because it’s so damn difficult to want to understand them.
Most people equate “young and hip” with “cool.” I have come to think that the phrase “young and hip” can be roughly translated as “smug and obnoxious,” although the meaning can vary in different situations. “Cool” can also be roughly used to describe someone who is tolerant of dope usages, a participant of dope usage, hangs out with dopers, and/or is a dope. I used to be hip. Some of my friends used to be hip too, until they ended up in jails or asylums. Others took a path similar to mine, which was to get clean, grow up, get a real job, and stop feeling so smugly superior to those who got clean, grew up, and got real jobs.
Other indications that someone might be “hip” may include being “street black” or acting like you are when you’re not, being unworldly (intentionally or not), being other-worldly (like Mork or Zaphod Beeblebrox), being stoned, being anti-establishment (whoops! scratch that one, because the Obama and the Democrats are The Establishment now) , being unemployed by design, and/or being a half-black/half-white Hawaiian guy who went to preppy schools while living with his white grandparents and who appears to be gay or bisexual and has admitted to using illegal drugs on a regular basis in the books he had ghost-written for him by a white terrorist/anarchist while vacationing in Bali on a government grant. People like that are kind of hip, aren’t they?
Here are some other indications that one may be young and hip. Going to parties where dope is openly used and/or abused. Getting stoned alone at home. Dabbling in the occult. Being bi-curious because you think it’s the “cool” thing to be. Hating Republicans. Wanting to save the world by buying curly light bulbs containing mercury, and drinking endlessly from plastic water bottles and Starbucks cups. Hating the rich and freely telling everyone you know all about it… on your iPhone, using the Internet to post on Facebook and Twitter, all of which are owned and run by people with no money at all. (Note: sarcasm).
But the Number One indication that someone is hip: They still think President Obama is “cool.” That’s how totally unworldly and uninformed they are. It’s kind of tragic, when you think about it. Kind of like still thinking Keith Richards is cool. Or Keith Olbermann, but that’s a whole ‘nother sickness.
Another thing I’ve noticed. These young, hip, cool Obots think it’s way cool to seek out blogs that they deem “uncool” and force their coolness upon the old, straight, racist conservatives who don’t want Obama to be re-elected. Are they motivated by charitable intentions, wishing to spread their gospel of Saint Barack? Are they trying to save our souls? Or are they just obnoxious little bastards who think they are so much smarter than those who disagree with their tunnel-vision view of the world?
Do they really think that making specious arguments instead of engaging in logical exchanges makes them look smarter, cooler, hipper, and therefore superior? Naw, nobody could be that naive? Could they?
But these people forget one thing. People like me have an advantage in that we were once young, hip, and cool. We know what it’s like to be naive yet smugly superior because we’ve already been there, done that, and grew out of it. They have absolutely no experience with being older, wiser, and more mature. And that, in a nutshell, is why it is so hard to care enough about them to want to understand them.