Oh, wait!  Almost forgot the disclaimers!

THIS POST IS SATIRE.  LARRY JOHNSON DID NOT WRITE THIS POST AND THE ONLY RESPONSIBILITY HE BEARS FOR WHAT IS WRITTEN HEREIN IS THAT HE IS SUCH A TOLERANT PERSON THAT HE ALLOWS ME TO POST ON HIS BLOG.  I AM NOT TO BE TAKEN TOO SERIOUSLY BECAUSE, AGAIN, THIS POST IS SATIRE, OR MAYBE SARCASM, OR SOME OF EACH.  PLEASE NOTE:  SOME STATEMENTS MAY BE SERIOUS.  THOSE ARE THE TOUGH ONES TO SPOT.

Now, where was I? Oh, yeah…

We already know the Obots are not like normal humans.  They have what might be considered handicaps of a mental nature.  They are mostly young, “hip” people who don’t have much experience in life, or they are older people who still think they are young and hip, like George Clooney.

To understand Obots , you would benefit from first endeavoring to understand the meaning and context of why they consider themselves so “hip.”  This is a challenging task, not just because it’s difficult to understand them, but mostly because it’s so damn difficult to want to understand them.

Most people equate “young and hip” with “cool.”  I have come to think that the phrase “young and hip” can be roughly translated as “smug and obnoxious,” although the meaning can vary in different situations.  “Cool” can also be roughly used to describe someone who is tolerant of dope usages, a participant of dope usage, hangs out with dopers, and/or is a dope.  I used to be hip.  Some of my friends used to be hip too, until they ended up in jails or asylums.  Others took a path similar to mine, which was to get clean, grow up, get a real job, and stop feeling so smugly superior to those who got clean, grew up, and got real jobs.

Other indications that someone might be “hip” may include being “street black” or acting like you are when you’re not, being unworldly (intentionally or not), being other-worldly (like Mork or Zaphod Beeblebrox), being stoned, being anti-establishment (whoops! scratch that one, because the Obama and the Democrats are The Establishment now) , being unemployed by design, and/or being a half-black/half-white Hawaiian guy who went to preppy schools while living with his white grandparents and who appears to be gay or bisexual and has admitted to using illegal drugs on a regular basis in the books he had ghost-written for him by a white terrorist/anarchist while vacationing in Bali on a government grant.  People like that are kind of hip, aren’t they?

Here are some other indications that one may be young and hip.  Going to parties where dope is openly used and/or abused.  Getting stoned alone at home.  Dabbling in the occult.  Being bi-curious because you think it’s the “cool” thing to be.  Hating Republicans.  Wanting to save the world by buying curly light bulbs containing mercury, and drinking endlessly from plastic water bottles and Starbucks cups.   Hating the rich and freely telling everyone you know all about it… on your iPhone, using the Internet to post on Facebook and Twitter, all of which are owned and run by people with no money at all.  (Note: sarcasm).

But the Number One indication that someone is hip:  They still think President Obama is “cool.”  That’s how totally unworldly and uninformed they are.  It’s kind of tragic, when you think about it.  Kind of like still thinking Keith Richards is cool.  Or Keith Olbermann, but that’s a whole ‘nother sickness.

Another thing I’ve noticed.  These young, hip, cool Obots think it’s way cool to seek out blogs that they deem “uncool” and force their coolness upon the old, straight, racist conservatives who don’t want Obama to be re-elected.  Are they motivated by charitable intentions, wishing to spread their gospel of Saint Barack?  Are they trying to save our souls?  Or are they just obnoxious little bastards who think they are so much smarter than those who disagree with their tunnel-vision view of the world?

Do they really think that making specious arguments instead of engaging in logical exchanges makes them look smarter, cooler, hipper, and therefore superior?  Naw, nobody could be that naive?  Could they?

But these people forget one thing.  People like me have an advantage in that we were once young, hip, and cool.  We know what it’s like to be naive yet smugly superior because we’ve already been there, done that, and grew out of it.  They have absolutely no experience with being older, wiser, and more mature.  And that, in a nutshell, is why it is so hard to care enough about them to want to understand them.

I used to think brown paper bags were the answer, but they don’t hold up very well.  Clear plastic bags are completely out of the question – UGH! – so I now favor those white plastic shopping bags.  We seem to have an endless supply of them, bringing home about ten per week from the grocery stores, and I’m only using about half that many to get through the morning newspapers on a good week.  Disposing of them neatly is the tricky part.  I don’t have any Obama fans living on my street, so I can’t easily fulfill the obvious fantasy.

In fact, I haven’t really seen any Obama fans lately in my neighborhood, and that’s quite a surprise.  I mean there are definitely plenty of Democrats around here, but none of them seem to be very prosperous or enthusiastic about Obama this time around.  I wonder if there’s a connection.  Hmmm.

It’s been a rough couple of weeks for my stomach, not to mention my moods.  Watching the news coverage of the Great Pretender taking credit for the bin Laden kill all over again, then going to “Off-gone-i-ston” to rub Karzai’s face in the protection racket he’s stuck with.  And watching the False Idol crow about his great leadership to the hapless soldiers who were roused out of bed and marched into the command performance.  I think we all know how thrilled they were!

Or not.

I was rather tickled though to see the NY Post mocking Barry for spiking the football.  Grandstanding as usual on Obama’s part, but how refreshing to see some mainstream media coverage that is not carrying his water while he dances in the end zone of his imagination.

And here and there, more and more, I am starting to see more articles in traditional news sources that are slowly beginning to hint at campaign fairness.  I’m willing to admit this might just be my imagination, but I’m not so immersed in wishful thinking that I completely hallucinate news coverage to my liking.  That’s not to say I am completely free of hallucinations.  I still brake for them on the road!

Sometimes I surf around the web, looking for how the same story is handled by different news media.  It’s really startling, isn’t it?  A simple, irrefutable story can be presented in completely polar opposite ways.  Take for example the biography of Obama’s youth that is being published.  One headline might read “Obama had girlfriends?  Really?”  While another, more nausea-inducing story might read, “Barack Obama was a poetic genius…”

Urp!

Or how about the revelation that some of the passages in Obama’s own books about specific college girlfriends were in fact composites of several different women he dated.  Again, one headline might be, “More than one woman went out with him??  Really??”  While the more mainstream media headline might be “President was a ladies’ man.”

Mmggph!  Whew!  That was a close one!

I did find it amusing that one of his former girlfriends stated that he mostly spent his free time hanging out with Pakistani men.

Now that sounds more like the way I remember the Young Barry Obama!  I just love this picture!

And we also had the recent revelation that Barky ate dog meat; hence the nickname? Of course the mainstream media made the story about how those evil Republicans only brought up the dog-eating story to counter-attack the non-story of Mitt Romney giving his pet dog a free thrill ride atop the family station wagon – back in the early 1950s, I believe it was.  Every dog I’ve ever owned would have killed and eaten their own offspring for the chance to ride on top of a moving car! But not a single one of them, I can say for a certainty, would have relished being Barky’s chow!

But what’s amazing to me is that we are suddenly seeing stories about Obama that would have been completely forbidden four years ago. So something is changing out there. Not only is it possible to find a steady diet of news stories about Obama that do not induce projectile vomiting, you can actually find stories in mainstream news sources that do not present Obama as Divinity, against Whom no man shall dare blaspheme.

I found this short piece online that sums it up nicely, from the UK Telegraph, posted May 3 by Tim Stanley:

Why didn’t we know all these details four years ago – even though some of them were published in a best-selling autobiography that was sold to us as if it was a fifth gospel? And yet we knew everything there was to know about Sarah Palin, despite the fact that she was in the race for a much shorter space of time than Obama – and only running for veep.

That’s the significance of the canine and composite revelations – both of them, aside from their delightful “dish” factors, not really revelations at all. That we are only discussing them this late into Obama’s career suggests that the vetting that should have happened four years ago was unforgivably neglected. But, hey, it’s never too late to start.

Do you know what Monkey Bread is?  I’d never heard of it until last year, then my wife brought home a box of Monkey Bread that you can pop into the microwave and four minutes later enjoy a little taste of Heaven!  Mmmmm… Monkey Bread!

It’s just a big pull-apart cinnamon roll, comprised of little balls of cinnamon bread stuck together in a ring with a gooey cinnamon-sugar glaze over the top.  I smother the glaze with crushed pecans before I break off a piece for my wife, while I devour the rest.  Oink!

And herein lies my point.  She couldn’t eat half of it, and I could eat it all, and on a couple of occasions I’ve done just that!  Given that the “loaf” is made of balls of bread about the size of a mouthful, I can’t just break off an exact fraction of the whole.  But when I break off a chunk for her share, it’s often very difficult to find that line between half and two-thirds.  One or two bread balls can make all the difference.

“How is this relevant on a political blog?” you are asking yourself.

It’s simple math.  The winning candidate needs a majority of the votes, say about 50%, just as it takes half a loaf to feel full, or satisfied.  Well, for me, at least!

Let’s imagine there are four monkeys in the wild, all part of one tribe.  They should work as a team, because there’s a hostile tribe of monkeys on the other side of the hill who would take all their food in a heartbeat, given the chance.  They would be well-advised to make sure the leader of their tribe has all the nutrition he needs to successfully lead the defense of their tribe.

And let’s say that there in their jungle home, they come across a loaf of Monkey Bread, thoughtfully left for them by the Monkey Bread Fairy.  But sadly, there’s only the one loaf, and if they split it four ways, they’ll all still be hungry and weak.  But if they let the lead monkey have his fill first, he’ll be able to protect them because, as we all know, Monkey Bread has magical powers to make leader monkeys big and strong, but only if there is enough to fill his belly.  And one loaf of Monkey Bread is not enough to satisfy four monkeys.  Oh, no.  Only two, at the most, and preferably only one.  The monkeys need to make sure the biggest and strongest monkey gets his fill, otherwise, he’ll be as weak as the rest of them, and unable to defend their tribe.

If they are all fighting with each other over the loaf, there’s no way the leader can get all the magical nutrition he needs.  With three other monkeys grabbing chunks of the loaf, 25% here and 20% there, none of them will be satisfied, and nobody will be strong enough to protect the tribe from those asshole monkeys on the other side of the hill.

Now, if two of these monkeys (I’m thinking the ones called Rick and Ron, for example) had the brain power to realize that the loaf is only big enough for two monkeys at most, they might have sense enough to keep their mitts (pardon the expression) off the loaf , allowing the lead monkey to split the loaf with the big fat bully who came charging in at the last minute.  Then, the two strongest monkeys would have a satisfying breakfast, and the two thoughtful ones could run down to Denny’s for Grand Slams!

Instead, they’re all grabbing chunks of the loaf, fighting against their own leader, instead of helping him get bigger and stronger through the magic of the Monkey Bread.  This means he’ll be unable to protect them from the evil monkeys on the other side of the hill.  And since they were all selfish and thought they each deserved to eat half the loaf, even knowing they weren’t big and strong enough to be the leader, they make their leader as weak as the least of them.

So the monkeys from the other side of the hill came rushing over and beat the shit out of them, and stole all their bananas, too!

And the moral of the story is:  “Take care of your lead monkey, and he’ll take care of you!”

Sometimes simple math can play tricks on your mind.  For example, in the United States Senate there are 100 seats.  If they are split by one seat (or one vote), there’s a difference of 2.  50/50 becomes 49/51.  A split of two votes makes a difference of four: 48/52.  It’s like magic!

The same principle holds for percentages.  If a candidate wins 52% of the vote and the opponent wins 48% of the vote, did the winner win by 2% or 4%?  If one end of the seesaw rises one inch, the other falls one inch, so the resulting change is the ends are now two inches apart.  It just boggles the mind!

I just finished reading about the announced retirement of Democratic Senator Ben Nelson from Nebraska.  And it made me sad, while at the same time it made me happy.  How can this be?  It’s not that I’m emotionally unbalanced — all right, stop the snickering! — or that I can’t make up my mind.  It’s complicated, all right?

The Republicans only need to gain four seats to win control of the Senate, and so far seven Democratic senators have announced their retirements, giving the Republicans a strong chance of winning the Senate.  If they do that and hang onto the House, they control Congress.  If they do that and Obama wins re-election (permission to vomit?), then Obama will not only be a lame-duck, he’ll be castrated.  He’ll also be at the mercy of an oppositional Congress who can probe his background, investigate his documents, and maybe even impeach him!  (permission to squeal with delight?!)

Nelson is a “conservative Democrat,” one of a dying breed it seems.  For that reason, I’m sad to see him retire. With the Obama/Pelosi/Reid Progressive wing of the Democratic Party still in control, they have effectively brought about the retirement of several Senators and House members who didn’t automatically fall in line with their left-wing ideals.  Nelson was a vote to be courted by the liberals.  He didn’t just surrender it on demand. He at least wanted dinner and movie.

I keep hoping for the moderate and conservative Democrats to hang in there until after the Obamacrats are ousted, hopefully in the next election.  I believe that when Obama goes down, Pelosi and Reid go down with him, and some sensibility returns to the Democratic Party, with moderates and a few conservative Dems to balance the power of the Party.  Is that pie in the sky?  I hope not.  But if it is, make mine lemon meringue, piled high and slightly browned just around the tips and edges.  Mmmmmm!

Nelson was the Senator responsible for the 60th vote that put Obamacare into law.  He was a hold-out, bless his heart!  But in the fashion of other corrupt politicians, he held out by holding out his hand for some graft!  Well, not exactly graft, since he didn’t profit from it personally (that we know of).  But he only voted for Obamacare in return for his home state getting 100% Medicaid funding in exchange for his vote.  Nicely played, Senator!  If only the other 49 states had senators like you!

So now it becomes apparent why his retirement made me happy.  I’m glad to see that the Republicans have attacked him so ferociously for that bit of political corruption known infamously as the “Cornhusker Kickback.”  They’ve made it so difficult for him that he decided to not seek re-election.  And given that Nebraska is about as Red a state as Kansas or Alabama, that means it’s almost a certainty that his Senate seat will go to a Republican, making it that much easier for the GOP to retake the Senate.  Mitch McConnell probably peed himself when he heard the news!

Those who follow my ramblings know, and I think both of them agree,  that I”m not a Republican, and I was never a Democrat, although I have a liberal streak on social issues.  I am an Indie-Mod.  I don’t really want to see the Republicans win both houses of Congress AND the presidency.  If I was absolutely certain Obama won’t win re-election (nor another Dem in his place), I’d probably be a little squeamish about the Republicans taking control of both houses of Congress.  They already rule on the Supreme Court.  I don’t want a return of the Bush years when they controlled all of the government.  But in this current situation, I want the current Democratic leadership defeated, deposed, disemboweled, and decapitated.  Is that asking so much?

But just to be clear, let’s go back to the seesaw.  Or better yet, the same principle in the form of the Scales of Justice.  Imagine the Supreme Court as the blindfolded lady, whose name is “Justice,” but most people call her “Justi” for short – she spells it with an “i” at the end because she thinks it’s cuter that way.

We’ll put Congress on one end of the scales and the White House on the other.  That’s our system, our balance of power.  I like seeing it balanced, with both sides of the scale relatively similar.  But when one side falls off the scale entirely, the other side crashes to the ground, which throws Justi off-balance and she falls down too!  Is that any way to run a government?  Is that what the Founding Fathers intended?  Knocking down blindfolded ladies with all this pushing and shoving to get ahead?  What kind of animals are we?  Elephants, donkeys, rhinos, and dinos?  Where are the people in this mess?  Don’t we care about Justice anymore?

These are the kinds of questions that drive me mad.

It seems obvious that Jon Huntsman would make a good president, maybe a great one, but he may get muscled out.

Newt Gingrich would make a bold president, perhaps a strong one, but he scares too many people when his mouth runs amok.  Plus, he converted to Catholicism at a time when most Catholics are converting to Agnosticism.  Catholics are so ashamed of all the pedophile priests, and that whole drinking blood ritual, they are fleeing cathedrals en masse, or right after Mass.

Question:  Since Mitt Romney has barely wavered in the polls, with the exception of falling a bit with each manic convulsion in the polls as one new “favorite” after another surges past him for about a week, isn’t he the most likely candidate to get the Republican nomination?  And isn’t it his turn?

Answer: Yes, this is true, despite the whinings of the ABM (Anything But Moderate) crowd.  In the minds of most Americans, Romney is the least objectionable of any announced candidate of any major party, and therefore he would appear to be the person best suited to unseat Obama.  Or as some people say, it takes a Mormon to beat a Muslim.  And yes, it is his turn.

Question:  If Ron Paul wins the Iowa caucuses, wouldn’t that be proof enough that he could be the next President, that he should be at the top of the Republican ticket?

Answer:  Oh, shut up!  Get serious!

No, Ron Paul should not be at the top of the Republican ticket, unless of course the purpose in doing so was to intentionally let Obama win a second term.  Or to prove once and for all that the Republicans are as bat-guano crazy as the Dems always say sometimes.

Ron Paul is, without a doubt, a major force to be reckoned with.  He has a large following that is rabid… literally.  Foaming at the mouth, snarling, snapping at the air, attacking anyone that approaches, mad as a march hare, RABID.

By the way, have you ever seen a March Hare in real life!  I have!  And they are quite mad!  Mating lust of collosal proportions!  Compact cars are defenseless against them!

Paul has some great platform ideas, chief amongst them, decriminalizing cannabis.  This accounts for fully 70% of his support among people under 60 years old, and 80% of those over 60.  Hey, man, you remember Cheech & Chong?  They were freakin’ funny, man!  In fact, just about everything was!

Uhhh.  What was I just talking about?

Oh, yeah!  Ron Paul.  Cool dude!  End all the wars!  Bring all our service people back home right now, right in the middle of our record unemployment.  We need them here more than over there in Korea or Iran.  Or Germany and Japan.  We haven’t needed troops there since the last World War ended.  I think there’s an irony hiding somewhere in this paragraph, but I forgot where it is.

Ron Paul wants to do away with more government agencies than any other candidate.  He wants to do away with Social Security and Medicare, so that’s sure to get the votes of seniors.  He wants to replace the US tax code with a flat tax, so the poor can start paying their fair share, so that brings them on board.  And there are some other agencies he wants to get rid of, but I forgot them too.  Blame Rick Perry.  He was supposed to be keeping track of them.

And foreign aid?  Get rid of that too.  Let the little countries prove their loyalty to us by doing our bidding before they come around asking for money to help keep the Islamists from taking over the entire Old World.

Oh, come on!  I’m just kidding around!  I love Ron Paul.  I think he’s a hoot!  He’s like the funny uncle I never had.  No, I don’t mean THAT kind of funny uncle, the kind who never married but loves playing with the kids.  I mean, he’s very entertaining!  He has all these wild ideas, and you never know whether he’s being serious or pulling your leg.  Hilarious!

Yes, he’d be a great Vice President.  Kind of like the antithesis of Dick Cheney, and sort of like an intelligent Joe Biden.  Way more entertaining than Al Gore, and not a threat to become President after Mitt serves two terms, because he’d be like 108 years old by then.

So I support Ron Paul for Vice President to Mitt Romney, all the while praying for Mitt’s health.

Yeah, I think Mitt will be the nominee, either by fair elections or smoke-filled-room selection.  And I think he’ll beat Obama, although there’s no guarantee of that.  He’ll need a VP choice that can bring in the Independents and moderate Dems.  And of course that most critical contingent of all:  Potheads.

I could go on, but I’m beginning to bore myself, so I can only imagine the yawns you are suffering, dear readers.  I hope you at least got a good ear pop out of it.

What am I despairing about?  In a word: Newt.  I hope you don’t love him or think him the best challenger to Obama, because many of us think he is the worst that could happen.  Except maybe Cain.  Or Bachman.  Or Santorum.

Why does Newt drive me to tears?  Because if he wins the Republican nomination, Obama will be re-elected.  You can take that to the bank.  It doesn’t matter that Newt could eat Obama’s lunch in a debate.  It doesn’t matter that Republicans will turn out in full force to back whatever candidate wins the nomination.  All that matters is that Newt will not — and cannot — win over the discontented Dems and Indies.  Won’t happen.  Nope.  No strong conservative could make that happen, and Newt’s got too many turn-offs, even for conservatives.  Being an old grump is one of them.  Being bizarre is the worst.

I’ve sported my “Indies for Mitt” button here several times, and each time I stressed that it wasn’t because I liked Mitt so much as that I saw him as the irrefutable Destiny Candidate, assuming he had already been crowned by the real power brokers running things.  Just as Obama was the Destiny Candidate in 2008, I tend to think of Romney as the choice of the suits-who-shall-remain-unknown, the guys who pull the strings in the background.  I figure they’ve already decided that Mitt’s the Man.  Maybe not.  First he’ll have to take down Newt, it seems.

It shouldn’t be that difficult for Romney, or any reasonably acceptable contender, to get rid of Newt.  One of Gingrich’s main characteristics is that he’s a nasty piece of work, and he can’t hide it for long.  Plus, he’s well-known for shooting from the lip, but he’s the kind of guy who wants to show you his quick-draw and instantly shoots himself in the foot.

IMHO, Newt Gingrich would be a lousy president, probably worse than Obama, but in a more brazen way.  But that’s not the point.  We only get to that point if he succeeds in getting the Republican nomination and then succeeds in beating Obama, which I think is doubtful.  If Obama is being a hard-core partisan now, just give him Newt to kick around.  Newt has a long history of being a right wing partisan, spouting tons of controversial stuff on camera.  Obama’s team will bury Newt in his own words and history, if Romney doesn’t use it first.

Newt Gingrich, the man who called Hillary a bitch, as revealed by Connie Chung.

Click here to view the embedded video.

Gingrich, who led the impeachment of Bill Clinton while having an affair himself.

Click here to view the embedded video.

And those two were just from the 1990s!  Then there was his clumsy start to the present campaign, as exhibited in the Fox News broadcast from May of this year.

Click here to view the embedded video.

At that time, the general opinion was “stick a fork in him, he’s done.”

OK, so Newt has made a startling comeback since May.  He did well in the debates, and most of the other candidates either self-destructed or never got a foothold.  Right now, it’s Newt’s turn to shine.  But how long will it last before he either reveals his nasty temperament or says something so bizarre that voters turn their backs on him, as they have so many others recently?

We’ve all heard the stories, rumors, half-truths, and other anecdotes about the horrors of Newt Gingrich.  His baggage, his irrepressible mouth, his women.  He’s had three wives, and he’s running against two Mormons who’ve only had one apiece.  He’s heartless, cruel, mean, and dishonest.  He took over the Republican Party in 1994 and resigned  in 1998, having marred the GOP’s image for years.  Even Dubya had to distance himself from Gingrich by calling himself a “compassionate conservative,” as opposed to a “mean conservative” like Gingrich.

It doesn’t really matter if all these things are true or not.  Perception is reality for many voters.  Newt Gingrich is one of those Republicans that cannot draw Democrats to cross over to vote for him.  Maybe the other way around.  I can imagine Republicans voting for Obama easier than Dems voting for Newt.

I will repeat this mantra again:  It’s the Indies in the swing states who elect the President.  Everybody else is just playing a role, voting a straight ticket, just as they always do.

I live in Kansas.  My votes are meaningless for the Presidency.  Kansas is the reddest of the red states.  The only way Dems ever win an office in Kansas is when the conservatives piss off the moderates so bad they vote for the Dem rather than let their conservative opponent win.  It’s a Kansas three-way.

Kansas has only been won by a Democrat once, that I know of.  That was LBJ against Goldwater.  Who’s the closest thing to Goldwater in notoriety?  You guessed it.  Newt.

Back in July, I wrote a piece here asking “What’s Wrong with the Republicans?” This was before the debates and before anyone knew whether Sarah Palin would run.  Michelle Bachman had not left an impression on me enough to mention her.  Tom Pawlenty was still in the race, along with a few others that didn’t garner enough support to make it to the debates.

At that time, I thought Huntsman was too soft-spoken to get any traction, then I studied him a little more and came to realize he could be the best candidate, just because he doesn’t seem like a nut compared to the others.  If Huntsman somehow becomes the candidate, through some sort of magic perhaps, I’ll enthusiastically support him.  Maybe Newt and Mitt will destroy each other so badly that the Republicans will have to start over, and there on the sidelines will be Jon Huntsman, steadily growing in stature while Mitt and Newt split the GOP in half.  It’ll be just like a Kansas three-way!

The hope I’m referring to is that Obama will not seek a second term.  Does that sound crazy?  After all, he seems to do nothing but campaign, and he’s made it clear he is seeking re-election.  But what if it becomes clear to his handlers, and eventually to him, that he can’t win?  As of August 1, 2011, Barky is losing the approval of voters, according to pollster Scott Rasmussen.  Other polls, including Gallup, show his job approval at all time lows lately.

I think it’s safe to say the bloom is off the rose.  He’s lost that “new car smell.”  The honeymoon is over and divorce proceedings are underway.  He’s fallen and can’t get up!

Having publicly admitted in June that he and his family could be content with him being a one-term president, and seeing his job approval on the skids, it seems clear he is already considering withdrawing as a candidate for re-election.  Somehow I doubt the Democratic Congress would object much.  Truth be told, I think they’ll distance themselves.  “Gee, Mr. President, thanks for the offer, but my, uh… uncle’s, uh… brother is, y’know, having an operation that day.  That whole week, actually.”

Many people have put forth thoughts, fantasies, or predictions about Obama not seeking a second term.  I have stated on this blog in the past that I’m convinced his ego (not to mention his wife!) won’t allow him to run if the polls show a strong possibility he would lose.  I just don’t think he would risk the humiliation of getting voted out of office.  And that’s a damn shame.  That’s something I’d pay to see.

And Lord knows he can easily afford to retire from elected office and live very comfortably, drawing large fees for speaking engagements.  And he could have more autobiographies ghost-written.  There’s really no reason why he can’t just treat this job like all his others.  In fact, I’m surprised he hasn’t quit already.

One speculation involves using his health as an excuse to retire, and I’m sure there might be some real merit to that one.  He does look pretty sickly sometimes.  And of course his health is as much a secret as his sealed college records and pretty much about everything else about him.  But I don’t think he’ll use his health as an excuse to step down.  That would make him look even weaker than he already looks, if that’s even possible.

Others have hypothesized that the mysterious meetings with the Clintons in the summer of 2008 may have included a secret deal that he would step aside and endorse Hillary in 2012 if the Clintons would campaign for him in 2008.  I always kind of liked that idea, but I think it’s highly unlikely.  I wouldn’t expect him to keep a promise like that, even if he made it.  Obviously, keeping promises hasn’t exactly been his habit.  And this would be right up there with the biggies, as promises go.  I’m not saying that would stop him from making or breaking such a promise… but to the Clintons?  That would take some stones, and I don’t mean Keith and Mick.

On the other hand, there may have been a pact that if he was unpopular or failing at the job, that Hillary (and Bill) would be close at hand to bail him out.  I could almost see him making a deal like that since his ego would not allow him to foresee being unpopular or failing at the job.  Deep down inside, I love to fantasize that the Clintons have something very damning on him, and in their private conversations they used it, very diplomatically, to pressure him into promising he’d only serve one term.  This is just my fantasy.  I’m not saying there really exists anything damning about his secret past.  Wink, wink, nudge, nudge.

Here’s another possibility.  There has also been a perceived tension in the marriage of BO & MO.  The separate vacations, which left the PINO without his family for his birthday last August, contributed to media musings about the state of their marriage.  I suppose there’s a good chance their marriage is stressed out under the pressure of his hectic schedule of golfing and basketball.

My point being that he may use his marriage as a reason to retire, but that would entail publicizing a marital problem, which I’m sure they’d rather avoid if they are staying together.  Personally, I don’t believe they have any serious marital problems, and I certainly don’t wish problems for them.  They deserve each other.  And they do have a lot in common.  They’re like two peas in a band-aid.

And besides, their daughters need them to stay together as a family, which leads to my real point.  And I bet you didn’t even know I had one!

My current opinion is that if he sees a reasonable chance he won’t win re-election, he’ll use his children, his family, as his reason for stepping down.  “Spending more time with family” is a traditional excuse that has been used countless times by fallen political types when they decide to tuck tail and run back home.  And I wouldn’t expect anything too original from this one.

“…all these conversations I’ve had over the last three weeks, I could have been spending time with Malia and Sasha instead,” whined the President recently, regarding the time spent arguing with Congressional leaders about increasing the debt ceiling.  Actually, I think we’d all be better off if he had spent that time with his daughters.  He should do it more.  A lot more.

The Obama girls, Malia and Sasha, will be teenagers soon.  And having raised a few teenagers myself, I can’t help but have pity on the whole Obama family, including Nana in her tiny room on the 3^rd floor of the White House residence.

A small digression: has any other President ever had their mother or mother-in-law living in the White House?  That just seems very strange to me.  But then, we’re talking about Obama, so…  I don’t know.  I’m just sayin’…

It would sure make a lot of sense for him to want to retire now so he can spend more time with his kids before they’re old enough to become completely unbearable.  Hey, it’s a rite of passage!  And it’s the right of every teenager to drive their parents crazy.  And spend a night in a drunk tank.

Oh, come on!  I’m just kidding!  They won’t be anything like the Bush girls!  Will they?  No, I can’t see that happening.  I mean, they’re so sweet!  And I’m sure Barky is a good father to them, when he’s not on the golf course or partying with celebrities or flying around the country for no good reason in his private jet, Air Force One.

No, Barky has nothing to worry about with those girls.  I’m sure Nana gives them all kinds of attention.  And Mitchy probably talks to them a lot, too, I guess.  Maybe she takes them shopping with her occasionally when she goes on her spending sprees.  She might even buy something for them once in awhile!  Perhaps matching Hello Kitty T-shirt dresses from Wal-Mart.

“She’s only a bird in a gilded cage.”  That was a popular song around the year 1900… Ahh, I remember it like it was only yesterday!  And that’s how I see the Obama girls, as poor little birds kept in a gilded cage by their over-protective parents and bodyguards.  And a few thousand other members of the Obama entourage.  But, I do feel sorry for those poor kids.  They’ve only seen about half of the civilized world so far.  Their parents never take them anywhere!  It’s not fair!

So anyway, if hope really is the thing with feathers, as Emily Dickson wrote, maybe those feathers belong to those little birds in the gilded cage on Pennsylvania Avenue.  Maybe they are our best hope!

I’d be willing to bet they’d much prefer to be back in their home in Chicago.  I think their dad owes it to them to move back there as soon as possible.  Don’t you?

Besides, I don’t think he’d want them to see him go down in humiliating defeat, as he surely will.

So, if I were advising the President, here’s what I’d say:

“Mr. President, for once in your life, please think about what’s best for your children instead of what’s best for yourself.  You yanked them out of their familiar neighborhood, took them away from their friends, and deprived them of a normal childhood.  You’ve kept them in the gilded cage of the White House and surrounded them with strange adults instead of kids their own age.  While you and your wife gallivant all over the world, feeding your own egos instead of seeing to your children’s emotional needs, they are crying inside for the home and friends they had to give up for you.  It’s time to put them first for a change, before it’s too late… but you are very quickly running out of time.

“Look at them, Barry.  Your daughters are almost teenagers, and they need some normalcy in their lives.  Take them home.  You’ve done your thing, you’ve made history, you’ve gone as far as you can go.  It’s time to take the money and run, take your family back to Chicago, or Hawaii, or both, it doesn’t matter.  Just take them where the kids can finish growing up in familiar surroundings, doing normal things that teenagers do, no matter how much you hate the idea of not controlling their every move.  Give them a chance to have normal lives before they end up like the Bush girls, just as you ended up like their father.

“Go home, dude.  Please, go home.  Do it for your kids.  Do it for your wife.  And most of all, do it for your country.”

There.  That ought to do it!

No, Anthony Weiner has no one but himself to blame for the mess he is in. His long time friend (and for a brief period, girlfriend), Kirsten Powers, came out with a scathing post about Weiner on Wednesday, June 7th. She has been friends with him for years, and unknowingly carried his water on “Hannity” in defense of Weiner. She is not carrying it any more, as this post highlights:

[snip] Narcissism doesn’t begin to describe this kind of behavior. It seems there was nobody he didn’t lie to. The New York Times reported this morning that he told donors a week ago that the scandal was the result of a “vast right-wing conspiracy” and that “everything [would] be fine.” We also learned after his press conference that he coached a former porn star with whom he had communicated online on how to lie to the media.

But even if I could see past the lying and extreme narcissism that is noteworthy even by Washington standards, there is the issue of his attitude toward women. What has emerged is a picture of a predator trolling the Internet for women—some half his age—with which to engage in cybersex. We know only about the women who were responsive to his overtures. The odds are very high that he struck out with many, and other women were victim to his unsolicited sex talk. Women should be able to “friend” a married—or unmarried—congressman on Facebook or follow him on Twitter without fear of being the recipient of lewd talk or behavior. Just because a woman “likes” your video on Facebook doesn’t mean you can send her a picture of your penis. This is textbook sexual harassment. It may not be illegal, but it’s definitely unethical. He is in a position of influence, and many women—especially a 21-year-old—would be afraid to report a congressman doing that to them because he holds so much power. Also, he claims none of the women he contacted were underage, but how could he possibly know that?

By far the most disturbing information that we have been privy to—there is, no doubt, more out there that we don’t know—is the transcript of a nine-month “sexting” relationship Weiner had with a Las Vegas blackjack dealer. Radar Online posted the transcript, and it is rife with misogyny and distorted views about women…

[...]

A whisper campaign has started in New York that Weiner’s wife was partly to blame for what happened. “You know, she does travel a lot” is what one New York political operative told me they have heard from multiple reporters. So now we have the “blame the woman” campaign even though what Weiner did had zero to do with sexual satisfaction and everything to do with his own mental issues and attitude toward women. And, by the way, plenty of men have wives who travel and they don’t start preying on women on the Internet and sending pictures of their private parts. [snip] (Click here to read the rest, and believe me, it is well worth your time.)

Again, Powers’ post is well worth your time – there are some things in there to support her charge of misogyny, and she is right on the money.

Unlike Chris Matthews, whose sexist, boorish behavior have been on display for a number of years. You may recall that even Media Matters took him to task for his sexism toward Hillary Clinton, though his expression of such seems to have only scratched the surface:

[snip] One young conservative female guest who appeared several times on Matthews’ show told TheDC that bizarre comments toward women were part of his off air banter as well.

“During one appearance, during the commercial break, Matthews informed me he loves it when women wear baby doll dresses,” she said. “It’s his favorite thing to see women wear.”

[...]

Liberal watchdog groups such as Media Matters and the Daily Kos have hit Matthews hard for his poorly chosen, even misogynistic words toward liberal women.

Media Matters noted Matthews’ poor math in trying to figure out how many women governors there were in 2008.

“Where are the big-state women governors? Where are they? Name one. They don’t exist,” Matthews said of the potential for a future female presidential candidate.

Media Matters subsequently pointed out that in 2008 there were in fact many female governors with populations comparable to the big name former governor presidential candidates, such as Washington Gov. Christine Gregoire, Arizona Gov. Janet Napolitano, Connecticut Gov. M. Jodi Rell, and Kansas Gov. Kathleen Sebelius.[snip]

Holy crappydoo. Seriously?? “Babydoll” clothes? Unaware that there are a number of women governors??

Yeah, this guy is a lunatic:

[snip] His emotional rants have become commonplace on “Hardball,” and made his show must-watch TV for the likes of Mediate, NewsBusters, Real Clear Politics and even The Daily Caller — all waiting with bated breath for Matthews to inevitably say something “insane.”

When asked by TheDC why he watches so religiously, Ian Schwartz, Real Clear Politics video editor, did not mince words.

“‘Hardball’ is a reminder that I am sane,” said Schwartz. “Chris Matthews is more of a gaffe machine than Joe Biden and the ignorance of his sexism and bigotry makes the show entertaining to watch.”

“He’s a freak show” said another media reporter. [snip]

You got that right, for so, so many reasons.

But you know who one of his favorite targets is:

[snip] Sarah Palin is another of Matthews’ punching bags. He has called the former Alaska governor and former vice presidential nominee “profoundly stupid,” “a dolt,” and an “empty head.”

“He’s a known sexist pig. It’s not misogyny based on political party,” Amy Siskind, president of the women’s advocacy group The New Agenda, wrote at TheDC. “No, Matthews has a familiar pattern: he purposefully strikes out at any woman who is rising in power.” [snip] (Click here to read the rest. I have just scratched the surface of this outstanding article.)

Matthews thinks Palin is “profoundly stupid” and a “dolt”? Wow. This is just yet another uninformed opinion put forth by this brain trust.

I will allow Gov. Palin herself to dispel the biased, sexist attack by Chris Matthews in this synopsis of her recent bus tour:

Just WHO is “profoundly stupid,” Mr. Matthews? I’ll give you a hint. It ain’t Gov. Palin.

Ah Bejaysus and Begorrah! Oi’ll be swearin’ boi the auld shrine to the Vorgin with the shamrocks growin’ round it next to the hill where Cuchullain slew the Great Leprechaun of Kildare on St Patrick’s Day that Barack Seamus O’Toole Flaherty Joyce O’Bama is the most Irish US president that ever set foot on the Emerald Oisle, so he is, so he is.

Except, when he’s in Africa, of course, when he disappears into the dry ice and re-emerges with a grass skirt and a bone through his nose and declares himself to be Mandingo, Prince of the Bloodline of the Bonga People, Drinker of Cattle Urine, Father of A Thousand Warrior Sons, Keeper of King Solomon’s Mines, Barehanded Slayer of Lions, Undaunted Victim of the Evil Colonial British Empire.

[...]

Tony Blair used to do this trick too, his accent mutating from broad Glaswegian to genteel Edinburgh to Mummerset to Estuary to Richard E Grant to Sarf London Grime – often in the course of one Downing Street reception – the better to persuade his target audience that he was their kind of guy. And it is, of course, the hallmark of an unutterable charlatan.

I’ve argued before that Tony Blair and Barack Obama have an awful lot in common. Both are lawyers; both are snake-oil-salesman; both claim to be post-partisan, and Third Way and consensual; both play the acceptable, moderate-seeming public face of a regime chock full of Communists, class warriors, single issue rabble rousers, malcontents, communitarians and eco-loons hell bent on destroying every last vestige of what once made their country great. And both do (or did) the things dodgy political leaders always do when the going gets tough at home and their domestic audience finally wises up to how totally useless they are: they hop on the plane and pose as international statesman instead.

No kidding. Is it any surprise that Obama went abroad given the very, very brief bump in his poll numbers, and the continued Spring of Discontent in this country? I am only surprised he didn’t go to the West Bank after his disastrous speech about Israel.

Perhaps he knew that Netanyahu’s speech to Congress was going to be better received than Obama’s was from the State Department. And that Netanyahu would get more standing ovations than Obama did for his State of the Union address. Ahem. Perhaps that is why he felt compelled to get the hell out of Dodge and to get some of that adoration he thrives on so much…

It is all about the spin, isn’t it? Like the spin the MSM is putting on the special election up in NY State. They are making it sound like the Democrat, Kathy Hochul, won by a landslide, and that it is a HUGE referendum on The Republicans’ position on Medicare.

There are two problems with this logic: 1. Hochul had all of 4% more votes than the Republican, Jane Corwin; and 2. the alleged Tea Party candidate, Jack Davis, siphoned off 9% of the votes. Do the math.

And about Davis, I think it is safe to say that Davis, who has run a number of times as a Democrat in that region, was a spoiler, and a successful one at that.

The major spin here, though, as Dana Perino pointed out, is that The DEMOCRATS cut $500 million to Medicare in the DEMOCRATIC passage of Obamacare. How is it that they are now going to be the ones to save it from those evil Republicans? Good grief.

It is clear, though, that this is how the MSM is going to spin it – it is the primary headline for a number of outlets. Wow.

This kind of hoodwinking and bamboozling seems to be the stock and trade these days, and is certainly a hallmark of Obama’s. Along those lines, I will leave the conclusion to Mr. Delingpole, who sums up Obama’s trip to the UK, and his presidency in general, beautifully:

[snip] Obama can’t stand Britain (his wife likes us even less): he made that clear enough when he sent back Winston Churchill’s bust and dissed our Prime Minister with those dodgy DVDS. He blames us for what happened to his grandfather during Mau Mau. He doesn’t believe in the Special Relationship. Are we honestly supposed to believe in that during the subsequent year in office, Obama has since acquired such wisdom and insight that he suddenly realises how special we are?

Of course he hasn’t. Obama is just doing now what all bullies and losers start doing when they realise how unpopular they are and that everyone is abandoning them. They suck up to anybody and everybody. They whore themselves piteously before enemies they once considered beneath their contempt. Fain will they fill their bellies with husks that swine eat – but which no man will give them: and serve them jolly well right, too!

By all means let us enjoy watching Obama smarm and grovel and ingratiate himself like seome presidential Uriah Heep. But for heaven’s sake let us never give him the benefit of the doubt. He’s a cold fish and would certainly never show any mercy towards us were the roles to be reversed.

Amen to that…

I know, I know, that can cover a wide variety of issues, and these days there seems to be no shortage of ones that would merit such a response.

But in this case, I am referring to Jack Stuef at Wonkette writing a particularly egregious piece directed at – wait for it – Trig Palin. Yes, Trig Palin, the Downs Syndrome baby of Sarah and Todd. It begs the question, what in the world could anyone have to say about any toddler that would be egregious, but especially a Special Needs child? Well, the headline of Tommy Christopher’s article at MediaIte gives you a hint:”Wonkette Editor Comments on Reprehensible Birthday Greeting to Trig Palin.”

First to a portion of Jack Stuef’s piece (and hey, I’m not linking to it, because he doesn’t deserve the traffic):

[snip] Today is the day we come together to celebrate the snowbilly grifter’s magical journey from Texas to Alaska to deliver to the America the great gentleman scholar Trig Palin. Is Palin his true mother? Or was Bristol? (And why is it that nobody questions who the father is? Because, either way, Todd definitely did it.)[snip]

What the hell is wrong with him? Seriously – what would make a grown (presumably) man attack a child this way just to get back at his parents for what, BEING? That “snowbilly grifter,” as he called her, is the freakin’ former governor of Alaska, and former VP presidential candidate – just what the hell has HE done that is anywhere NEAR that level of accomplishment? Apparently, nothing. And I say “apparently” because when you target a toddler for no reason other than his Special Needs status and who his parents are, well, you’re not exactly the cream of the crop. IMHO, that is.

Christopher’s response was pretty much along the lines of my own:

[snip] Hey, that’s really funny, calling Trig a gentleman scholar because he has Down Syndrome. And the speculation that Todd Palin may have raped his daughter? Pure comedy gold. You know what will be even funnier? The first time Jack Stuef runs into Todd Palin. That one practically writes its own punchline. [snip]

Uh, yeah. Now, Todd clearly has way more class than Stuef, and I am not an advocate of violence, but, wow…

And get this initial reaction from Ken Layne, Editor of Wonkette, in response to Christopher asking if this offensive post would be removed:

[snip] On whose account are you requesting that Jack Stuef remove a post mocking Sarah Palin’s well-documented use of her special needs child as a political prop? Is this coming from Mediaite? Which editor? [snip]

“Political prop”? How’s that again? She had him around her when she had ALL of her children around her. He’s her child, and was an INFANT at the time. If she did NOT have him with her, there would be charges against her for being a horrible parent, hiding her Special needs child, blah, blah, blah – you know there would be. She just cannot win for losing.

And really – they are pushing this meme that Bristol is really the mother?? What is wrong with these people?!

There are more exchanges between Tommy Christopher and Ken Layne, and you can click here to read the rest. Suffice it to say, it didn’t get any better (and really, it went downhill). There is still no sense of shame, or acknowledgment that this toddler should not be a target for “satire” or “humor,” since that is what they think Stuef’s post was.

Honestly, is there no line these folks won’t cross? Sure doesn’t seem like it, but I gotta say, going after a toddler, a Special Needs one at that, just to get at his parents, is plain wrong. Never mind the depiction of Palin – that was offensive, too. But this is way beyond the pale. There should be no place for this, either by the writer, or an editor who would defend it.

Again, I have to ask: what the hell is wrong with these people??

Update: Fortunately, many advertisers have pulled their ads from Wonkette. Seems some people DO still have a sense of decency and decorum, since Wonkette clearly does not.

Faithful NQ reader, Helenk, provided a link to an excellent piece at HotAir, “3 Reasons Why Wonkette Self-destructed By Publishing A Hit Piece On Trig Palin,” which included the video below:

Well said, Mr. Crowder. Thank you.

My eyes honed in like laser beams at the Breaking News.  President Obama’s advisor, and MIT economist, Jonathan Gruber was (via AP):

“…turning to comic books to help make the pitch for the administration’s embattled health care law.”

[snip]…”[with] a defensible text that is fact-based.”

Wow!  A comic book telling truths about healthcare.  Incredible!  Brilliant!!  Who would have thought…  I must let people know.  Even before I could start to write it up, a title for the post popped into my head.

Congressional Humors Reach Comic Proportions

Perfect.  Wow.  There goes my writers block, this post is going to write itself.  Then I read more (via AP):

Gruber concedes he’s on a rescue mission of sorts: defending the law from what he calls the “ugly, evil rhetoric” of critics.

“When people understand the bill, they like it,” he said.

And my heart started to pound in anticipation.  Where there are villains, there are heroes.  Wearing tights and a cape?  Please, oh, please let it be a woman this time.  We need another super-heroine saving the day with comic style adventures.  Will she be a CEO climbing up the side of tall insurance buildings or a nurse bounding down hospital hallways!  Who will play her in the movies?  And will they make a musical out of this?

Oh, the possibilities …  A new title popped into my head:

Congressional Humors Immortalized in Comics

And then my mind really started to race.  If they can rescue healthcare with comic adventures, the sky is the limit.  Just think of all the things the American people don’t like about their government and don’t understand about the way it works.  The never-ending big business bailouts, the failures of Katrina, the Gulf oil spill disaster, the Iraq war, the on going TSA gropes, the …

An even better title popped into my head:

Congressional Humors to Spawn Comic Cottage Industry

Wow.  This could be the key to America’s future.  Forget the infrastructure and energy independence meme.  This could be Obama’s WPA.  This could save the American economy.  Lift the American people out of poverty.  Restore the middle class.  There would be writers, artist, printers, multimedia consultants to hire.  I really must let people know.  (And maybe I should take a few drawing class.  You know, get the education and training necessary to get in on the ground floor of this.)

Then I realized commenters over at No Quarter were already hard at work writing their own congressional comic adventures in Larry Doyle’s excellent post on Obama’s Conundrum. From:

NOOGAN!!

New Car for Senator Reid

Sen. Harry Reid goes to a local GM dealer in Washington, D.C., with the intention of buying a brand new vehicle.

Harry looks around and finds one he likes.

After going back and forth with the salesman, Harry settles on a price of $45,000.

Harry and the salesman go back to the office to complete the paperwork.

Harry works out a 4-year payment plan, and signs on the bottom line.

The salesman shakes Harry’s hand and says, ”Thanks Senator Reid, the car will be ready for pickup in 4 years.”

Harry says, “What are you talking about?  Where are the keys to my new car?”

The salesman replies, “No, you don’t understand Senator.  You make payments for 4 years… THEN we give you the car.  You know, just like your health plan”.

Harry, with a choking voice, says to the salesman, “But that’s not fair!

And the salesman says, “No s—!”

There was this untitled, collaborative work by Carol haka, Matzo; AC; and Oowawa that I’ll call Bringing Spring Water to Congress.  A stimulus worthy effort if I ever saw one.

carol haka, Matzo

Just read we pay over $800k a year for Congress to have bottled water.

Why the hell are we paying for people to eat and drink in Congress?  How about vending machines and cafeterias with credit card machines and cash acceptance?

Enough!  

AC

I’ve seen some of that $$.

The “cafeteria” at The Library of Congress is more plush than a 5 star restaurant–and we pick up most of the tab.

oowawa

carol, you may not believe this, but when I’m thirsty, I turn on the water faucet in my kitchen, put a glass under it, and then drink it!  Actually, my family has been doing that for as long as I can remember.  I guess I come from hearty pioneer stock . . .

AC

**”when I’m thirsty, I turn on the water faucet in my kitchen, put a glass under it, and then drink it!”**

Oh come on oowawa you’re pulling my leg–I’ll have to try that myself but your kitchen may be quite a drive for me..

oowawa

LOL! Jeez–if we could only run a hose from my kitchen to Washington DC, we could save the treasury $800,000 a year!

AC

Yes, oowawa good idea, then I could sell it as “imported water” and send you royalties of course.

oowawa

Good idea, AC.  It’s “California Wine Country Spring Water”–springs right from the tap . . .

###

Then I found this over at  Running ‘Cause I Can’t Fly: Why the Government Is In Such Bad Shape – Author Unknown

A DC airline reservation agent offers some examples of why our country is in trouble:

1. I had a New Hampshire Congresswoman (Carol Shea-Porter) ask for an aisle seat so that her hair wouldn’t get messed up by being near the window. (On an airplane!)

[snip]

5. An aide for a cabinet member (Janet Napolitano) once called and asked if he could rent a car in Dallas. I pulled up the reservation and noticed he had only a 1-hour layover in Dallas. When I asked him why he wanted to rent a car, he said, ”I heard Dallas was a big airport, and we will need a car to drive between gates to save time.” (Aghhhh)

[snip]

12. A New Jersey Congressman (John Adler) called to make reservations, ”I want to go from Chicago to Rhino, New York.” I was at a loss for words. Finally, I said,  ”Are you sure that’s the name of the town?” “Yes, what flights do you have?” replied the man. After some searching, I came back  with, ”I’m sorry, sir, I’ve looked up every airport code in the country and can’t find a rhino anywhere.” The man retorted, ”Oh, don’t be silly! Everyone knows where it is. Check your map!” So I scoured a map of the state of New York and finally offered, ”You don’t mean Buffalo, do you?” The reply? ”Whatever! I knew it was a big  animal.”

Okay.  Looks like all we need now are some really great illustrators and cartoonists…Paging Pat Racimora!!!

(Or the more offensive, homophobic term for Tea Partiers.) Crosshairs! Targets!

The list could go on of the labels attached to groups of people or concepts by the media when they want to discount, demean, belittle, discourage discussion, demonize a group, or frame the issue how they want it to be, rather than how it is.

We saw this just recently with pundits rushing to frame the Tucson shootings as ratcheted up Republican rhetoric – falsely, as the facts later showed – from big time sources like the NY Times (Paul Krugman), Huffington Post (Arianna herself), DailyKos, and on and on. The shooting of Rep. Giffords and the other 18 victims was immediately put in the context of Republican political rhetoric being to blame for the actions of the shooter within a few hours of the event. Now, even though this meme has been proven wrong, pundits continue to say things like, “rightly or wrongly, the issue of civility is now front and center.” Well, it is WRONGLY, but every time they mention it, they continue to perpetuate this false meme. Civility had nothing to do with it at all, but now, whenever this issue comes up, like Pavlov and his dogs, that is what we think.

This ratchet response, ingrained in us by the media, is coming up again this week in terms of Obama’s birth certificate. A couple of articles have surfaced in which the Governor of Hawaii, Neil Abercrombie, in an attempt to dispel once and for all the allegations that Obama is not a natural born citizen, was unable to find his birth certificate. Oops. Apparently, there is a notation of Obama’s birth, but no long form has surfaced.

Additionally, a former Hawaii elections official, Tim Adams, has sworn, under oath, that neither hospital in Honolulu has a record of Obama’s birth. He doesn’t stop there – he goes on to say he was told there was no long form, and also to stop mucking around in this issue.

I am not getting into whether or not Obama is, or is not, a natural born citizen. That is not the point here. Check your response to what I wrote. Even bringing up this issue, no matter how or what has been discovered, is generally discounted as a crazy conspiracy theory, and that it is CRAZY to even mention it.

And that is because that is what we have been told by the media to think (pant, pant, pany, as Pavlov’s dog would do). The mere mention of Obama’s birth certificate brings derision and scorn upon whomever has the temerity to mention it. For the first time, for as long as I can remember, a presidential candidate was not required to present this document, one routinely required for a number of less important jobs. Yet requesting this one piece of paper has created a maelstrom of gigantic proportions.

We all know that by the mere fact of requesting this document, the requester is crazy. The media told us so. So, there.

Just like they told us Hillary was a cold, heartless Iron Bitch.

Just like they told us Sarah Palin was at the root of the Tucson shootings, or is a crazy “Mama Grizzly,” or that she could see Russia from her house (i.e., she’s stupid, got it? C’mon, only a MO-RON would think something like that. Never mind she never said it. Picky, picky.).

Just like they told us Tea Partiers are a bunch of racist yahoos (someone might want to tell Representatives Tim Scott and Col. Allen West that they are racists for belonging to the Tea Party. Ahem.).

I am sure you get the idea. The media is not reporting the news, they are shaping what they want people to believe. Even now, CNN and MSNBC continue to perpetuate this whole civility/Republican rhetoric meme for the Tucson shootings, regardless of the facts. That is not news – that is propaganda.

We learned of the JournoListers coordinating efforts to advance Obama’s candidacy for president, keeping important stories that might impact his chances out of their respective mediums. That was behind closed doors.

But now, media personalities are getting more blatant about it. Just recently, the Washington Post’s Dana Milbank calls out for a “Palin-Free February.” Yes, he has put a call out to his fellow commentators to not write or talk about Sarah Palin at all in the month of February.

Now, what kind of responsible journalist, or commentator, for that matter, would even consider such an action, except to continue to shape opinion about this figure? In his article (which you can read if you really want to give him the traffic), he makes some other (predictable) snide comments about Sarah Palin. That is the meme, after all – she is to be derided, demeaned, and ridiculed at every step, dontcha know, lest anyone start to take her seriously as a potential candidate. We cannot have THAT, after all. Rather than straight reporting, or basing commentary on, oh, I don’t know, let’s say, FACTS, now we just make shit up as if the person said or did it, then attack him/her for it mercilessly until the person become a mere caricature, and should anyone else still actually like them, they are nothing but a bunch of ignorant gun-totin’ hayseeds who likely don’t have a row to hoe anyway, so who cares what they think? Stupid heads.

And that is where our media is today. They set up these ratchet responses to labels, and dare anyone to stray from their definition or their insistence on who/what those labels represent, tearing down anyone who is foolish enough to disagree. They attack, deride, persecute until the person breaks, then respond with a, “see?? We TOLD you they were x, y, z…” They create the meme, then do everything in their power to make it true.

So, I reckon since I mentioned the whole Obama Birth Certificate thing now, no matter what I did or did not say, I will, forever after, be labeled a Birther. So, what the hell – for good measure, the government carried out 9/11!!! They did! There is no evidence of a plane at the Pentagon! Tea Party members are racist America-haters! Sarah Palin is personally responsible for the shooting of Gabrielle Giffords, and should be thrown in jail immediately!!! (Snark, snark, snark – just in case that was not abundantly clear.)

Hey, if you can’t beat ‘em, join ‘em, right? Wrong. We must stop this insanity with our media. When (formerly) great newspapers like the Washington Post and the New York Times become rumor-mongering rags, we are in serious trouble. Legitimate questions deserve legitimate answers, not derision. Serious investigative journalism must be restored to our media outlets, not regurgitating press releases from this or that party. Rather than allowing loud-mouthed pundits to determine the news, how about having some actual journalists (if you can still find them) to report the news, rather than craft the news? We must stop allowing them to silence us if we do not agree with their manufactured outrage and meme.

Just a thought. But hey, I am just a Birther/Truther/Tea Partier/Mama Grizzly Wannabe/Crosshair Target-er. So what do I know?!

I became a police officer while suffering a midlife crisis in my forties. I became a detective a few years later. Crime in my small town skyrocketed when I hit the streets. My name is Suzie Ivy, a.k.a. “The Bad Luck Detective.” The story is true; the people are real. The names have been changed to protect the GUILTY.

Did I mention that my name isn’t really Suzie?

I managed a quick trip to my chiropractor’s office over the weekend for a readjustment and a water additive to help replenish lost body fluids. But I was on pins and needles to see if Donna would return.

I was able to have lunch with some friends including Veronica on Saturday. She was invested in my hell and completely understood why my head was shaved. My other friends were another matter. I don’t think they knew what to make of me. I was a more self assured Suzie with a toned and muscled body then they were used to. Veronica gave me a big hug when our lunch was over and told me how proud she was.

Donna arrived for the Sunday night study session. I was extremely relieved to lay eyes on her. She told me she was okay when we walked back to our dorm room together.

I felt overwhelming relief to still have my roommate and friend. Donna and Rocco were my rocks and I realized I was theirs as well. Stronger more “cop like” cadets had fallen, but we were still standing.

The start to week five was ominously easy. Sgt. Dickens failed to show for Monday morning inspection, so there were no pushups for improper hair, shoes, clothes, etc. Everyone passed the Monday morning class test. We even managed to skate through the day without a single punishment hill run.

Tuesday morning we were presented with our Guidon. This is a flag representing our academy and class. Sgt. Dickens made quite a production and we all took pride in the presentation. The flag was yellow with PAFRA and class number 95 in large black letters. A cadet was chosen to be our flag bearer and it was quite an honor. He would carry it at all times including PT and DT. Our flag was to be the symbol of our pride. Nothing was to happen to it or we would be punished like no punishment we had yet seen. We were told we needed a class slogan by the end of the week.

Our academy polo shirts and workout clothing had arrived and were passed out. We were told to wear them the following Monday morning. Class ninety six would be starting on Sunday. They would move into available dorms and be using the classroom beside ours. We were told to stay away from them. We had our new polo’s and the new cadets would be in white shirts and ties. For a change it was nice to be us.

The day wasn’t over. It was time for OC gas (o-chlorobenzylidene malononitrile) training better known as tear gas. The “red shirts”, looking like SWAT commandos, came in directly after lunch. There were three of them. Their muscles were bulging beneath their red t-shirts and they acted like they had the best job in the world. They were deceptively cheerful. We learned to identify “red shirts” with pain beginning that day.

The training session started out as a lot of fun. The “red shirts” blew things up and taught us about making bombs. We were able to play with plastic explosive. One of the cadets made a penis and it became a contest to see who could make the best one (academy humor at it’s finest). We were also shown videos of crowd control and actual mob scenes with police intervention.

We were then marched outside and taken about a mile out into the desert. We were issued side-handle batons and learned “hands on” crowd control. We split into two groups with one side being the “out of control” crowd, and the other being the officers. It was a great learning experience, and the psychology behind crowd control is fascinating. We took turns pissing off the other side and then as officers getting the trouble makers under control.

The fun part was over. We were run in a slow jog for a mile to open our pores (this was to make the gas burn more on our bodies). We were then lined up in our squads, but instead of being spread out, we were told to stand shoulder to shoulder. It had been explained the cans of tear gas would reach over 1400 degrees in temperature and we were not to touch them. We were also told we had to keep formation until a whistle was blown or we would start over.

The cans were tossed around us. We tried holding our breath but it was impossible. Water was poring from our eyes, nose and mouth and breathing was unbearable. I felt someone at my feet and I grabbed his shoulders and held on for dear life. We were not going to break our formation and start over. It’s hard to explain the panic that sets in when you can’t breathe. There was fire in my chest. I didn’t think even getting out of the tear gas would enable me to breathe again. The burning in my eyes was so bad I couldn’t keep them open. I could hear my fellow cadets coughing and choking. I seriously thought we would all die before that whistle was finally blown.

The shrill noise sounded and we all ran away from the gas. Besides coughing and choking we were also throwing up. Everyone had tears, snot and saliva running down their faces. I’m still amazed at the amount of mucus we expelled. It was not a pretty site, but we had succeeded. And that is all that mattered.

Our skin was still on fire, but after about ten minutes our breathing returned to normal. We were marched back to the classroom.

Sgt. Dickens came in.

“I am so fucking proud of you! This is what I’ve been waiting for. You are a team. You are Class 95. You are my Class and you should be proud of yourselves.”

And we were. It was a great moment. We were all smiling and laughing and ready to take on the world. It didn’t matter that our lungs were scorched, our skin was still burning, and our eyes and noses hadn’t stopped running. On that day our Sergeant could have led us anywhere, and told us to do anything, and we would have followed.

This was how soldiers were made. I was forty years old but entirely susceptible to the phenomenon. We all wanted to go out and fight evil and we felt we had earned the right. After everyone showered, we gathered outside and talked and laughed until late in the evening. We didn’t want the day to end.

Throughout the rest of the week we spent every available minute trying to come up with a suitable class slogan. Our first slogan was rejected by the Sergeant Dickens as being inadequate. We worked late into the night on Thursday worried that our hard work would be rejected again and our positive week would be ruined.

Friday morning when called to attention for morning inspection, we belted out.

“Class ninety five is the best by far.

We smoke all the rest like a cheap cigar.

Uh.”

Sgt. Dickens liked it and gave his approval. The new class 95 slogan was officially added to our drills. We had succeeded.

I didn’t drive back to Small Town that weekend. My husband was away on a business trip and it was easier to stay on campus and relax.

I took a trip to the drugstore on Saturday to get some cream for my head. The stubble itched like crazy. I was getting used to seeing my shaved head in the mirror, but if I had scratched like this when I’d had hair everyone would have thought I had lice. I bought a couple of scarves as well and experimented with no luck. Even with the lotion on my head, my fingernails needed access to my scalp and I couldn’t scratch with the scarf on.

I ate dinner in the cafeteria Sunday evening with a few fellow cadets. We watched as Class 96 marched in with the same looks on their faces that we’d had on ours that first day.

It sucked to be them.

Good ol’ JibJab has composed a great synopsis of 2010 in this funny (and too true) video:

Oh, my – how funny was that? I love the dancing at the end in wishing us a Happy New Year…

Next up is a clip from Saturday Night Live of “Dreams For 2011″:

After the weekend Joe Biden had of continuing gaffes and out-there quotes (h/t Pat Racimora), the headlines pictured for him are all too plausible!

If you have time, you can visit The Onion and check out their slideshow of “The People Who Mattered In 2010.”

To what will you gladly say “Goodbye!” from 2010? And what are your dreams for 2011? Let’s hear it!

Indeed, their failure to report on them was staggering. One of my brothers just left my house, and he had never heard any of the things Obama said. You know, like the above-referenced “57 states,” and more.

Well, this time, or should I say, once again, the MSM has targeted Sarah Palin. Why? Because she had a slip of the tongue in the midst of a discussion on North Korea attacking South Korea, one she quickly corrected. Not that any of THAT matters. Heck, Obama had to be TOLD that he said there were 57 states. He didn’t catch his mistake (one of many). Nope. Not at all. But, hey – don’t let that change how they actually REPORT the news. Rather, they prefer to make the news, as they did with Palin’s misstep recently.

So, Palin has a little something for the media to help them along. Yes, she has compiled some of Obama’s greatest hits for them in this Facebook message:

A Thanksgiving Message to All 57 States

by Sarah Palin on Thursday, November 25, 2010 at 8:46pm

My fellow Americans in all 57 states, the time has changed for come. With our country founded more than 20 centuries ago, we have much to celebrate – from the FBI’s 100 days to the reforms that bring greater inefficiencies to our health care system. We know that countries like Europe are willing to stand with us in our fight to halt the rise of privacy, and Israel is a strong friend of Israel’s. And let’s face it, everybody knows that it makes no sense that you send a kid to the emergency room for a treatable illness like asthma and they end up taking up a hospital bed. It costs, when, if you, they just gave, you gave them treatment early, and they got some treatment, and ah, a breathalyzer, or an inhalator. I mean, not a breathalyzer, ah, I don’t know what the term is in Austrian for that…

Of course, the paragraph above is based on a series of misstatements and verbal gaffes made by Barack Obama (I didn’t have enough time to do one for Joe Biden). YouTube links are provided just in case you doubt the accuracy of these all too human slips-of-the-tongue. If you can’t remember hearing about them, that’s because for the most part the media didn’t consider them newsworthy. I have no complaint about that. Everybody makes the occasional verbal gaffe – even news anchors.

Obviously, I would have been even more impressed if the media showed some consistency on this issue. Unfortunately, it seems they couldn’t resist the temptation to turn a simple one word slip-of-the-tongue of mine into a major political headline. The one word slip occurred yesterday during one of my seven back-to-back interviews wherein I was privileged to speak to the American public about the important, world-changing issues before us.

I admit – I roared with laughter over Palin not having enough time to write up all of Biden’s gaffes – no kidding – I don’t have that kind of time, either, and I think I have way more time than the ever busy Gov. Palin. Anywho – I get her point – only with someone like her (or Hillary, or anyone who is not Obama or Biden), a slip of the tongue becomes an international scandal. Wow.

Here’s the thing – once again, the MSM failed to actually do their job:

If the media had bothered to actually listen to all of my remarks on Glenn Beck’s radio show, they would have noticed that I refer to South Korea as our ally throughout, that I corrected myself seconds after my slip-of-the-tongue, and that I made it abundantly clear that pressure should be put on China to restrict energy exports to the North Korean regime. The media could even have done due diligence and checked my previous statements on the subject, which have always been consistent, and in fact even ahead of the curve. But why let the facts get in the way of a good story? (And for that matter, why not just make up stories out of thin air – like the totally false hard news story which has run for three days now reporting that I lobbied the producers of “Dancing with the Stars” to cast a former Senate candidate on their show. That lie is further clear proof that the media completely makes things up without doing even rudimentary fact-checking.)

“Hope springs eternal” as the poet says. Let’s hope that perhaps, just maybe, they might get it right next time. When we the people are effective in holding America’s free press accountable for responsible and truthful reporting, then we shall all have even more to be thankful for!

Happy Thanksgiving, everyone!

- Sarah Palin

Love her, hate her, or be indifferent toward her, this continued faux outrage, this one-sided reporting by the Mainstream Media has got to stop. One would have thought that maybe, just maybe, the expose of the JournoListers shaping the news to benefit Obama from the get-go would have made the MSM act a bit more like professionals. Especially their acknowledgment that they intentionally went after Palin because she was a force with which to be reckoned, so they wanted to take her down.

But no. None of that happened. They have just gotten worse and worse. Perhaps they figured since the cat was out of the bag, what the hell? They might as well go all in. Except that isn’t journalism. That is the stuff of tabloids.

I mean, really – the AP – the ASSOCIATED PRESS – writes an entire article on the conspiracy of conservative bloggers to keep Bristol Palin on “Dancing With The Stars” – after the finale. Maybe, just maybe, people were sick and tired of the MSM going after this 20 yr old because of who her mom is, or two of the judges routinely giving her lower scores even though her technique was better than some of the other dancers (a concept backed up in the AP article as well). Oh, yes – the Associated Press quotes a mathematician, Jason Gershman of Nova Southeastern University in Florida, who referred to her dancing as “mediocre.” Sure would like to see THAT mathematician try to dance on this show. Then again, maybe not.

Let’s just take a little gander at Professor Gershman, he of the dancing judging(you don’t have to listen to him if you don’t want to – just take a look):

Uh, yeah – who is HE to critique Bristol’s dancing? I doubt he could come even close to what she accomplished in 10 weeks.

But I digress. In all honesty, I am pretty worried about what has come of the media in this country. If it’s not Sarah, it’s Hillary. It’s whoever they have decided they want to diss to accomplish their endgame. And that is disturbing to me in a big way.

So, good for Governor Palin for highlighting the numerous gaffes of Barack Obama, and the MSM’s failure to acknowledge same, while attacking her for a slip of the tongue. Someone’s got to do it, right?