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We Must All Take a Pledge to Stop Eating Beans, and we must all confess the worst sin we ever committed in re flatulence (& Open Thread)

By SusanUnPC on November 25, 2008 at 10:30 PM in Current Affairs, Environment, Open Thread

I’ve just told Senor B. and Senorita A., my ferocious and voracious pets, that they will not get to go to Taco Bell anymore. (They like the kids’ meals, and the tater tot-ish potatoes.) My preference is Taco Time, but I will give it up as part of my duty to save the planet. The hardest: Giving up the Vegetarian Baked Beans I love to eat with my vegan hotdogs or sausages. (Tofurkey Italian Sausage is to die for! And nobody died to make it!).

I plead innocence, my lords. Many years ago, I was in New York City to visit my boyfriend, and stood on the floor of the American Stock Exchange as he traded options all day. Then a mutual friend picked me up out front, and we drove to what he told me was the best Jewish deli in NYC. I bought lox, bagels and cream cheese, of course. And sauerkraut, which I love. Well. I admit this without exaggeration: I was up all night long either pacing or sitting. I had NO idea that sauerkraut could do that to me. It was extremely, um, embarrassing as well. In a one-bedroom apartment, you know. Oh dear.

I beg for mercy. Consider this: At least you weren’t there. I wonder if that’s why it warmed up enough so that my plane home could depart Newark. Probably so.

Now, if I can admit that, so can you!

Oh, that BF? So not worth it. But it was a memorable trip, in many ways. It’s just that he was the least of the fun memories. I loved being with our mutual friend, his wife, and daughter. Neatest people.

ALSO: OPEN THREAD!

  • Seattle Moss

    Interesting video NQ..Those animals didn’t look too happy with those PVC pipes around their necks..Maybe we need to reduce our consumption of meats.

    I have already torn up my PETA membership
    “People Eating Tasty Animals”

  • Patrick Henry

    Actually…This was Pretty Funny…

    Been there..Done that…

    Saurkraut Saurkraut..The Musical Fruit…

    The More You eat…The more you “Toot’

    The more You “Toot” the better You feel

    So I eat Saurkraut with every Meal..

    Really..It helps to rebuild the Ozone Layer..

    • TeakWoodKite

      Hey Patrick Henry, happy holidays to you and yours.

      A Midnight run to Wo-Hop’s in NYC would get me, although the hotdog stand on Broawdway and w83rd has great krout.

      The w79thstreet Beagal shop is always good on the way to the airport. Pick up a dozen on the way out of town. Make friends.

      • Seattle Moss

        Just make sure you e-mail me which seat your sitting in on the plane so I can make alternate arrangements.

        • TeakWoodKite

          Will do, but your nose will seek me out. LOL

          Also a word of advice when flying in SF and getting stuck, pack some beers for hanging in the terminal if it is the red eye JFK-SFO and you have to kill time waiting for the morning bus.

          I keep mine in the guitar case.

      • Patrick Henry

        Thanks Teak…!!

        Happy Thanksgiving..to you too…and to everyone here…

        Lets give the “TURKEYS:” No Quarter…

        Make a Wish..

        • TeakWoodKite

          My wish would be;
          remember if you can, give to the food banks this year.

          There are lot of hungry people out there this year.

    • Cubs in 09

      http://www.bohemiancafe.net/

      Click on the MP3 for “The Bohemian Cafe Song.”

      Dumplings and kraut today… :mrgreen:

  • Seattle Moss

    We also all need to stop eating anything that will make us fart.
    The fart police are now making arrests….

    In Florida boy was arrested the other day for farting in class..What’s next!

    • http://nl.youtube.com/watch?v=o4XFvq5XMk8&feature=related Woman Voter

      What there isn’t enough ‘real’ crime in Florida that they are arresting kids for farting? Gees…isn’t Florida the state that arrested the five year old girl for having a tantrum?

    • TeakWoodKite

      Is it on fartnets?

      Love to have that one for the archive.

      • Seattle Moss
        • TeakWoodKite

          Hah! Thanks Seattle Moss.

          I wonder what Sgt. Joe Friday would say…

          8:40 am…we were called to the scene of a farting ( do they have code for this?) in progress….

          …what are they feeding ‘em?

          • Seattle Moss

            Police have stopped patrolling late night clubs looking for drunks and are now stationed outside Sushi bars and Mexican restaurants waiting to bust methane producers.

            • Cubs in 09

              Couldn’t they also bust a lot of folks outside doughnut shops?

              • Seattle Moss

                Cops arresting cops..How funny.
                When there is only one cop left I will make a citizens arrest and the country will no longer stink.

          • Patrick Henry

            TEAK…

            Thats a “10 FARTY” in Progress..

            The First thing I did was advise them that They “Have the Right to remain Silent”..

            The Biggest problem about getting a conviction is that its hard to Gather the Evidence…

            And the Judge and Jury didn’t want to sniff the Bag if we did manage to Capture some “GAS”….

  • Maria3

    Orders from new president to spark lawsuit every time
    Lawyer lining up plaintiff groups until citizenship dispute addressed

    “We will file lawsuits on his actions, every time. As long as we have money , we will keep filing lawsuits until we get a decision as to his citizenship status,” Gary Kreep, chief of the United States Justice Foundation, told WND today.

    http://www.worldnetdaily.com/index.php?fa=PAGE.view&pageId=82033

    • http://nl.youtube.com/watch?v=o4XFvq5XMk8&feature=related Woman Voter

      OK, nobody ‘fart’ and that includes all those filing law suits. I am also informing my family they had better get their collars to catch the methane they are releasing or I will call Al Gore and congress should get double collars, lord knows they are full of it!

      Bail out, Bail out…freppp, ppepperpppooopooo

      I think I hear inflation being released by those know it all on capital hill and their friend too with their million dollar parachutes.

      • Baba Rum Raisin

        “It was so cold yesterday that Al Gore was burning tires to get warm.” – Dan Whitney

  • Pingback: We Must All Take a Pledge to Stop Eating Beans, and we must all … at Hillary Clinton On Best Political Blogs

    • http://noquarterusa.net/ NoQuarter

      This frightens me. Who would link to my story about flatulence, and why? — nasus

      • Seattle Moss

        Catch the digital flow… probably thought your story was good enough to put on their blog. Maybe they hope some of us will check out their site.

        I would send them an e-mail about all the work you do and how rude it is for someone to steal it for their own site.

        • http://nl.youtube.com/watch?v=o4XFvq5XMk8&feature=related Woman Voter

          Yea…we are talking global warming and economics and it was all very well done to get our attention.

          OK, here is the real reason Colin Powell endorsed Obama:
          http://www.thefartmachine.com/fart-jokes.htm#president

      • http://nl.youtube.com/watch?v=o4XFvq5XMk8&feature=related Woman Voter

        ‘Inflation’, when to much money is release the economy tends to let out the gas…and farts…inflation out!

        And you thought you weren’t a rocket scientist…

      • Mary

        Fart stories are pretty popular in some quarters — more popular than porn, even.

      • http://nl.youtube.com/watch?v=o4XFvq5XMk8&feature=related Woman Voter

        Even the salad beans? Gee you are tough in the area of ‘methane control’. :shock:

        • Seattle Moss

          Washington State has the toughest farting ban in the nation. No farting within 25 feet of any business.

          I might be wrong..That might be smoking

  • Maria3
  • Patrick Henry

    The funniest Movies I ever saw all had Flatulence in them..

    I remember a kid who would go in to hysterics every time someone said “Fart”…

    But then My Younger Brother used them as weapons when we Wrestled..His “Secret weapon”

  • hadenough

    Wrinkle:

    Is Clinton barred from State job?

    Article One, Section Six of the U.S. Constitution says:

    No Senator or Representative shall, during the Time for which he was elected, be appointed to any civil Office under the Authority of the United States which shall have been created, or the Emoluments [salary] whereof shall have been increased during such time; and no Person holding any Office under the United States, shall be a Member of either House during his Continuance in Office.

    Essentially, you cannot take a job if the salary was increased during your current congressional term. And the salary for cabinet officials has gone up in the past year. Even if it is lowered back down, constitutional scholars say that may not be enough to fix the problem.
    marcambinder.theatlantic.com/archives/2008/11/is_clinton_barred_from_state_j.php

    If they had put 1 millionth of a percent as much effort in to vetting obama we’d be talking about madam president-elect.

    • benny

      ‘If they had put 1 millionth of a percent as much effort in to vetting obama we’d be talking about madam president-elect’. Very true, hadenough

    • Galt’s Methane-free Pizza Parlor

      The USC? No problemo. They don’t care what it says anymore.

  • HARP

    Just to put things in perspective. Watch for the kicker at the end.

    http://dingo.care-mail.com/cards/flash/5409/galaxy.swf

  • Cubs in 09
    • Seattle Moss

      That must be bad for Mexican restaurants..Wonder what the Cubans eat?

      • Baba Rum Raisin

        Pretty much whatever doesn’t eat them first.

  • HARP

    A Bailout for Santa Claus

    A comment to “entitle” Toyland’s Santa Claus and his elves (out in the North Pole) to a part of the bailout we’re giving Wall Street, as they’re in a hole right now…

    http://www.socyberty.com/Economics/A-Bailout-for-Santa-Claus.337857

  • benny

    Stop it, benny. Stop eating all those damn beans. The price of natural gas has come down, darn it.

    • Seattle Moss

      Hi Benny,

      Is this how you have been getting around
      http://ia.media-imdb.com/images/M/MV5BMTIwNzgyNzE3MF5BMl5BanBnX

      • benny

        hey seattle, that link doesnt work for me.

    • Seattle Moss

      Benny,
      I was unable to send a link
      Dr Arliss Loveless

      Wild Wild West

      • Mary

        Ah, I loved that show as a kid, grew up on it, almost, watched it every day on WGN.

  • Cubs in 09

    Seattle, re: the Washington law… It might depend on the local DA and whether or not he wants to prosecute! :-P

    RCW 9.66.050 does declare it a public nuisance to “deposit, leave or keep, on or near a highway or route of public travel, on land or water, any unwholesome substance.” Not sure if that counts, but I suppose it could be argued that flatulence is an unwholesome substance. So don’t fart on I-5.

    http://apocalyptickiwi.wordpress.com/2008/09/27/it-is-your-duty-to-know-your-fart-law/

    • Seattle Moss

      Cubbie…That George Carlin skit is the best!!

      • TeakWoodKite

        he is subtle ain’t he? LOL

        So, if you fart in a space suit, you’re stuck with it?

        I’m afraid so. Of course, some of it will be recycled into the suit’s life-support system, so you’ll breathe a lot of it back in.

        • Mary

          They probably have filters for that sort of thing, which, you know, might be another application of NASA technology.

          Fart filters -maybe they can use it next time they need to justify their funding, in front of Congress.

          Dads, dogs, I suppose some Moms, well, the list is endless, think of the uses…

  • http://ezinearticles.com/?Three-Basic-Parenting-Styles&id=744499 Northwest rain

    Oh my — does this mean I’m perfect??? Heavens not possible — I’m bad — really bad.

    I can’t eat any legumes (beans, peanuts etc.) — I have an allergy. I used to love peanut butter on ice cream, peanut butter and bananas.

    Isn’t there something called “Beano” which helps with the after effects of eating beans?

    • Galt’s Methane-free Pizza Parlor

      I’ve seen that product and I recall it helps with beans and other methaney [sic] (not to be confused with the jazz musician) foods. :shock:

    • Baba Rum Raisin

      Such a product exists, but I find its efficacy wanting.

      But then, I have intestinal flora and fauna that can make a beach-clearing fart out of two tablespoons of wood chips.

      “Fart proudly!” -B. Franklin

  • Galt’s Methane-free Pizza Parlor

    Here is a tidbit straight from the realm of shit you not! There was a rest stop on the highway I once went to. It had a restaurant and a filling station. They had a sign that said: Eat here and get gas. I shit you not!

    • benny

      lol

      • Galt’s Methane-free Pizza Parlor

        I submitted a zany reality based story for publication here. I think you will like it, if it is published. Its funnier than the gas sign I think. :mrgreen:

    • Cubs in 09

      Galt…

      Methane-free Pizza Parlor

      How do you do it? Pizza has lots o’ veggies! :-?

    • Seattle Moss

      That sounds about as well stated as the..
      Come and Go
      gas stations in Iowa

      • Cubs in 09

        There used to be a dry goods/department store in Nebraska named “Ketchem and Cheatem.” My grandmother knew one of the owners.

    • andrew191

      I was in a drug store in Virginia where one of the aisle directories read “School and Office/ Pain and Rectal”. I thought it appropriate.

    • bemused

      I believe you. I saw one (in Montana?) that said CHICKEN DANCE GAS. Didn’t want to find out what happened there.

  • benny

    Donna Brazile has kept off the beans cos the CNN pundits kept complaining.

  • Seattle Moss

    I want to thank NQ for the comic relief tonight. We have all been hit with so much crap over the past several months it’s nice to laugh at a George Carlin fart joke or others

    Please give us more in the future…

    and…Happy Thanksgiving to all!

    Including these people…
    http://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/Image:Fremont_bridge_troll,_seattle,_washington,_usa.jpg

    • Cubs in 09

      I want to thank NQ for the comic relief tonight. We have all been hit with so much crap over the past several months it’s nice to laugh at a George Carlin fart joke or others.

      [APPLAUSE] :D

  • Cubs in 09

    I’ve thrice posted a brilliant quip :-P only to be rejected the last time for repeating a comment. Wah! Is this thread dead?

    • andrew191

      I’m beginning to get the feeling that many of our most brilliant quips are not just being zapped into cyber oblivion, but they’re being stolen for future use by less enlightened gasbags. Too many of my most poignant postings have strangely dissappeared.

    • http://ezinearticles.com/?Three-Basic-Parenting-Styles&id=744499 Northwest rain

      There is a glitch — be sure to copy your remarks. However, that doesn’t always work — the glitch monster knows and will claim that your have already said that. BUT that remarks NEVER shows up.

      • andrew191

        Just recently I was sent to some sort of humiliating window where I was accused of having made that remark before. Damn! I guess that eliminates the possibility for well known quotes and well known phrases that have probably been posted before. Give me a br–k, there is noth–g new und– the su-.

  • hi

    Petition to see the birth certificate
    Online effort launched to answer presidential eligibility question

    http://www.wnd.com/index.php?fa=PAGE.view&pageId=81585

  • TeakWoodKite

    OT:
    In response to SusanUnPc’s recent post Alienable rights,

    There is the matter of “enemy combatants” and the abject poverty of torturing another human being.

    We also have the matter of the due process of law, which is in doubt when anyone, and mean anyone, can be rendered of the street anywhere in the world, even in the USA and not be heard from again. If we do not right this we are going to see more of it in this country. Don’t count on the MSM to keep us informed. Their corpoate interest now is greater than thier obligations to the profession.

    Well, turns out that Don Siegelman was treat in a manner that backs up the importance of SusanUnPc’s article. Today my sane half was reading where, Gov Spitzer was brought down by information obtained for the sole purpose of political assassination. Not excusing his behavior , being stupid and all, but one can’t ignore the way this information was obtained.
    —————
    Email from Don Siegelman,

    Now we’re at a critical stage. On December 9th, the 11th Circuit Court of Appeals will hear my appeal — which could potentially throw out the false charges against me for good.

    While I am sure you know the story, the American Trial Lawyer Magazine points out I was pursued by the Department of Justice under the direction of Karl Rove to become America’s “Political Prisoner #1.”

    The New York Times said that I was convicted of something that has never been considered a crime in America. Time Magazine exposed how selective prosecution was used in my case and CBS’s 60 Minutes exposed how the government knowingly extorted false testimony to secure a conviction.

    My sentence was enhanced for speaking out against the political nature of the prosecution. Handcuffed and shackled, I was immediately removed from the courtroom and taken to a maximum-security prison where I was put into solitary confinement.

    Nine months later, I was released by the 11th Circuit Court of Appeals saying there are “substantial questions of law and fact likely to result in reversal.” 54 former state Attorneys General filed an Amicus Brief basically saying that there was no crime.

    I am now engaged in two important fights: One for my own freedom and the other to see that Karl Rove is brought to justice.

    .

    Spitzer
    ,

    The lawmakers asked for answers to a series of detailed questions about the use of suspicious activity reports, or SARS, in the Spitzer case, including whether the case was “precipitated by a ‘tip’ to a law enforcement agency by some person(s) outside the law enforcement or banking community.” Among the other questions: “Was there an investigation of Governor Spitzer in progress before any SAR was filed?” and whether similar transactions made by a “nonpolitical, nonpublic person triggered the filing of a SAR by a bank.”

    The letter also seeks a detailed timeline of when and to whom the suspicious activity reports were filed and whether they were expedited or treated in any unusual way.

    “Obviously we wouldn’t have written the letter if we didn’t have questions about it,” Mr. Watt said.

    Can anyone else think of other examples in the USA?

    • Mary

      AFAIK, I think leaving Eliot Spitzer’s talents unused is a crime.

  • Baba Rum Raisin

    COMFESSION OF MY WORST METHANE SIN:

    In July of 2000, after a night of great French food and wine, I visited Notre Dame. I had a case of the walking farts so bad that they damned near threw me off the Metro.

    Attaching myself to a gaggle of French schoolboys (about 30 of them, 8-10 years old) I waited for the perfect Acoustical Moment and released the gaseous byproducts of digestion…sounding like a 1,500 LB Belgian draft horse pulling a wagon up a hill.

    Afirementioned scholboys started a monstrous tumult. Their teacher started an Inquisition in the spot, during which I learned the colloquial French for, “Who farted?” and a variety of threats and imprecations concerning their future grades.

    And, yes, she asserted that, “This Will Go On Your PERMANENT RECORD!”, but in French.

    ::::::::::::

    I don’t think anyone even noticed in Rome…

    • Judy L. NC

      So now this is an anti-farting site, along with recently turning vegetarian and gay???? WTF? I miss the good old days of 3 weeks ago when we were united in a common cause.

  • beebop

    Volcker must be the hope cuz he sure ain’t the change 0mama was touting ….. I hope Arianna and the kids like his selection. Something tells me they were expecting someone YOUNG …. hahahahaha

  • Bugs Bunny

    ok….if u have the farts, then this is a “must have” for this holiday season…
    http://www.gasbgon.com/

  • Sassy

    It ain’t beans, but we had a funny article yesterday in our newspaper.
    Some of you may have seen it as well.
    Anyway, in Raleigh N.C. a guy did a cash grab at a store, ran across the street and attempted a car-jack. Bystanders tore into him, one with their frozen turkey.
    The guy was later nabbed and has head injuries. LOL!

    • Judy L. NC

      Yup. The perp will probably sue the pants off the Butterball wielder for maiming him.

  • NewHampster

    I just caught this thread and being me I have to tell a story on myself.

    In college I got a caricature drawn and of course the artist asked my friends about me. The title is “Torch” with the sub-title, “Please don’t light it”.

    Don’t know why my wife makes me keep it in the attic.